Despite occasionally behaving as if I know everything there is to know about sex, there are loads of questions to which I am desperate to know the answers. Usually these are questions like ‘how does it feel for guys when they get a boner in their jeans and it gets all trapped and swollen-looking?’ or ‘does your own jizz taste better than other people’s?’ and, frequently, ‘how does it feel to be the dude who plays Jesse off of Breaking Bad sitting naked in front of a mirror, frantically masturbating onto one of the pictures of my tits that you have politely requested I stop sending you?’
In short: questions to which there is no right or wrong answer, just a fascinating insight into how one other individual feels about sex. The best thing about doing the sex-blogging thing, apart from the vast sums of cash*, is that sometimes I get my questions answered.
*that has so far failed to materialise
I recently got an email from Jo, a sex worker who said she might fancy blogging herself. This was an excellent opportunity to ask one of the questions I always want to ask sex workers when I meet them: do you ever fancy your clients? Do any of them do good (by which I mean sexyhot) things for you?
Below is a super-hot story, by way of introduction, and her own response to that question. Over to Jo…
“The Whore”
I felt like a dirty, brazen, wanton little whore.
Which I am, of course, but that’s hardly the point right now.
His name was John. Or he said his name was John, anyway. He walked in the door exactly 7 minutes and 34 seconds before he walked right back out of it again, £80 and one load of hot, foul cum lighter.
I was just idly sat there thinking I could really do with a half-way decent fuck when he called. “I saw your ad, what do you do?” he gruffed down the phone at me. “Anything but hardsports and kissing,” I replied. He asked if I could be ready in 20 minutes and I said I would be.
When he arrived, he asked if he could use the bathroom… I heard him piss and flush, whereupon he immediately came out. I asked him for the money and straight away his hands were roughly in my pants, before awkwardly trying to wrench my top off one-handed. When he saw my tits, he was like a man possessed… he shoved me to my knees and barely grated out “do you swallow?” before his thick load was filling the back of my throat.
And then he left.
And I still need a fuck.
Fuck.
Behind the Scenes
So, you’ve just finished and have entered that awkward stage where you’re not sure whether to chat, or to dress and leave. You settle for a compromise… you talk while you’re cleaning up. “Do you enjoy this?” you ask as you’re wiping your cock and trying not to look me in the eye while doing it. “Yes, of course I do,” I answer with a smile, as I always do.
I know what you really mean when you ask if I enjoy it… your question is more complicated than that, as is my answer. You want to know if I actually wanted the sex I had with you, whether I fancy you and whether I enjoyed the things you wanted to do… if you’re the very rare and particularly sensitive man I get once in a while, you’re probably curious about how my needs and desires fit with this line of work, too.
Well, here are the answers I’ll never give you to the questions you’ll never ask.
My sex drive is a bit of an odd one, in all fairness. Most of the time, it’s rather dormant and then all of a sudden, BOOM! I’m so horny I’m rubbing myself against a door frame. I’m sure you can appreciate that this doesn’t always marry up very well with when you want to see me, or when I’m available to see you. I’m fortunate enough to have a live-in boyfriend and a lover or two scattered about the place to take me in hand when this happens.
It’s infrequent I see a guy who’s so hot that the very sight of him makes me weak at the knees – those guys very rarely have need of my services, I’m sure they’re busy throwing smouldering looks at women in bars and scooping them up as they swoon into their arms. For me to really fancy you, I need to be attracted to your mind… closely followed by your scent, with your looks trailing in at a limp third, at best. Unless you’re rather well off, it’s unlikely I’ve spent enough time with you to genuinely fancy you, but, trust me; you’re at least acceptable enough for me to smile and enjoy our time together. After all, you’re only going to be here for an hour or two… sometimes lying back and thinking of England is a necessary part of any job.
