Girl on the Net

Have you ever read something that makes you think ‘wow holy shit, I am now so utterly desperate to suck a dick I am positively hurting for it’? That’s how I felt when I read this stunningly hot guest blog, by @jamiebear. Jamie Bowden-Smith is a historian of the late 20th century and runs the Gay News Archive Project, republishing the pioneering LGBT+ newspaper of the 1970s. He is also a very proud sub, as well as clearly an absolute blow job artist. He’s written beautifully before for the blog about the sexiness of smell and how evocative it can be when it comes to sex and memory. Now he’s here with a red-hot story that explains why he’s so proud of his submission…

I’m a proud sub

A lot of cis men, gay and straight and variations thereupon, don’t like to admit to being a sub. Perhaps there’s something about having a penis that means we’re always meant to be on top, calling the shots, doing and never being done to.

Perhaps it’s just toxic masculinity, something we’re all steeped in from birth, whispering into our ears “you like someone else in control. Pussy. You have a dick, it is powerful, use it” or other such nonsense.

What that quiet voice – and the louder voices of both men and women (mostly cis men, obvs) online and even sadly in real life – is missing is that being a sub is powerful. The sub in a Dom/sub relationship is the one who holds all the cards.

Put it this way: if power-dynamics sex is about to happen, who is in control? The run up to the fucking, not the fucking itself: who has the power? It’s the sub. The sub’s boundaries are the ones that define the scene that’s about to happen. A Dom might have various things they want to do, but the sub has to let them do it. If it’s off the table, the Dom doesn’t get what they want. The sub, by the nature of power dynamics, does.

There are (he says heroically boiling all of kink down to one paragraph) two types of Dom/sub sex. There’s the “sub lies there and Dom does things to them” – often including restraints on the sub; and there’s the “Dom tells sub what to do to the Dom” version. The two can mix, but that’s what it tends to come down to.

I’m happy with either. The lazy part of me really really likes the first version. If I can lie there while someone else takes his pleasure from me, shoving his dick and tongue and fingers into my mouth or arse, putting me where he wants for his own pleasure… yeah, that’s a good ‘un.

But another part of me likes the opposite: the Dom lies there and tells me what to do. “Suck my dick” and “lick my arsehole” and “massage my back” and “play with my nipples” and… well, if he’s asking for it, I’m there to do it for him. Yeah, that’s good too.

But the power remains with me, the sub, at all times. Not just the ability to get up and walk away, not just spending more or less time on areas the Dom wants. Because ultimately, the sub is in control and that feeling is deeply, deeply satisfying.

A few months ago, I hooked up with a guy who announced himself as an “Alpha Top Dom” (the capitals were clearly present in his speech, it was eerie, as well as ridiculous, but also kinda hot, so I dunno, whatever) who wanted the latter type of sex: he’ll tell me what to do to him. I was glad to provide such a service.

After the standard boundaries and consent talk, he lay on the bed and issued orders, barked them, demanded them. And I did what I was told, moving from place to place, sucking, fondling, playing, licking as he required. Excellent.

Eventually he let me move on to his dick – oh, yeah, sorry, if you didn’t know, not allowing access to what the sub most wants is even hotter than telling them to go to town on it. Anyway, he let me move on to his dick.

I’m about to turn 50. I have been practising blow jobs since [checks homosexual age of consent at the time] I was 21. If that hasn’t made me perfect at them, it has taught me enough tricks to know what I’m doing.

I didn’t go to town on his dick: I went slowly. I spent time with his balls. I licked and nibbled and sucked and nuzzled all around the area. As he got more worked up, I slowed down, my touch got lighter.

It was fun. Time flew. I knew this because Mr Alpha Top Dom started to whimper. I carried on.

He told me to bring him off. I carried on.

He asked me to bring him off. I carried on.

He begged me to bring him off. I carried on.

He started crying with the frustration of it.

Then I brought him off. I think it was about a pint of semen in the end, it just didn’t stop, but then neither did I.

He was sobbing by the end.

I think that was when I realised for certain the power that subs hold. I owned my Dom. I had complete control of what he wanted to control while he still controlled it. The mindfuck of this was almost better than the actual fuck.

The men – and some women, it’s true – who look down on subs have really missed the bigger picture. While us subs are servicing our Doms, whether we’re letting him or her plough into us as we lie there, or taking his or her orders and acting on them immediately, we subs are the ones in control. We’re the ones who decide how and when you Doms get your goal. It’s great.

I’m a proud sub.