On the list of ‘top 10 emails most likely to grab my attention’, shortly behind ‘free gin’ is the email that says ‘would you like a guest blog about cock?’
This week’s guest blogger is Rose Tinted Glasses – someone whose writing I have admired for a very long time. He writes witty, charming, filthy stories and has a way with words that makes me wish I was sitting in the pub sharing these things with him.
He emailed me to offer a guest blog about dick – specifically on the age-old question ‘does dick size matter?’ I’ve always wanted to get a guest blog on this topic from someone who has a penis of their own. If I had one I’d be too busy masturbating and weeing patterns on concrete patio slabs, but he has kindly taken time out from penis-based fun to give us a filthy and insightful view on size, and everything that goes with it.
Does dick size matter?
I am old enough to have not had the Internet around when I discovered porn. Like most British boys back then I first saw porn in magazines, dumped in hedgerows in the countryside. A cliché, but like most clichés, it was borne of some truth. That really did used to happen. Walking along a country lane you think ‘what’s that in the undergrowth?’ and when you have a look, you have hit paydirt. A glossy, filthy magazine – thrown away by someone who did not want to be caught with it at home. Word would spread around the village, ‘There’s a jazz mag out by the path along the main road’ or wherever.
I remember one summer holiday afternoon a mate asking whether I wanted to check out the one he’d found that week. Of course I did. So we rode out on our bikes, left them at the top of an embankment just off the road, and scrambled down the grassy bank to a path at the bottom. There was a hedgerow and, sure enough, a porn magazine hidden in the undergrowth. We crouched down and flicked through the pages. “I’m gonna have a wank.” announced my friend, then added “If I wank like this more often, will my dick get to be as big as yours?”
I hadn’t got a clue. I told him I didn’t know. That was the first time I was really aware that cocks come in different sizes.
I’m in my mid-thirties and I am, generally, pretty secure in myself – in my sexual preferences, my likes and dislikes, and definitely comfortable with my cock. I’m happy with being me. It’s not enormous. I’m not a porn star with a huge dong. It’s bigger than average, but not so large as to be a ‘big deal’. I have learned, for certain, that size isn’t good or bad. It’s just what it is. There is no such thing as ‘too small’ or ‘too big’. No such thing as ‘too curved’ or ‘the wrong shape’. People either fit together well or they don’t – and whatever your cock is like, there are people out there who it will work perfectly for. So perfectly they will be screaming your name and begging you to put it back inside them.
Our self-image is governed by the reactions and comments of others. Their perceptions are filtered through their own past experiences. It’s circular. Whilst sort-of-dating (but really more like sort-of-shagging-regularly) two girlfriends in our first year of university, one of them would tell me often how I was the biggest she had ever had, how much she loved it and how much it hurt, just a little, in that good way, when I was inside her. The other girl said quite the opposite. That my cock was ‘nice but not all that big’. Then again, she was able to swallow me all the way to the base of my shaft, so I took her at her word. A cynic might have thought that the former of the girls was lying to flatter me. I didn’t. I thought that they had just had very different past experiences.
My ex-wife was more experienced than I was, when we first met. She had been around. I mean that as a compliment – I admire a little experience and an open mind. She never complimented my cock, at all. She simply wasn’t impressed. We had talked about it, I forget why … and she just said that she’d had much bigger in the past. And it had hurt, to the point where it was unpleasant. Size really isn’t everything, guys.
Widening my sexual horizons over the years meant that I developed a bit more perspective on the size of my cock. You learn a lot about other guys’ dicks when you start enjoying threesomes, group sex, or going along to swingers clubs. Even more so when you get stuck in and play with some of the guys as well as the girls.
For example … there was a couple I had met at a swingers club. Only chatting, before everybody split off towards the bedrooms later on. They were friendly, and we stayed in touch online. The husband emailed me a few weeks later, saying that it was his wife’s birthday at the weekend and he wanted to give her a treat. Would I be up for calling round, along with as many other guys as he could round up, to gangbang his wife? I had no idea people actually used that word in the real world. Gangbang. It sounded like something you should only ever use in comedies. I am a sucker for new experiences though, so I said yes.