After all this, you might be wondering why exactly I enjoy sex work at all! Whilst I do generally identify more as a dominant than a submissive, I do experience an enormous amount of pleasure from pleasing others and a visceral sense of satisfaction when sucking your cock. There’s something about having a man’s cock in my mouth, hearing their breathing deepen and feeling their thighs tense and twitch under my hands that transcends any attraction I do or don’t feel towards you. Your cock is in my mouth and you are helpless in my power. To blow my own trumpet a little (after I’m finished blowing yours), anyone who’s had one of my blowjobs will testify to their awesomeness and that makes me very proud.
Also, being a bit old and jaded at the grand old age of 24 (well, that’s how old I’ve told you I am, anyway), I’ve tried everything I know I want to try and experimented to a greater or lesser degree with all the things I’ve fantasised about. There’s no particular one, or even several, sexual acts that really really gets me going. These days, I mostly get my chills and thrills from fulfilling your fantasies and making you writhe and groan with pleasure…
So, in answer to your question, yes, of course I enjoy it. Not always in the way you might think, but on so many levels you’d probably never even want to hear about.
As I’m sure you’ll agree, that was amazing. I (and Jo) would love to get your thoughts in the comments below, especially if you’re a sex worker or a client. As ever, though, any comments/thoughts/unanswered sex questions of your own are especially welcome and encouraged on a guest blog, to make guest bloggers feel at home and show them how genuinely lovely the people who comment on my blog are.
27 Comments
Love this, it captures perfectly how I feel too, especially the genuine pleasure in giving a BJ and hearing the moans and groans.
Sometimes I am horny and a client scratches an itch, sometimes I am not, although I have an extremely high libedo, however its rare I dont find something to enjoy.
I found this post interesting, because most of the stories I hear from or about sex workers are not so positive. This is a difficult subject for me to get my head round, because I believe that entering into unwanted sex work can be incredibly damaging – from the stories I have heard, many sex workers are vulnerable to violence and exploitation. I would also describe myself as feminist, and different pockets of feminism often get into extreme contention about sex work.
I haven’t met anyone who is happily sex-working. The sex workers I have met through my job describe it as something they have come to through exploitation or sheer desperation because they need money.
Sex work is something I can’t imagine myself doing, partly because I’m able to financially support myself at the moment, and partly because I know I wouldn’t like it. I think I have an underlying negative attitude towards it because of this, and because I’ve never met anyone that sex work has done positive things for.
I feel uncomfortable because I know there are parts of the feminist movement that would shout down the things Jo has written and paint sex work as universally bad. I think feminism is a necessary and important movement, but I do have a problem with the denial of agency that comes into feminist discussions of sex work. Personally, I find it difficult to hold Jo’s writing here and the stories of sex workers I have met together in my mind, because they couldn’t be more different. And I suppose that shows that trying to come up with universal truths about sex work just isn’t useful or productive. I suppose instead of trying to end sex work, the aim should be to create social and economic conditions in which no unwanted sex work ever had to take place – which is probably as likely as the world ending on whatever day it’s been predicted to end on this year.
I suppose I’d like to hear more stories about how people who enjoy sex work got into it, as I imagine that would really highlight the differences between workers like Jo, and the sex workers I’ve met. I’d also like to hear sex workers’ opinions on whether the feminist movement is of any use to them, and if not how it could be.
Reading this over, I realise I’ve been talking about sex work in relation to women workers – and again I suppose feminist writers tend to ignore male sex workers. I also realise that no one’s going to answer my questions on here if they don’t want to – the questions I’m asking are part of my thought process, and while I’d be really interested to read any comments on them, I hope this doesn’t give the impression that I’m sitting back feeling entitled to be answered.
Anyway, that aside, this blog is ace – to be honest, it’s one of the few that I can stand, because when you do touch on feminist issues you seem to be able to do it without belittling other people, and never get into slanging matches in the comments!
