Girl on the Net

My partner has a beautiful dick. Really, truly, astonishingly gorgeous. For quite a long time I’ve nurtured a fantasy about cloning his cock with one of the dick-moulding kits, so I can get DP’d by two identical cocks. Seeing as we’re now rich in time and short on projects, we decided to get stuck in. The results of our cloning efforts are impressively accurate, and have laid the groundwork for some filthier blog posts to come a little further down the line. In the meantime, though, if you want to play along at home, here’s how you can clone your dick too.

Thanks to my fabulous site sponsor The Pleasure Garden, I recently became the proud owner of a Clone-a-Willy kit (which you can pick up yourself for just £34.99, and use the code GOTN10 for 10% off). If you’re planning on doing it yourself, as I would strongly encourage you do because it’s brilliant fun, I suggest you buy two kits (which means an initial investment of about £63, if you use the discount). We’ll come on to why in a second.

The first thing I’d like to note, just to get it out of the way, is that I know this product name is terrible. Clone a Willy. Clone a WILLY. I mean, come ON! Willy is a needlessly infantilising, dick-shrivellingly unsexy term. I get the impression that no one on the marketing team for this product fully understood how hot the product actually was. They were imagining it being used for playful games rather than full-throated (and full-cunted) fucking, so they picked a cutesy name which they imagined would pair well with giggles and fun.

They made a pervy product, but did not bank on perverts using it. If there is any point to me (and I really hope there is), it’s to show this company than cloning your dick is too hot a thing to be dismissed with words like ‘willy’. How about ‘Clone Your Cock’ instead? Or ‘Dick Double’? Or even, at a pinch, ‘Mimic Your Member’?

I say this up front because while I assure you that the Clone a Willy process was incredibly fun, and resulted in a whole lot of laughs, the gorgeously perfect cloned dick we created will be used strictly for filth. Straight-faced, wet-cunted, smoulderingly disgraceful filth. We’re not doing this so we can have a copy of his cock to give us something to titter over: we’re doing it so he can use one cock in my arse and the other in my cunt. So I can wank myself off with a copy of his dick while he uses his literal penis to facefuck me till my eyes water. So we can attach it to our fucking machine and do identicock spitorasts or DP. You get the idea.

How to clone your dick

Formalities out of the way, let’s take you through the steps required in order to clone your dick (or someone else’s). In the kit (which comes in a handy tube that doubles up as the outside of the mould) you get:

• a packet of white powder (this will make the initial mould)
• a thermometer (to check the temperature of the water you’ll pour into the powder)
• a wooden stirring stick
• a couple of pots of gunk which you mix together to form the silicone which will eventually fill your mould
• instructions
• vibrator for you to insert into the dick, so it has extra powers, over and above the powers you would expect from your average penis

Your first job is to measure how much of the tube you’ll need for the mould. This means you need to get a boner and hold the tube against your erection, leaving about half an inch spare at the end. Naturally, many of you will find that your inclination here will be to beat yourself in a wild and eager frenzy, while watching the hottest porn you own, in order to get your cock to as full a stretch as you can manage. I only mention it so as to encourage you: it was very fun watching my boyfriend do this bit.

Some of you may be wondering about size. Some of you are ALWAYS wondering about size. The truth is that whenever I talk about a sex toy for penises, someone will always pop up to explain just how gigantic their dick is and how they’re worried it may not fit. So for avoidance of doubt I’ll tell you that the tube is 2.5 inches in diameter (so 7.8 inches circumference according to this handy tool which helps me to maths) 11 inches long. In metric that’s 6.35 cm in diameter, 20ish cm circumference, 28cm long. You’ll need a bit of a gap round the edge of your dick when you insert it into the tube (so the moulding agent – which is apparently made of algae but has the texture of wet paper maché) has some space to form the mould around you.

Once erection had been achieved, my boyfriend stuck his dick in the plastic tube (sexy… still sexy), then we marked off the correct point with a Sharpie and cut the plastic to the right length. I’m an incredibly kind and giving person, so I then used an emery board to file off the sharpest bit where my scissors had left a spiky angle. Safety first, innit. The plastic doesn’t end up too sharp, and I doubt it would cut you, but it’s best to be on the safe side.

Cloning your dick: fun or failure?

Here I must confess to you a couple of potential issues with this kit. First, let’s address the ‘stage fright’ thing. The instructions on the pack say that in order to activate the moulding powder, first you must get water to exactly 90 degrees, then you add the water to the mould and mix it up. After mixing for exactly 45 seconds, you pour the mould gel into the tube and jam your dick in as quickly as possible, leaving it for 1-2 minutes until the mould is set.