I followed the husband’s directions out to leafy suburbia on a quiet Sunday afternoon and knocked on the door. He answered, said hi, we shook hands, and he led me inside and straight up the stairs. “We’ve got ten guys, including you. More might turn up. I have to keep pulling these trousers back on to answer the door …” He pointed me through the upstairs rooms when we reached the landing. “That’s the bedroom, the bathroom, and the spare. If you can take off all your clothes in the spare room and just pile them up somewhere, then come through … I’ll see you in a minute.”
Now, I had been to sex parties before, but ten guys and one girl was a different matter entirely. Walking into a room full of strangers, naked, is an unnerving experience. We were all completely nude. Guys of all sizes and ages, standing around the perimeter of the bedroom. The husband had slipped out of his trousers, but still had a T-shirt on. He was the only one. His wife was kneeling in the middle of the bed, in the centre of the room. She was wearing a black lingerie set – nothing fancy, but nice. She was giggling and grinning from ear to ear. This felt weird, but not at all unsafe. Her obvious glee put me at ease. Nothing bad was likely to happen here. The husband laid out some ground rules. Sensible stuff. Condoms for penetration and if any of you are bisexual, please don’t freak out the straight guys in the room – this is just about giving her a treat, not you.
“Come on then.” said the wife. “Give me some cocks.” She reached to her left, for the nearest guy, and took his cock in her hand. He was halfway hard and she slowly stroked him all the way, then leaned over and took him in her mouth. A couple of the guys on the opposite side of the bed sort of looked at each other and shrugged, before climbing on to the bed. One positioned himself beside her and guided her spare hand to his crotch, the other knelt on the pillows at the top of the bed and gave her a slap on the arse cheek. She let the first guy’s cock go and giggled again. “Good start. Come on, the rest of you.”
I’m not here to tell you how that afternoon progressed in filthy detail (that is what my own blog is for), but it is a good way to talk about variety. We went from awkwardly standing around in various degrees of arousal to being a room full of hard cocks taking turns, anything up to five at a time, with the wife. When not joining in, most of us were standing beside, watching and wanking. There were guys with small cocks. Guys with circumcised and uncircumcised cocks. Guys with straight cocks, curved cocks, and even a couple of guys who couldn’t get it up. There was one guy with an enormous cock. Probably the biggest I have ever seen in the flesh. Long, thick, and kept rock-solid with a steel cock ring. He was taking poppers as well, which nobody else in the room wanted to join in with, despite his generous offers. At one point he was sliding his fingers into the girl’s cunt whilst I was fucking her – reaching between my legs with my balls slapping off his wrist and pushing two fingers in alongside my dick. I was thankful it was his fingers and not that massive cock.
I did learn something from that afternoon. (Aside from the welcome knowledge that being surrounded by other men didn’t stop me from performing, as it were.) I realised that despite the huge variation in cock size, and body shape … that girl was just as happy with every single one of us. She just wanted cock. She did not care if you had a big one or a small one. They were all good. (Which sounds like a certain Girl On The Net we all know and love.) And she was right. I have gone down on guys in my time. I don’t care if yours is smaller than mine, it’s still going to feel hot as hell wrapping my lips around it and making you come.
Did you enjoy that as much as I did? Then please do visit his excellent blog – Rose Tinted Glasses – and follow him on Twitter. I agree with most of what he says, although I have to take exception on the phrase ‘gang bang‘ (it is one of my favourites). But on dicks? They’re beautiful – long, short, fat, thin, curved in any direction: there’s more variety than Heinz. Ironically, one of the few areas in which men tend not to differ is in their attitudes towards their own dick – firstly that they worry about it, and secondly that they rarely ever need to.
32 Comments
Great piece.
Big cocks are like buses, I don’t have any dealings with one for months then along come two or three guys in succession with penises the size of U-boats :o
Happy with a nice medium size cock myself; medium large at the absolute maximum. Certainly not a fan of outsized cervix-bashers…!
This is shite though, as the overall encouraging sentiment of this piece only works in context of a gangbang or something. No one here would be happy with a long-term sex partner with a micro-penis, as horrible as that is to admit.