Heya, thank you for the thoughtful comment. You’re right that all experiences are different – one of the reasons I’m particularly curious about sex work. I think this hits my general opinion bang on:
“the aim should be to create social and economic conditions in which no unwanted sex work ever had to take place”
Agree wholeheartedly, and would add “and that people who *do* want to be sex workers have the rights and protections that enable them to do it safely” or something that’s a bit better worded than that. I will have a think about this and try and respond with something more thoughtful when I have time – would be very interesting to know what others think.
And thank you for blog compliments – am really flattered!
I don’t want to paint a picture that it’s all sunshine and roses, because how many people can honestly say they enjoy their job, every day? However, I’ve experienced no violence, no intimidation, no control, no exploitation and very few situations that’ve made me genuinely uncomfortable. I’ve chucked a guy or two out, but again, who doesn’t have the odd day when they want to tell someone to fuck off, but can’t??
I do take precautions, some that the clients are aware of and some that they aren’t, to ensure my safety…
Also, from a purely practical point of view, I make the same amount of money working 12 hours a month that I used to in my 37 hour week job… considering I find it a lot more fun (most days) and it takes up 1/13 of the amount of time my previous full time job did… it’s a bit of a no brainer for me. It’s enabling me to do other things with my life that I’ve always wanted to do, but not had both the time and money to deal with.
Everyone will agree trafficking and forced sex work are obviously appalling things and I’d like to do more to abolish them, but painting sex work as a universally terrible and exploitative profession is not the way to go about it.
As a feminist, I’d argue that the essence of feminism is being able to do what I want with my body and life…
I’ve always found this line of work fascinating. Thanks for sharing.
If a sex worker has made an informed and mindful decision to pursue this line of work, it isn’t necessarily anti-feminist or exploitative. Quite often, the opposite is true. Sex workers can elicit sex-positivity within their time with clients and foster a nurturing and therapeutic relationship with men (and it nearly always is men) in a way that they may not have experienced before.
Someone famous once dryly remarked that paying for sex is the cheapest way of getting it. Food for thought.
Nice.
I can totally relate to the line “I do experience an enormous amount of pleasure from pleasing others and a visceral sense of satisfaction when sucking your cock.”
I’m a guy but I do feel exactly the same thing when I’m between my wife’s legs.
Great post! Well written, and a lot of it resonated with me. Going to go and follow Jo on twitter now :)
I identify as a sex worker, although I don’t do escorting, because I offer private spanking session (mostly me spanking them, but sometimes I enjoy switching. I’m a bit picky about who I let spank me, though). I identified as a sex worker before that, for the record, even though I never did 121s, because as a porn performer/producer I was in the business of getting people off and I don’t believe in creating artificial distinctions or hierarchies within the sex industry. I’d be happy to answer the same questions if you’re curious?
I’m interested… :)
Well okay then :)
Ooh, yes – please do answer the question too, would be good to know what you think! Especially as I have *ahem* enjoyed selected highlights of your work before.
Very interesting and superbly written. I’m an occasional client and have found that most sex workers I’ve met are friendly and keen to please. I’ve always assumed, though, that the only thing they’ve got out of the interaction is some cash. It nice to think that maybe some get job satisfaction as well…
Dave: For 90% of the people I see, that couldn’t be further from the truth. If I have such a poor experience with someone that the only satisfaction in repeating it would be for the money, I don’t see them again. Maybe that’s the key to my having had such a positive experience of sex work?
If you’re clean, polite and generally a pleasant chap, I bet most sex workers that see you will enjoy the time with you for more than the cash you leave them with.
That’s great to know, Jo. It makes me feel better. I’m always respectful, clean and friendly – and certainly look upon it as a meeting of equals. If you ever want more client perspectives, I’d be happy to help. Thanks.
Also this “I was in the business of getting people off and I don’t believe in creating artificial distinctions or hierarchies within the sex industry” resonated with me… I once had to bite my tongue in a conversation with a pro-domme (back when no one knew I was a sex worker) after a particularly snotty comment about escorts. I wish I’d had these words to say to her… I dislike the fact that she wanted some form of sex worker to look down on, just because she was looked down on by non-sex-workers.
