Girl on the Net

This week’s guest blog comes from the brilliant Broken Sub. Her blog is searingly honest, and combines some straightforward, fun sex blogging with some fascinating reflective posts on BDSM and her submission.

I don’t want to say too much by way of introduction, because I don’t want to detract from her own words, but I should warn you that the blog includes discussion of abuse. It’s also incredibly personal, and very thoughtful. If you want to find out more, please do check out her blog.

Hit Me, But Only When I Tell You To

Girl on the Net introduced me to the acceptability of blogging about sex, and particularly BDSM sex. So, I thought I’d write about how my life as a submissive is in conflict with my past, of sexual abuse.

I was abused from the age of 11 to 17, by a close family member. He was a lot taller than me, a lot larger than me, and a hell of a lot more powerful than I was, particularly as a small, 70 pound 11 year-old.

I was forced into submission, used as if I wasn’t a person, and unsurprisingly enough, it caused me a lot of problems, emotionally and mentally. I saw sex as unimportant, and so I slept with A LOT of people. I became a ‘slut’ in the eyes of society, because it was my way of coping.

This continued for a while, until things changed. I met someone. And everything became better. I met a man who learned my past, and didn’t run away, scared of the mess that I was. He was eager to try being a Dom, something he had never even considered in the past. And now? We are in a committed relationship, and I am a happy sub.

I don’t believe that my present submissive tendencies have anything to do with my past abuse. I love to feel small, when my partner stands over me, to give control to someone who uses it to make me feel good.

Why doesn’t this scare me?

I trust him. It is as simple as that. He knows my history, and he doesn’t let it stop him. When I talked to him about starting a BDSM lifestyle, he was unsure, simply because he had never done it before. He was the most enthusiastic beginner I have ever met. He was willing to test his limits constantly, always checking how I was feeling. He taught me new things about myself that I never knew, and, on the days that I reacted badly, he stopped immediately, and just held me, until the fear had passed. I adore him, and I know that this relationship works for us. He has discovered an incredibly dominating side to his personality that I’m not sure he knew existed before. And I get all the benefits!

Should I give a fuck about what society thinks?

Society always told me that, as a ‘survivor of sexual abuse’, I was supposed to be wary of entering into a sexual relationship, and that I would always have trust issues in my relationships. So, what would society think about the fact that I am now in a perfectly consensual submissive relationship? Society would tell me that I’m putting myself in a danger situation, one that could trigger all my past issues.

You know what? Since I entered this relationship, I have worked through so many of my issues. My partner has helped me cope with the fear, and learn to trust in people again. He taught me that I can allow myself to be submissive, and not constantly fear that I will be abused. The consensual power exchange in our relationship is the best choice I could have made. When I’m tied to the bed, and he stands over me with a riding crop (my current favourite), I don’t feel scared of him. Instead, I feel a wave of lust and arousal, and joy at my situation.

So, to those in my situation, or those who are considering a BDSM relationship, I say this. If you are in a loving relationship, and you trust your partner, give it a go. Do not let your past hold you back from having an amazing sex life!