Bloody hell. Well, firstly I don’t think it’s up to you to decide what ‘no one’ would ever be happy with, particularly if you’re saying it in direct response to someone who has given their very personal thoughts on what they *would* be happy with.
I do think that there’s a point here somewhere about satisfaction from sex, though. If you’re the sort of person who can only be really satisfied through full penetrative sex using a partner’s dick then yes – a micropenis is unlikely to meet all of your sexual needs. I suspect I am probably one of these people. However, here are a couple of things:
– there are plenty of other ways to satisfy a partner other than through penetration with your dick. Hands, tongues, fingers, strapons, dildos, etc etc etc – the world is a fantastic place full of many awesome toys, so sex doesn’t have to always be a dick-centric thing. As I say, I think for me it probably does have to be, but I would no more claim my experience is true for everyone than Neil Armstrong would assert that anyone could visit the moon.
– I’ve had my fair share of dick (maybe a bit more, depending on what you reckon is ‘fair’) and no one I have ever been with had had significant reason to worry about his size. What that means is that I’ve had a pretty wide range, from guys I’d describe as ‘huge’ to guys I’d describe as ‘tiny’. I don’t think I’ve ever fucked anyone with an actual micropenis, but I have fucked a couple of guys (alone – not as part of a gang bang) who have been very small. As I say in my wrap up, most of the guys I’ve been with have worried about the size of their dick, and most of that worry was unnecessary. Even the guys who were smaller were still perfectly capable of satisfying me, and we had a good time together.
Final point – I love a good debate, and disagreement is excellent, but please try to keep it civil. While I’m used to people calling *me* a twat, I’m not in any way comfortable with someone responding to a guest blogger saying that what they’re saying is ‘shite’. It’s rude. And for the same reason as I wouldn’t let you say that to one of my friends if you came to my house to visit, I’d prefer you not to speak to guest bloggers like that. I’ve invited this blogger here because he writes well and has an interesting perspective, and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable just because you can’t express disagreement without being rude. Please be civil.
I don’t think Stevie (is it Stevie? I’m guessing from the username) was being deliberately rude there. Maybe just not cleaning up his language before typing. I get his point.
One thought: A micropenis is an actual medical thing. Probably not something we should really joke about. I’m not sure that’s what he was referring to either – I’m guessing he just meant a guy with a particularly small dick. And fair enough. There is no ‘big’ without ‘small’. Human beings are a spectrum, after all.
Another thing: When you are talking about a long term relationship, a guy’s cock can only be a tiny part (no pun intended) of the overall package. A cock is attached to a person. You fall in love with the whole person, and if you can’t handle the small penis, you don’t want to be in that relationship in the first place. (When it’s just sex, then fire away – sometimes you just want a stiff cock. In that case, feel free to pick the kind you like. Bigger, smaller, curving the wrong way, or whatever floats your boat.)
Basically though, I guarantee that whatever size and shape a guy is, some girls (and/or guys, trans folk, etc) will definitely be interested in him. And somewhere out there he will hopefully find the girl whose most sensitive spot is *right* where his cock presses when they fuck. Because believe me, there is a lot of variation out there on that side of the fence too.
I apologise if it came across as rude. It’s a well-written piece. I was referring more to the point it was making. I suppose “everyone here” was a veiled reference to GOTN, who would obviously find it… a problem to maintain a long-term sexual relationship with a partner who has a genuinely small penis. Is that too presumptuous. Again, sorry if it is. I’m just going all the references i this blog to the immense pleasure of feeling ‘full’ etc. All the other points are valid, I’m talking from a purely perfunctory point of view. If you are unfortunate enough to be born with a truly small penis, then gay or straight, it’s not… perfect is it.
Ah, I’m sorry. I was possibly just being a bit over-touchy. I get like that with guest blog stuff because I want as many awesome people to want to write here as possible.