Hi Jo, thanks for your fascinating post. As an extremely monogamous person, I’d love to know how you manage to combine having a boyfriend and lovers with your line of work. Do you have to be very good at compartmentalising? Is the sex you have with your partners different from the sex you have with your clients? Do you see sex as an expression of love? Has the idea that your sex can be bought and sold (apologies for the clumsy phrasing, it just seemed more accurate than “selling yourself/your body”) changed your view of sex in general? Do you ever feel less inclined towards sex with your partners because it’s what you do for a living?
GOTN, having lurked on your fantastic blog for ages I have two questions: I certainly understand the appeal of being treated like a filthy slut, but when you’ve only just met the other person, how do you know the difference between someone who’s just doing it for the sexytimes and a genuine misogynist? And secondly, where do you get all those gorgeous thigh-high socks?
Hehe, the second question is easy, and the answer is: American Apparel. http://store.americanapparel.co.uk/search.html?r=&as=1&s=Stripe+Thigh-High+Socks
The other question is a bit trickier: how do I know the difference between a horny, dominant dude and a misogynist? I think the answer is probably that a) slutty though I am I do generally speak to dudes a bit before I fuck them, and would probably be unlikely to fancy them if they displayed worrying signs of outright misogyny. But also b) most of the guys I meet/have met are generally pretty liberal, as a by-product of the sort of circles I moved in. Chances are someone who is a misogynist and/or douchebag wouldn’t be having much fun hanging out with my friends, or wouldn’t be matched with me on a dating site, so our paths are unlikely to cross.
Having said that, I doubt I have any real way of knowing, especially if I’m jumping into bed with someone reasonably quickly, that they don’t hold some views that I’d find a massive turn-off. Probably the most honest answer I can give, to be honest, is that I don’t suspect I would actually care that much. If a guy is going to beat me sexily then dominate me, fuck me in the mouth and leave me in a quivering heap of delight, it doesn’t matter much to me at the time if he also thinks I belong in the kitchen making him a sandwich. We’re certainly not going to have a relationship, but I don’t think for a one-off or brief encounter, as long as he was nice to me (and then very nasty while we were fucking) I probably wouldn’t be that bothered. Does that make me a horrible person? Possibly. But I suspect it just makes me a horny person.
Final point: there have been men – too many men to count – who I have drooled and creamed myself over not just despite the fact that they were arseholes but *because* they were arseholes. This usually happens with men who are much older and incredibly arrogant, and I end up thinking “Christ, imagine how fucking horrible he’d be to me with a hitting stick and an erection?” and then I get all horny and I have to have a lie down. I don’t usually end up fucking these guys, though, because inevitably I’ll get drunk in front of them and then make jokes about their UKIP membership or something and then they think I’m a twat.
Many years ago I had an encounter with a man who said he was dominant, and spent the whole evening (and the next morning) speaking to me in a semi-condescending way, but still within limits. To this very day, I still have no idea if he was being genuinely dominant or if he was just a complete arse. For some reason I find this quite hot.
To Anna: The answer to most of your questions is “sometimes”… I know that seems like a cop-out.
Sometimes sex is an expression of love, depending on who it’s with and how I’m feeling at the time, although obviously sex with clients is not an expression of love.
Sometimes I feel less like having sex with my chosen partners but I don’t know as that’s directly as a result of sex work… as with any job, sometimes I’m tired at the end of the day and sometimes I don’t want to do things that are similar to “work things” during my “leisure time”. (Think of a chef who may not want to come home and cook dinner for their family, or an accountant who doesn’t want to come home and work out their own monthly budget…) As I mentioned in a previous comment, working 12 hours a month (three bookings a week) is enough to bring me the income that my previous full time job did… so I don’t need to wear myself out (or become fed up of sex) to obtain a comfortable income.
