If you haven’t yet read it, you might want to see this article first: “Date a boy who travels”
Date a boy who travels. Date a boy who has an Oyster card or a car or one of those Segway things. Watch his face light up as he successfully navigates his way from A to B. Sigh blissfully at his ability to do things that you could only dream of.
Date a boy who treasures experience over toys. Who wouldn’t be seen dead in a Rolex. Date a boy who cares about memories, and this one time in Thailand when he and his mates got off their tits on mushrooms and cavorted wildly in the sea.
You might find this boy in a bookshop, a Starbucks, a back-alley, or somewhere on the internet. Offer to buy him a drink. Make sure it’s something unusual so that you can please him, while simultaneously pretending you’re just as interesting as he is.
His twitter account will be riotously colourful, and will make you feel stupid for not knowing what ‘chai’ is. He’ll study books and magazines that you probably don’t like, but his excitement for these things is a tangible reminder of just how much better he is than you.
Listen to his stories. He’ll have shitloads of them, and they’ll all be a thousand times better than anything you could say. Feel warm inside as he regales you with yet another tale of something incomprehensibly exciting. Cross your fingers and perhaps one day he’ll deign to let you join him.
Date a boy so that you can live vicariously through him. He will teach you what excitement feels like, his stories of risk-taking will throb powerfully through your veins, and every single thing he introduces you to will be new and fresh and good and superior. Date a boy who tells you how you feel. And know that he is right.
Wait for him to propose, which he’ll do if and only if you’ve proved that you’re capable of living the same life as him. You’ll get married on a beach somewhere, or in the middle of a crumbling temple, or while bungee-jumping into a pool of understandably terrified dolphins. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Let this magical traveling wonder-boy show you how to live your life.
Date a boy who travels. Or not.
Or don’t do any of this. Because although this article has been shared around the internet like it’s a template for The Happy Life Of A Straight Woman, straight women are in fact not all identikit man-hunting machines. Nor do we languish in a chrysalis-like state, with no ambition or desire of our own save the hope that one day – one day – our prince will come and shape us into more exciting human beings.
Date a boy who likes you. Date a boy you like. Date a boy who watches some of the same TV shows as you. Date a boy who hates your taste in music but smiles indulgently when you drag him to a karaoke night. Date a boy who values experiences, possessions, trips abroad, Rolex watches, food, drink, politics, or whatever. Date a boy who values you.
Date a boy who sees you as an individual rather than a bucket into which he can pour his own ideas. Date a boy who knows you’re not a piece of clay to be moulded and shaped by someone who knows better. Date a boy who is interested in your stories, who brings you on his adventures and wants you to bring him on yours.
Date a boy who travels, a boy who sings, a boy who cries, a boy who skateboards, a boy who shouts at the TV when Question Time is on. Date a boy who eats nachos like a pig, who is teetotal, who drinks like a fish, who is a domestic wizard or who never does the washing up. Date a boy who teaches reading to children, or watches Game of Thrones with one hand down his pants. Who calls you ‘princess’ and won’t fart in front of you, or a boy who laughs when you dribble yoghurt down your chin. Date a boy who couchsurfs, a boy who holidays at Butlins, or a boy whose idea of adventure is a trip to the 24-hour supermarket with a printed discount voucher.
Date a boy who likes you. Date a boy you like.
13 Comments
He he he. Reminds me of the ‘Date A Girl Who Reads’ thing that gets reblogged every now and then, and the ‘Date An Illiterate Girl’ follow up/semi-spoof:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads/
Anyway, you captured my thoughts on this type of bollocks exactly. Thanks.
Date An Illiterate Girl was actually the first one, and it was nothing like the trash that followed. It wasn’t about anything as mundane and cliched as finding some ideal, perfect mate or clumsily mythologising your own passion/hobby. It was heartache and despair and so much more. I always find it sad that it gets lumped with all the moronic, repetitive self-aggrandizing that came later, and worse still, gets called a follow-up! Have another go at it, and hopefully you’ll find it more rewarding. :-)
This was great though. What a relief.
Oh no no, don’t get me wrong! You’re absolutely on the penny there! That’s why I called it a “semi-spoof”, although I’m not sure how to say how I feel about it to say anything further, so I’ll just say that you and I are probably on the same wavelength here. It’s about a certain feeling and a certain experience without necessarily condoning or condemning it. It’s very good and, you’re right, it shouldn’t be lumped with wistful wanderlusting or prescriptions about how you should build yourself up around another person.
Why is this so focussed on dating ‘a boy’? All you are doing is re-enforcing archaic gender-based stereotypes and promoting heteronormative relationships. Instead, this article could have been free of gender bias and written in such a way that allowed any kind of reader, be they straight, male, bi, trans, or anywhere else on the wonderful rainbow spectrum of genders and sexualities to identify with the sentiment.
Hi Charlie, this did occur to me. I’m really aware that there are many many different types of relationship, however in order to properly parody the original (if you check out the link at the top you can see it) I needed to reflect the language. That’s why towards the end of the post I made specific mention of how the article I’m parodying is trying to be “a template for The Happy Life Of A Straight Woman”.
I hadn’t been aware of the original article before today. Thankfully my FB friends aren’t cunts ;-)
I couldn’t read the whole of the original article, as I was screaming “Fuck off!” Aat
As I was saying, I was screaming “Fuck off!” at my screen in angry disbelief. What a pile of anti-feminist shite!
There is no formula for happiness, but fawning at the feet of a Hipster blowhard is a million miles from any I might conceive. I do wonder how some of these articles make it into print. Utter drivel.
Nice parody, BTW.
“Date a boy who values you.”
Bingo.
I could not finish that ‘Date a boy who travels’ article. Bloody hellfire it was painfully idealistic, not to mention poorly written.
I never saw ‘You should date an illiterate girl’ before. That was actually really good.
Not only is this a great parody, it’s actually much better written than the original. Thanks!
ugh, what a majorly offensive, anti-feminist, BS the original article was. who the fuck writes crap like that? and why is that allowed to be published?! ugh
thanks for an awesome parody of it
Those articles are so annoying. Bravo to you for creating the parody and conveying your (on) point with such style.
I actually thought I wanted to date a boy who travels because of the free spirit and non-committal nature. But most women would not want that, anyway… Well done.
Just perfect.