And yes, you are sort of right that I probably wouldn’t be sexually satisfied with a long-term partner who had a micropenis. But, as RTG pointed out, a micropenis is a technical thing meaning quite unusually small: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micropenis I suspect my cunt just wouldn’t tesselate with one of those successfully. I might be wrong, though, so I shouldn’t necessarily say ‘never’.
But I stand by the fact that I’ve fucked guys who are reasonably small when compared to the average, and I’ve had a bloody good time. I won’t give you the corollary (I’ve fucked some guys who were so huge it wasn’t fun) because I have fucked guys who are huge too and it definitely was fun. It’s just that there’s a hell of a lot more to sex than just wielding a gigantic penis.
And RTG – you make a good point about there being a lot of cunt variation as well. I think a lot of what’s satisfying when it comes to pure physical sensation (not that it’s all about that, by any means) comes down to how well two people fit together rather than whether one or other of you fits a standard template.
[Blog post explaining in detail how a common insecurity for a group of people isn’t justified]
“Oh, whatevs, it TOTALLY is.”
*sigh*
You’re massively incorrect. As I explain below, I would rather have a micro penis than an overly large one. Women are all different sizes too, and we are not all turned on by large cocks. They frighten me, since my insides are mangled and my vagina is short and narrow. Once a man has caused you to pass out by slamming into your cervix, you long for a smaller one. Believe me.
My husband is larger than average and it’s more limiting than if he was small. I can’t do certain positions at all, and we can’t just let go and fuck hard in lots of others – having your partner doubled over in legitimate agony that lasts days is quite a turn off, believe me.
I hate the women who make us all out to be size queens, and the guys that perpetuate this nonsense.
Oh, and it makes anal a nightmare. We’ve managed proper anal sex once, for about a minute and a half. It was amazing, but then it became too painful. All other attempts to date have been painful and quickly aborted – although I’m determined to keep trying. I also really want to be able to deep throat him, but my throat opening is too small, my tongue gets in the way. Again though, not giving up.
If he had a smaller one, I can think of at least ten things right now that I could do that we can’t do now, or that we could do more easily. Do I like it when it feels like he’s tearing me open? Sometimes, yes. Does my enjoyment depend on it, not even slightly.
I guess I’m lucky in a way, since my starting point is very small but I can stretch, which means I can feel “full” from a huge range of sizes.
Of course, men are always far more concerned with length than girth, which I’ll never understand – vaginas are short, people! Like, I saw a guy on TV recently who developed a penis stretching device – he got it out, and it’s like a novelty oversized pencil. Really long and thin = worst penis type possible, as far as I’m concerned. Then again, he may have been gay and I’m sure that’s a preferable shape for anal.
I think a man having a big cock is like him having hair on his head: it’s nice to look at, but I don’t miss it if it’s not there. The two lovers I’ve had the most wonderful sex and most passionate relationships with have both had small to medium cocks (and the best of those two was with a man who is entirely bald). Small cocks are also easier to suck, especially for long periods of time. I’ve also had excellent sex with a man with a really big cock, one that really challenged me in PIV sex.
Basically I like having sex with men. :) And I enjoyed hearing the point of view of a man who got to see with his own eyes that this woman loved those cocks in all shapes and sizes. I wish I could have enjoyed them as well.
Good point re: sucking – it’s much easier to get a smaller cock all the way into your mouth, although I do like the challenge of trying to do it with someone bigger =)
I have to disagree with you re: head hair, though. I cannot get enough of bald guys. Occasionally, when I’m at a gathering that has a higher than average ratio of bald men, I get overly aroused and need to take myself to one side and give myself a talking-to. Bald guys: mmm… Still – it takes all sorts =)
I love cock (god I love cock) but does anyone else find them funny? Big ones, small ones, curved ones, straight ones all threaten to give me the giggles. Bur it’s the ball sack that usually pushes me towards hysterics. I know this is bad and I do try to cover by making a dumb joke or whatever but I can’t help it! And it doesn’t mean I don’t love your cock. Maybe it’s just nerves.
Guys, if you ever date a small girl with weird hair who giggles at your dick, please try not to take it personally!