Another thing that keeps me enjoying sex with my chosen partners is that it’s so different to the sex I have with the people who pay me… I have a lot respect and affection for my chosen partners and that necessarily leads to enjoying different things with them. Without detailing all specifics, there’s some things I ennjoy with my chosen partners that I just wouldn’t feel safe doing with clients (bondage, for one) and things that I’d feel icky doing with people I didn’t really fancy (kissing, for instance) and certain acts that I save for myself and my boyfriend only (anal being one of these).
I’ve done sex work on and off for a few years and have found it immensely rewarding – if you’re careful about who you invite in, so to speak. I ended up having a longish, regular client whose wife was (apparently) completely frigid and wouldn’t do anything other than pure missionary. I used Gumtree (when it still had ads) and later, Craigslist, to advertise. I was up front about what I offered and always asked for a picture. Usually with some kind of odd arrangement (wear a red t-shirt and a black scarf and be holding a dustpan and brush) so I knew the picture was of them. If I found them truly hideous I just wouldn’t be able to do it so the picture and a few emails about what kind of thing they liked – hobbies – not positions – really helped.
I did it from home, like the original poster, but that did bring its own hazards. I didn’t do it particularly often – it was an idea that came to me as a student watching Pretty Woman – I decided that I could definitely cope with the idea of having sex for money. It didn’t seem a big deal to *me*, just other people’s views on the subject was the only thing holding me back.
The first guy I saw was actually kinda old (I was 20; he perhaps 65) and I didn’t want to do it but I really needed the cash to pay my rent. Once he handed over the money and I’d placed it in what I had decided would be my special money box, I relaxed and just thought about it as a job. He smelled odd acrid and he wanted me to swallow. It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever tasted but he seemed so grateful for the attention I was happy I’d made him happy. I decided that I’d be more careful next time with vetting and never had a bad experience again. Much to my delight.
These days I’m not trim enough to be conventionally attractive to clients without things turning a bit fetishistic – which I’m not confident enough to pull off but if I lost a bit of weight I’d certainly consider it again if I needed the cash.
Is cool to hear from another former craigslist hooker. I also did it from home and not very often but the money was fast and out wasn’t that big of a call. Asking for pics and screening them first helped for sure
Jo, thank you very much for this post. I’ve read a couple of posts on other blogs here and there about etiquette and how to treat sex workers, but this is the first one I’ve read with a “behind the scenes” section, the awkward moments and the complicated stuff about whether you enjoyed it or not. Fascinating stuff!
This discussion reminds me of another blog I read – about a guy who regularly goes to Amsterdam to fuck as many women in a day as humanly possible. I like playing with my husband and him “using” me, and being made to feel like a sex toy, but the way this guy spoke about these women absolutely sickened me. A few he claimed to be in love with, despite the fact that every sentence betrayed his utter disdain and hatred for women. I had a pretty good measure of this guy, and then I read this one post….
He went to this one girl, and she was clearly new to it. He likes to think of himself as an authority on hookers, so he started asking her these kind of questions. Inevitably, she broke down – she hated it, every second of it. She told him she had no choice, and she didn’t want to be doing it. If memory serves, she cried. Having already paid, he asked her if he could still fuck her – from even his description of her response, her words said “if you have to”, and her body language and expression begged him not to.
And you know what? He fucked her anyway, because as far as he was concerned, he’d paid for it and her trauma didn’t matter.
That right there pretty much sums up my issues with prostitution. Men ask these things, because they want an ego boost. If you told you them hated it, most would do it anyway, and some would enjoy it even more.
As someone who has experienced sexual activity that they don’t want, I know how damaging it is, and I don’t believe for a second that women can continually have sex they wouldn’t choose to have without it causing some psychological damage at the time or down the line.