Inevitably, if you’re planning to shove your cock in a plastic tube full of algae, under incredibly strict time pressure, you may have legitimate concerns about remaining erect. In order to assuage your concerns, I will give you a series of tips:

1. Get a cock ring. Any old cock ring will do, but we have a set of 3 cheap silicone cock rings of varying sizes. Cock rings help trap the blood in your dick and give you a more solid/long-lasting erection.
2. Prepare yourself with everything you need. If you’re gonna need porn, line up some porn. If you need fantasies, get those lined up so your imaginary cast is ready to go as soon as the water’s up to temperature.
3. If you have someone helping you with cloning your dick, it helps to get them to spectacularly fuck something up partway through the process, so any erection worries immediately melt away in the face of their own incompetence.

Yeah, I fucked up the dick cloning. Basically, I got the water to almost the right temperature, but I’d spent so long fiddling with taps that I thought ‘fuck it, that’ll do’ and added water to the moulding kit. Stirring quickly, I ordered Siri to ‘set a 45 second timer’, then when the timer went off I tried to pour. Unfortunately my faffing around added at least 6 seconds to the full stirring time which – combined with my slapdash attitude to water temperature – meant when I tried to pour the moulding paste into the tube it just emerged in one solid lump.

Splop.

Fail.

SHIT.

Big lump of fail right here.

I ran through to the living room from the kitchen, to where my partner was heroically beating away at his mighty and cloneworthy erection. His eager, horny eyes immediately clouded over with disappointment when he spotted that I’d entered empty-handed.

This is one reason why I suggest you buy two kits to clone your dick. If you have the cash to spare, just knowing that there’s another kit sitting nearby will make the whole process less stressful. It helps to alleviate any anxieties you have about stage fright while cloning your dick, and it also means that if you spectacularly fuck up the mixing process (like I did) you won’t spend the rest of Sexy Crafts Night beating yourself up.

If you choose not to heed my warnings, and think ‘fuck GOTN, I am DEFINITELY better at cloning dicks than she is’, then firstly fair enough – you almost certainly will be better at cloning your dick than me. Secondly, in case it’s helpful, here are my tips for ensuring you get it right first time:

1. get the water to exactly 90 degrees. Do not fuck about with this.
2. do not wait 45 seconds while stirring: stir quickly and get it mixed enough in 30 seconds. The mixture will be a bit lumpy, but honestly it really doesn’t matter.
3. do not panic about stage fright. Not only does the gel cure REALLY FUCKING QUICKLY around your throbbing member, it turns out that shoving your cock into body-temperature gunk is not quite as boner-killing as you might imagine it to be. Warm and squishy. Mmmm.

Clone your dick right

The great news is that we absolutely NAILED this on our second attempt. Having honed our technique, we had things down to a fine art. My dude lined up some phone porn, as well as some ‘watch it on the big telly’ porn, and did the aforementioned preparatory dick-jerking while I got the water to the right temp. Then, as I poured the water into the powder, set a 30 second timer and started mixing, he ran through to the kitchen – dick in one hand, phone in the other – to stand on an old towel I had laid down to catch any drips. When the timer went off, I poured the mixture swiftly and surely into the plastic tube, which he then plunged his cock into like… well… like an eager dude with a boner who’s been handed a tube of warm squish.

He then ordered “Quick, give me your tits, let me suck on your tits,” in a manner that was frankly so hot it should be illegal, I whipped up my top and let him eagerly suck on my nipples until we decided enough time had passed.

He withdrew his dick slowly from the tube and there it was: the exact impression of his penis in relief. I have to confess to a little bit of scepticism here. It doesn’t look like much, when you set the mould to dry (for 4-8 hours, apparently, but we left it until the next evening and it was fine). It just looks like a wet white tube which could easily be anyone’s penis. But wait, oh fuck please wait, because the results were SO MUCH BETTER than we could possibly have imagined.

To set a dick

Once we had the mould, the next step was to make the actual dick. I warn you, my dude and I at this point decided we couldn’t just do things like the instructions told us, because we had very specific ideas about how we wanted to use the dick. Instead of inserting the vibrator it comes with, we chose instead to cement the vac-u-lock attachment from our shiny new sex machine. This is so that (apologies for the technical language here) I can get fully rammed in both holes simultaneously by both his dick and the clone, the latter being attached to a robotic fuckmachine. I am not that excited about vibrators embedded in silicone, I am very excited about the idea of getting double-pounded by a matched pair of pricks.