Oh God no – I definitely don’t find them funny. I am probably weird and twatty about this, but I had an ex who used to do the ‘naked jumping up and down’ thing. While it was quite amusing to watch his dick flabble around the place, it actually made me really sad. I get overly defensive about sex as humour, because I fear that if I launch into it too much (or my partner does) then it’ll be harder to see them as a sexual person.
Cocks are serious business =)
Out of interest, do you find it more difficult to see someone as a sexual person when you’re in love / comfortably cohabiting? My filthiest friend has this problem. Loses her sex drive a lot when in an actual relationship. My husband told me early on that he really struggles to see women he loves as sexual beings, and vice versa – fortunately, we’ve overcome that and have a great balance now.
It’s a shame when your brain forces you to compartmentalise different emotions that way, because humour, love, sadness, frustration etc etc all make sex far more awesome. For example, my husband and I were at it on the sofa and I was making a lot of noise until I realised the windows were open and loads of people heard me (based on what they’d heard, I was concerned they may have thought that it wasn’t entirely…. err, consensual, shall we say). Anyway, he made a joke which put us both into utter hysterics – and the effect on my pelvic floor was even more amazing than gagging. He definitely enjoyed it, to the point where he continued trying to make me laugh because it felt so good. Overall, it was a memorable and brilliant experience, and weirdly bonding!
Hmm… good question. I have certainly known men for whom this was sometimes a struggle, particularly guys who – while well into kink and BDSM – would find it hard to dominate me if there were emotions attached. I guess there’s something there about the idea that sex and love are somehow fundamentally different, and often we’re told that they don’t/shouldn’t mix. I don’tr think I’ve ever had similar problems – I always thought that my sex drive tended to get a bit lower in relationships, but I chatted to my partner about this recently and we tried to work out how often we had/wanted to have sex now as opposed to when we first met. Basically we came to the conclusion that we probably have just as much sex, just spread out over the week (because we live together now) rather than crammed into one or two evenings. I don’t think love makes me feel differently about it, though – if anything I think the more I love someone the easier I find it to open up about some of my more controversial/odd/potentially hilarious fantasies, and I reckon that comfort in and of itself is pretty hot.
I love your sofa story, it reminds me of a short bit by Russell Howard (the stand up) about his girlfriend giggling during sex and it being the most amazing feeling. I’m struggling to find a YT video of it, but I’ll see if I can dig it out.
Your blog satisfies a question I consider as epic as “What’s the meaning of life?” and “Did Van Halen really count after David Lee Roth left?” Congratulations on making Kinknote.com’s Top 5 Blog Post of the Week!
I don’t know quite what to say. Thank you? Wow. That’s some high praise. (Thought I wouldn’t say we’ve *satisfied* the question … given an opinion or two, for sure!)
Great piece.
I have written a blog post wondering why it is that nobody compares nor worries about their fingers, considering how much we actually use them for sex. And wondering how porn stars would look like if they were selected for their finger size. Or how spam e-mail would try to sell us finger-enlargement pills. Unfortunately it’s in French ;-) But probably coming soon(ish) in English on the (still embryonic) sibling blog “And Eat It Too“.
My view, as a predominantly gay woman who adores strap-on sex, is that size does matter, for me, and I completely get the whole ‘feeling full’ thing, but I think girth is more important than length. That’s a personal preference though, I know some women who definitely prefer smaller cocks, of the natural or silicone variety.
One of the many wonderful things about sex with women is that you can choose your cock size depending on the activity or where you are putting it.
Good grief. I had never thought of that. Custom cocks. Choose-Your-Own-Cock-Adventure. Changing it up because you can. That’s kind of a horny notion. Thank you.
Dan Savage does advocate the use of strapon dildos for straight sex too : you choose what cock you want or need, and you don’t have to worry about the erection thing…
Great article. My current partner does not have a huge penis, but OMG he is the hottest lover ever. We talk about everything and he really listens. One by one he has been helping and encouraging me to share and act out my fantasies. He challenges me constantly and stretches what I thought were my boundaries. By the time he thrusts his cock into me during sex he has usually teased me, fingered me, licked me, spanked me, denied and often tied me up… and I am usually begging so hard for him to fuck and use me that I can reach a shaking orgasm within seconds. As other have said, smaller cocks fit well into mouths and throats. Anal sex is great with him too. Unnngh! The best sex is often more about what is going on in our heads than exactly how we are rubbing our bodies together.
