Girl on the Net

As far as feats of sexual contortionism go, I thought Oxy had climbed the giddiest possible height when he wrote this guest blog about managing to suck his own cock. But I was wrong. Self-administered oral sex, it turns out, isn’t just for those with dicks. Today, Sara Cane (@saracanewrites) has a blow-by-blow (or should that be ‘lick-by-lick’?) account of how she used to lick her own clit. The whys, the hows, and the wildly impressive feats of self-contortion.

How I used to lick my own clit

Ageing can be cruel at times. I’m not saying it’s healthy but already, as I write this, I’m reminded of a time when I could survive on a few hours’ sleep and not feel like I needed caffeine injected straight into my veins the following morning. In those bygone times, I could drink half a pub dry and not feel like the world was imploding around me the following week. I could eat all sorts of crap and not have to worry about my favourite jeans getting a bit too tight. Oh, and I could also eat my own cunt.

They say youth is wasted on the young. I can’t help but agree with that sentiment. If I attempted to lick my own snatch now, at best I’d pull some back muscles and spend the next month hobbling around and groaning like Lara Croft’s butler in Tomb Raider II, or I’d just break my own neck. With the benefit of hindsight, I find myself pondering just why the hell I ever took my face out of my funbox?

Discovering I could do this was a case of part-accident, part-youthful-curiosity. Being a rather tall lass, it never really occurred to me that something so far away from my face could end up in my face. Truth be told, shorter girls seem more equipped to experience the joys of a bit of self-cunnilingus. I discovered it, oddly enough, while recovering from a leg injury.

Quite sporty in my younger days, I played field hockey, practiced kickboxing, was on the school track and field team and used to go mountain biking and hiking in the summer. Given that I’m not the most coordinated sort, it’s probably something of a miracle I didn’t spend the entirety of my teenage years in traction. Somehow, though, I did manage to escape with only cuts and bruises right up until the point, at just after 18, I dislocated my knee. Ouch.

A couple of surgeries later and off to the physio I went – and when I say ‘physio’ I mean ‘absolute goddess who would have been more than welcome to finger me on the stationary bike.’ I could write a War and Peace-sized novel about every sex fantasy I had about that blonde angel and her silky-soft hands.

Over time, she gave me various exercises to do at home to regain mobility and flexibility in my limb. Normally, I would have been a lazy arse about it but since the object of my every waking desire was instructing me to do those exercises, you can bet I did them! Undoubtedly this accelerated my recovery and soon I was able to properly kill it in the hospital gym. In retrospect, my over-eagerness to please my physio kinda shot me in the foot a bit. If I had been a lazy-arse I might not have been discharged so soon… I really didn’t think that through.

Anyhoo, perhaps because of my sporty nature back then, I had quite a lot of flexibility in my back. Far from a contortionist, of course, but touching my toes never posed a challenge for me. Soon enough, I realised I was a tad more flexible than I had even realised.

While doing a particular exercise, which involved lying on my back and riding an invisible, upside-down bicycle with my legs, I soon realised that my pussy wasn’t that far away. All horned up from having just come back from a session with Miss Majestic herself, I started to wonder… ‘Can I lick my own clit?’

I shimmied back a touch on the pillow I was using to support myself and swung my legs back over me. I got close… but not quite close enough. Still, sensing the possibility I persevered, grabbed another pillow to prop my head and shoulders up a bit more and tried again. This time, my tongue managed to make contact with my trimmed bush… I was only an inch or two away from the golden spot!

Now, it had become a personal challenge! I refused to be defeated by own body… after all, it’s my body. It should do what I want, right?

I popped over to the bed and after assembling pillows and cushions in a way that resembled one of those puzzles from the Krypton Factor, I lay down, with both my head and my lower back propped right up. One more swing of my legs over my head, I pushed my shoulders forward… and eureka! I could do it! I could lick my own clit!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t really get enough contact on it to get off. I was more just tongue-flicking the top-side of it, but as a proof-of-concept I was ecstatic with the results. Over time, I perfected my technique and positioning, and also spent way more time in the gym than is remotely normal, to further increase my flexibility. Eventually, providing I was sufficiently warmed-up first, I could get myself off.

And there really is something awesome about getting yourself off in this way. While it’s nowhere near as convenient as just going at yourself with a sex toy, or finding a willing partner, with practice you gain a sense of control that enables some truly fulfilling orgasms. A small bonus: I think my cunt tastes quite nice as well.

Additionally, I discovered that there are other ways to have fun with this. For example, pop a longish dildo in your mouth and you can fuck yourself with it; although I ended up buying one of those BDSM facesitting mask things because my jaw would get tired after a while… and all my dildos ended up with teeth marks in them.

Alas, while I can still just about fuck myself with a longer dildo in my mouth, my once flexible form is a little too rigid these days and – dare I say it? – I have possibly grown a little too lazy.

Such is life. Maybe I need to find myself a new goddess of a physio? I wonder if my girlfriend would be up for wearing the outfit…

If you enjoyed this piece about learning to lick her own clit, you should also check out some of Sara’s other amazing guest blogs here: the video game sex challenge, the time her girlfriend released her from chastity, and my personal fave – the coolest VR sex experience I’ve ever read about. Then go subscribe to her sexy blog here.