Im not passing judgement on these women, I understand why they do it and I believe they should have the right to do it – but I wonder how many of them are irreparably harmed by it. Not because sex is dirty, or it’s gross, or because sex should be about love. It’s because sex that isn’t something you actively choose and actively want is frightening and violay
This discussion reminds me of another blog I read – about a guy who regularly goes to Amsterdam to fuck as many women in a day as humanly possible. I like playing with my husband and him “using” me, and being made to feel like a sex toy, but the way this guy spoke about these women absolutely sickened me. A few he claimed to be in love with, despite the fact that every sentence betrayed his utter disdain and hatred for women. I had a pretty good measure of this guy, and then I read this one post….
He went to this one girl, and she was clearly new to it. He likes to think of himself as an authority on hookers, so he started asking her these kind of questions. Inevitably, she broke down – she hated it, every second of it. She told him she had no choice, and she didn’t want to be doing it. If memory serves, she cried. Having already paid, he asked her if he could still fuck her – from even his description of her response, her words said “if you have to”, and her body language and expression begged him not to.
And you know what? He fucked her anyway, because as far as he was concerned, he’d paid for it and her trauma didn’t matter.
That right there pretty much sums up my issues with prostitution. Men ask these things, because they want an ego boost. If you told you them hated it, most would do it anyway, and some would enjoy it even more.
As someone who has experienced sexual activity that they don’t want, I know how damaging it is, and I don’t believe for a second that women can continually have sex they wouldn’t choose to have without it causing some psychological damage at the time or down the line.
Im not passing judgement on these women, I understand why they do it and I believe they should have the right to do it – but I wonder how many of them are irreparably harmed by it. Not because sex is dirty, or it’s gross, or because sex should be about love. It’s because sex that isn’t something you actively choose and actively want is frightening and violating and harmful.
Jesus Christ, this guy sounds like an utterly appalling human, and doesn’t deserve to have sex with anyone. I’m totally with you when you say this: “sex that isn’t something you actively choose and actively want is frightening and violating and harmful.” I think that the sex work discussion is a really interesting one – I know a fair few sex workers, but I understand that the kind of sex workers I come into contact with are necessarily going to be those who are relatively active and open about their work, and they’re probably far more likely to be the ones who enjoy their work.
Basically, I think that sex work is something you can actively choose and actively want. The problems I have with certain aspects of sex work (e.g. rape, intimidation, coercion – the frightening and violating bits) are problems I have with those things in particular rather than sex work as a whole. Basically, I am anti trafficking and rape, rather than anti sex work, because I have read so many sex worker blogs and articles in which people explain that, for some people, it is a genuine positive choice.
I freaking love this topic. I find the experiences of sex workers endlessly fascinating. I have some limited experience of my own… I was Craigslist hooker for about a month ten years ago… And one who was very lazy when it came to making appointments (all the drugs I was doing had a lot to do with it) Almost all of my tricks were married guys who wanted me to degrade them, call them name, piss on them, which is weird because I advertised myself as a college student type. I generally found something about each guy that I liked. There was even one really hot bi guy with a huge cock who I would have paid to have sex with. Now that I’m writing this it turns out I could go on for pages so I think I have the topic of my next post. Lol
I have been an occasional client, usually on overseas trips. The scene has been usually a bar pick up. This means that you get to talk to the girl, see how she is and discuss price etc. Also good for her as she can walk away.
My experiences were generally positive and I was respectful to the girls. A satisfactory transaction all round.
I was recently incredibly horny in UK and tried Craig’s List. I found a girl and visited here home. I was apprehensive about this as she hadn’t sent me a face photo and it was strange to knock on a girl’s door asking for sex.
Anyway, as it happened she was voluptuous, sexy friendly and …just a nice person. I liked her and would have been happy just to have a drink with her.
The sex was good, she was considerate and eager to please and – apart from the bedroom door handle falling off and us being stuck for a while until I worked out a way of opening it – happy at what she was doing. She had never had any abuse, not even verbal, and told me she was selective with her clients through email review.
So a good experience for me and not a bad one for her. I wish all sex workers had the same satisfaction.