I wrote an article, The “truth” about size on my own blog recently. OK so mine is from a female perspective, but like most girls here, I’m not much fussed about size, but am much more interested in ability. I love cock but I love it even more if the guy actually knows how to use it, and like Cava Supernova, I’m not a big fan of having a bruised cervix. Size is great if coupled with ability, but a crap shag from a big cock, is still a crap shag. The fact that the guy was huge just makes it a bigger disappointment.
No, for me, if I can’t have size and ability, then ability wins every time.
Katie xx
I think an important detail missing from this is what she thought of the guy with the massive cock in that situation.
I imagine something along the lines of a Gangbang End Boss: an intimidating but ultimately satisfying challenge…
Ohhh myyyyy, I SO enjoyed reading that!!!!
hot hot hot! I am off to read rose tinted glasses…
Is it me? Did Rose Tinted Glasses close down his website? I wanted to read more!
Oh no! I hadn’t spotted that! That’s a huge shame – I hope he’s OK.
I lost my virginity to a guy with a small c
I lost my virginity to a guy with a small cock. Most people would say tiny, I guess. If you put your hand around it, it didn’t come out the other side. I was 14, it wasn’t the first I’d seen, but I genuinely didn’t care – the sex was still fine, as much as it can be when you’re new to it. What freaked me out was that it still hurt – not just the first time, but every time. That’s when I knew I had a pretty small vagina, although I didn’t really think about it like that at the time.
Luckily, everyone I slept with after that was average (with a couple of exceptions). Men cannot understand the relief I would feel when I got their pants off and discovered something non-terrifying down there.
Then of course there was Goliath. I was 21 at the time and this guy was older, cooler and generally way out of my league. I laughed off his commitment phobia and figured I’d be different. The first and only time we had sex, I literally gasped when I saw it. He was over 6’5″ and it came past his belly button. I’d had a few drinks and figured I could handle it. After a small amount of foreplay, I climbed on top, slid down it, and promptly passed out due to the explosion of pain. At the time I didn’t know I was suffering from endometriosis and my insides were fucked up (I’ve since learned not to let a penis anywhere near my cervix unless they want me unconcious). Coming round was pretty humiliating. We had a half hearted bit of gentle sex and then we never saw each other again. I would rather go back to the first guy than suffer through that again.
My husband is the second biggest I’ve dealt with – it’s longer than average, as way thicker. It’s a problem at times, although lube is my best friend and takes most of the pain away. The main thing is that he uses it brilliantly.
So when I see men panicking about their penises, I want to tell them that there are plenty of us tiny-fannied ladies who’d much rather a small than a big one. Unfortunately you don’t hear much from us but, when you find one, you’ll see a genuine grin of relief when she realises she can fuck you hard without fainting!
I’m a guy and have been trying online dating with little success yet. But on a more sex oriented dating site I have come across women who explicitly stated size does matter and it needs to be 9″ or longer, one even stated 12″ or forget it. I realise they are the minority and shallow in my opinion.
To be honest though my entire sexual experience has been two women in my life to date. But neither worried about size. I suppose it could be similar to the boob size thing for men with women thinking we all want beach ball tits to play with and ogle. This of course at least for myself is a complete fallacy. Besides I actually don’t like massive tits. I suspect the porn industry has a lot to answer for in these societal views of size/etc. As others have mentioned sex is more than just ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’.
Of course it matters rather have to much than not enough! We women want to feel fulfilled & satisfied I would think. I’m sure my husband would fall into the category of being very well endowed & having a large (Long) one at 23 cm’s ( 9 in.) would be fair to say. The 1st. time I saw all of him in his beautiful, fully erect glory. I was a little amazed & scared at first but very curious, after we had made love for the 1st. time I knew he was the one for me!He knows just how to please me & make me very happy in more ways than one! I consider myself to very fortunate woman to have met & married such an incredible man. ;-)