Girl on the Net

“Yes. Fuck. That’s it. That’s good. Your dick feels so fucking good in me right now. Pull out when you come, though: I want to watch your jizz squirt all over me.”

Delighted with the mental image I’ve placed in his head, he fucks me harder, and in between moans and pants he manages to growl: “Say that again.”

“Pull out and squirt all over me. I want to watch it pumping out of your dick.”

Occasionally I realise I’ve been remiss in my sex stories: I focus so much on one particular thing – such as the satisfaction of feeling someone squirt hot spurts of jizz directly into my cunt – that I forget to emphasise how hot the alternative can be – such as spunk poured liberally down the back of my throat, or used to splatter the flesh on my stomach and tits. So today I’d like to dedicate a bit of time to one specific delight: watching the jizz squirt out of the end of someone’s cock.

Best masturbators for jizz squirt fun

A selection of colourful pearlescent OffBeat masturbators

While I talk to you about the specific joys of watching jizz squirt out of cocks, I am also going to subtly hint to you that you should buy a new sex toy. Specifically the Off Beat Masturbator. It’s made by Godemiche, who sponsor my site, and who also make a whole range of colourful dildos and butt plugs. Emphasis on ‘colourful’: you cannot miss their stand at sex toy trade shows – it looks like a unicorn ate a rainbow then puked joy all over the table. In a good way.

They gave me two versions of their new masturbator – Grande and Venti, both in pearlescent colours – and asked me if I fancied writing something about it. The tricky thing is, I was at a loss as to what to write. Anyone who knows about masturbators will immediately understand why this one is worth buying. It feels great, is ridiculously simple to clean, and it’s made of silicone. This final point is the one I imagine will be the biggest selling point for most of you – I haven’t ever used a silicone masturbator before, because the vast majority tend to be made from substances like TPE which isn’t as body-safe as silicone and can be sticky and difficult to clean. Some masturbators even ask you to dust them with special ‘renewing powder’ after use (protip: this powder is basically cornstarch, which you can buy cheaper at the supermarket). If you’re the owner of a number of masturbators, like I am, and you fancy a punt on this, allow me to nudge you into ownership by pointing out that the OffBeat is only £20 for the ‘Grande’ (or £25 if you’d like the slightly larger version – ‘Venti’). Basically, it’s a great masturbator.

But if I just say that, then this blog post becomes interminably dull and all of you switch off, so instead I’m going to talk about my favourite feature: the OffBeat is open at both ends. Thus allowing me to collect my post-hand-job reward: the chance to watch the jizz squirt out, ideally all over my face.

I am a jizz squirt conoisseur

Jizz squirts are like snowflakes: no two are ever the same. My favourites are, of course, the intensely powerful jizz squirts, where both ejaculatory force and spunk volume combine to create a volcano of excitement. But there’s satisfaction to the gentle jizz squirts too, where after you’ve come too many times already in one day, I finally manage to coax your exhausted dick into one more orgasm, and the thudding twitches of your cock produce a few small, precious dribbles to prove that my work was worthwhile.

I like the dick squirts.

Dick squirts are one of my favourite parts of sex. Perhaps because the years have taught me to read ejaculation as a sign of personal victory: they represent the seal of approval on my own sexual achievements. It doesn’t usually matter where that jizz squirt goes, as long as I – the producer of it – have some evidence that it’s gone somewhere. The feeling of spunk pumping into my ass or cunt, the taste of it thick and salty at the back of my throat, a splattering across my tits that I can rub into my skin, revelling in the sticky wetness of it… In fact nearly all my favourite sexual scenarios end with an internal or external pop-shot that I can either see with my eyes or feel pouring into me.

Except hand jobs with masturbators.

Now. I love masturbators. I’ve talked a LOT on this blog before about just how much I adore them – the Rolls-Royce fancy dick toys, the simpler strokers, how frustrated I get when people try to write them off as ‘creepy’ in a way they’d never do with clitoral vibrators, etc. But as a general rule even my favourite masturbators tend to be closed at one end. It’s handy for clean-up purposes, and means you don’t end up spraying spunk all over the carpet the way I did when I got an ElectraStim Jack Socket, but you don’t have the same range of choice in where to squirt your jizz.

Because – and I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet? – I really like watching the jizz squirt out the end of your dick. I can feel your cock pumping, if I’m gripping the sheath tightly, and if it’s made of a completely clear material I can sometimes watch the head of your dick pressing against the end of the sheath as it pumps squirt after squirt of spunk right up against the end of the toy (hot, obviously). But with most masturbators (especially those which come in plastic holders) I miss out on seeing, feeling or tasting the main event.

Watching jizz squirt out of the end of a masturbator

One of the first masturbators I ever used on my current partner had a tiny hole in the end. It was flexible and squishy, and textured on the inside, then at one end it had a teeny tiny hole which you could cover (for more suction) or leave uncovered (for a looser, sloppier hand job). As it was his first introduction to this particular kind of sex toy, you can imagine my delight when I saw his eyes widen as I slipped it over his cock, and heard ‘holy fucking shit‘ as I squeezed and slid it right down to the base. But the best part was that as he reached his (rapid, impressive) climax, I forgot to cover the tiny hole and ended up with a Jackson Pollock of jizz all over the front of my t-shirt. Unfortunately, shortly after this incident my partner used the toy on his own and accidentally fucked right through the end of it, and we haven’t had a similar experience since.

Until we tried the OffBeat.

A ‘Venti’ blue OffBeat masturbator gripped in someone’s hand for scale

It’s nice, sure. It feels good. It’s easy to clean and made of silicone and all that blah-blah good stuff. But most importantly of all, it gives me the opportunity to see the jizz squirt out of the end of your cock. The chance to keep wanking you off vigorously with the sheath, with an open mouth ready to catch the spunk when you come. It allows me – with enough warning from you, of course – to keep my hand-job rhythm going at the exact same speed and intensity, up until the very moment when you start to squirt, and I just lean forward and let it spray all over my tits.

You can do all this with other masturbators, of course, it’s just that with a closed masturbator your timing needs to be perfect. You need to be warned of approaching orgasm, whip the masturbator off the cock in hand, and then point aforementioned cock in exactly the right direction at the perfect moment. Too early and you might lose the orgasm, too late and you’ll miss half the jizz.

I would never dream of declaring one masturbator the ‘best’, because my personal opinion is that if you enjoy using masturbators, and you can afford it, you should have a collection that includes a wide range and variety. The OffBeat is a great addition to your collection, because of the made-of-silicone thing and the feels-good thing, and the easy-to-clean thing. But above all, it gives you more control over your jizz squirt.

Show me, splatter me, fill me: as long as I get to experience the squirt, I’ll be a happy woman.

As mentioned above, Godemiche sponsor my site which means if you buy from them I’ll get kudos and they’ll hopefully continue sponsoring my site. I wouldn’t bother telling you about this wank sheath if I didn’t think it was great, though, I’d just ignore their emails or shuffle my feet or cough politely and offer to write about a different sex toy. 

So if you like the sound of it, buy it! For £20/£25 it’s an absolute bargain, and I hope you have lots of fun with the jizz squirts. You can get it in three different silicone types: 

• OffBeat Standard (a range of cool bright colours)
• OffBeat Pearlescent (swirly patterns and my favourite finish)
• OffBeat UV (which glows in the dark – woo!)

Use the code GotnShop for 10% off everything on their site – and check out some of their other products too – I used some of their cute butt plugs recently to do some butt plug training, and I thoroughly recommend those as well.