Anyway. We found our vac-u-lock attachment and constructed an elaborate mount out of Lego to ensure it was sitting in the centre of the mould – at just the right height for the end to stick out of the silicone.

Vac-u-lock attachment plus Lego mount. We were very very impressed with our own cleverness. Lego Masters, eat your heart out.

Then we combined the clear silicone mix with the coloured silicone mix to create a satisfyingly silky goo…

Two pots, which you combine to create the magic silky goop.

…which we slowly poured into the mould itself. If you use the vibrator and do things as it says on the kit, you should get enough silicone from the pots provided.

Our beautiful cloned dick, waiting to cure and get fucked.

We had spare silicone (and vac-u-lock attachments are smaller than the vibes that come with the kit) so we used a pot and a half of each substance, which gave us plenty for the mould, with a little left over to make some random moulds of Lego which we are thinking of using to try and make buildable chocolates. What can I say? These Weird Times have turned us crafty.

Bit bubbly cos we rushed this, but fuck it.

This part was ridiculously easy, given that it essentially just involves pouring one batch of stuff into a tube. Then you wait 24 hours, which is way more challenging, because by this point you will be hopping from foot to foot, impatient to get your hands on your brand new dick.

Getting your hands on your brand new dick

Gang, it’s astonishing. Seriously astonishing. I had expected to be greeted with a slightly wonky, amateurish, looks-similar-to-his-dick-but-only-if-you-squint effort that was mostly enjoyable for the novelty factor. I’d expected ‘roughly the same proportions, so it feels similar in my cunt’ and I was simply not prepared for the incredible level of detail.

What we were greeted with when we peeled off the mould was a remarkably, spookily, intensely accurate copy of the exact thing. Right down to a tiny, delicate vein that runs down the length of his shaft. Down to the exact folds and creases in his foreskin, pulled back just before he had plunged into the goo. The ridges and bumps on the head! The exact curve and shape of the shaft from base to coronal ridge! The perfect – and I mean perfect – replication of this thing I love so much, immortalised in bright purple silicone.

It is remarkable. Seriously, utterly, truly remarkable.

If you put that dick in a room with a hundred other similar ones, made by a hundred similarly-dicked volunteers, I could pick my boyfriend’s out on sight. I could potentially even identify it blindfolded, purely by touch alone. If you’re after a photo, you’re shit out of luck: it’s so accurate that my partner is (quite rightly) not keen for me to show it to you. It would be like a literal dick pic, put through a jaunty purple filter.

I did not expect this, and nor did he. That same night during sexy shenanigans (which, of course, I will tell you about in a future blog post) I got him to hold the cloned dick next to his own, so we could admire the erections side by side. Brace yourself: the cloned one was so fucking accurate that when he wanted a bit more stimulation to keep his erection solid he automatically started moving his hand to wank the cloned dick. He instinctively started jerking it off. THAT IS HOW ACCURATE THE CLONE YOUR DICK KIT IS. I cannot stress enough that if you’re looking to clone your dick, and your main question is one of accuracy, this ‘Clone a Willy’ kit delivers in bucketloads. Since we first made it, it’s had pride of place on the kitchen table (what? We’re locked down! It’s not like we’ve any visitors popping round or anything!) and it’s proving impossible to walk past it every day without picking it up to admire how perfect it is.

My boyfriend’s got a truly beautiful dick.

And now we have two.

Here comes the salesy bit, which frankly I am not going to spend too much time on because you’re already sold, aren’t you? If you know and love a dick, you are going to want to make a copy of it to fuck, or even just to place on your mantlepiece as a testament to its magnificence. Clone your dick by grabbing a kit or two from The Pleasure Garden, using code GOTN10 for 10% off. Or go browse this page which lists out some of my sex toy recommendations.

If you want to clone your dick so you can fuck it anally then I need to make you aware that the dick this kit produces does not have a flared base (and to avoid incidents like my butt plug accident, any toy used anally needs to have a flared base for safety). I am a fan of kinky DIY, and I think it would be possible to use moulding clay to add a lip to the top of your dick mould once you have finished that stage, and buy extra silicone to pour in, thus giving the toy a flared base that’s suitable for anal use. I have not tested this, but I reckon it’s possible. I don’t recommend you do it right now, though, because we are in the middle of a global health crisis during which we need all the medical resources possible to help people with coronavirus, so please don’t get admitted to hospital with a copy of your own dick stuck up your arse. I shall return to this topic when life is back to normal. Because yes, I did buy a third kit.