Girl on the Net

If you’ve been here a while, you’ll have met this week’s guest blogger before – back in May she wrote this gorgeously hot account of the sexy experiment that turned out far better than she expected. Now ‘A’ is back to talk about role play, and embracing sexual play that makes her feel small and cute.

Like a few other guest bloggers and kinky folks, A uses ‘Daddy’ as an honorific for her partner, and they role play within that context. They are both well over the age of 18, and aren’t related, but please do be aware before choosing whether to read. 

On feeling small… and cute

I have such an aversion to being called cute. It comes from a time when I thought there were only two ways for a woman to be – sexy or cute. My baby face, innocent demeanour and petite size put me squarely in the “cute” category. I feel like it defined me, so much so I fought to be “sexy” and then when I didn’t feel comfortable there, I fought to be “cute” again. I felt like I was always one or the other, there was never a comfortable medium.

I also have an aversion to accepting help. I’m 5’ 1” (½) and stubborn as hell. I won’t accept help unless I really have to, and I certainly won’t ask for it. It’s been a ridiculously long and well travelled road to get to a place where I don’t feel weak if I ask for help. I’ve fought, and still fight now, to be that strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man but I also don’t feel comfortable there – I like to be taken care of.

Pushing the boundaries

Calling him ‘Daddy’ started as an experiment to see if I could freak him out. I’m submissive and he has such a power and hold over me, but I’m also a fighty, stubborn girl and I often want to win our little mind and physical tussles.

He’s a hard guy to shake but he’s admitted that the first few times I said ‘Daddy’, it knocked him off balance. He’s a dad himself you see, but not long after he would occasionally call himself Daddy (whether by accident or that calculated, maddening dominance)… and if you know, you know!!

“Your head has dipped hasn’t it?”

Over the years, we’ve played with the term ‘Daddy’ a lot. We’ve roleplayed being the innocent young woman who gets caught watching porn and various others but quite honestly, we are terrible roleplayers – we’ll stick with it for all of 5 minutes, before the real us takes over.

In this time, “Daddy” has gone from something said to wind him up, to being played with during sex, to something more… real.

He’ll often text “morning little one” or “goodnight babygirl”. But my feeling little is not a constant. I wouldn’t say we’re D/s, nor are we DD/lg; we’re in a relationship and we have elements of both which come and go depending on our mood.

Sometimes, like when we’re messaging through the day but we’re not together in person, it doesn’t feel right to be blushing and dipping my head but his texts feel like a gentle tap through the fog of everyday life. Breaking through the stresses and strains of adult responsibility, I smile and feel all warm and fuzzy.

Other times, I instantly fall into that mood and it’s when I’m in that mood that he then begins to play with it. When we’re talking on the phone, his voice will change and he’ll say “What’s wrong babygirl? Are you feeling all small and little?” and he proceeds to tell me what’s actually happening to me, to my body – I’m hiding behind my hair, I’m blushing, I’m twirling my hair round my finger, my cunt’s throbbing, my head’s dipped. We’ve joked about him having cameras in my house so he can keep an eye on me so when he tells me exactly what’s happening, right down to pacing between rooms, or sitting on the steps and hiding, it makes me even more flustered, which amuses him.

Controlled, protected, small

I think surrender was always inevitable with him. We’ve always had something between us, it’s just taken years, plenty of experimentation and being open and honest with each other to figure it out. I feel safe with him – safe to be small, safe to be vulnerable, safe to let go, safe to be cute.

He sees my flaws and loves me anyway. He sees my quirks and sometimes loves me even more because of them. I love feeling small and cute with him, he makes me want to lay down my strength and wrap myself in his.