Girl on the Net

I’ve never been a big fan of massage oil – it gets all sticky on my hands. While it’s delightful to stroke and prod and knead someone else’s body (particularly the arse – God how I love rubbing oiled-up hands on someone’s arse) I’ve always been a bit put off by the fact that when the massage stops and the slippery fucking begins, there’s nowhere to wipe my hands.

Until now, because I have one of these amazing tactile fluidproof sheets, and holy shit do I love it. The following post isn’t a review, it’s just an account of some wet and delicious sex I had. It’s also written pretty much in one take, because I got horny while I was writing it and it was a choice of either editing it for ages or just putting it live then having a wank and a nap. Sorry.

Wet fucking and lubed-up hands

My partner is a very tactile person. Touching, hugging, rubbing, playing with one of my nipples while we watch the Great British Bake Off: he is a fan of any and all skin-on-skin contact. Occasionally, when I’m naked, he will strip off his clothes and squash up against me, rubbing his naked skin on mine and murmuring ‘mmmmm flesh’ like an adorable sex-zombie.

He also loves massages. Receiving, mostly, although he won’t usually turn down the opportunity to smother his hands with body lotion and run them down my back, while his rock-solid dick rests firmly in the crack of my arse. He likes tactile sensations, smooth lotion, and slippery, wet fucking.

We used to put sheets down in the spare room, and I’d pour oil into my hands and run them over his back. Long, smooth motions with my palms pressed as firmly into his skin as possible, so he could feel every atom of my skin pressed up against each atom of his. He’d moan slightly in the back of his throat and shift to relieve pressure from his erection.

Massage oil spills, though, which is tricky. Even trickier is the fact that after a long, firm massage he has a thick, firm dick ready for me to sit on, and I can’t concentrate on the fuck while my hands are sticky. PVC or plastic sheeting will do the job, but for his love of tactile, nice sensations, something which feels like a building-site tarpaulin has a tendency to kill the mood.

So for ages I’ve been on the lookout for something that’ll work for wet fucking but which feels nice against your skin. And what’s the point in being a sex blogger if you can’t blag something ace when you find it? So I got this.

Skin on skin

“I like feeling you crushed up against me,” he says, as I pool a handful of lube into my hands and smear it over his shoulders and back. “Lie down,” he orders gently, and I do – pressing my chest against him and using my tits to smother the lube further over him. Slippery massage isn’t really my thing, but hearing him moan definitely is: I can experience – through his appreciative noises – the pleasure of my tits squashing flat up against him. I can, if I concentrate, feel a sort of purr going through his chest as I slide up and down. Wet and slippery and sensual.

He’d lie here forever like this if he could – with his face buried in the cool smoothness of the sheets, drinking in the warmth of me sliding up and down him. He knows that I’m enjoying it more because he is – my knickers starting to get damp with a mixture of oil and… well… me. There’s no sexy word for that, is there? Juice? Quim? Wetness? Lust? Whatever. I love that he loves it – and I can feel him growing simultaneously frustrated that he can’t turn over and push his face into my cunt, while also enjoying just lying there soaking up the oil and the feeling of skin-on-skin.

Luckily, I’m impatient. Because if I weren’t we’d have rolled around until 2 in the morning and never got the chance at a truly wet fuck. But as my arms grew tired, my hands grew stickier, and my cunt began to ache from the pain of not having him in me, I sat up and we got down to fucking.

Hold that position

I haven’t quite managed to find the right words to describe the tightest sex positions. But you know the ones – where you tense your muscles to balance or hold still, and the subsequent effort causes your cunt to clamp tighter – vice-like around someone’s dick. Whether it’s a bent-over spreader bar fuck, or doggy-style hanging off the bed (as in the end of this blog post), I adore those positions. I hold my thigh muscles tight like I’m doing yoga, and clench my teeth and grip the sheets with my hands to try and stay exactly where he needs me. And sometimes I hear him grunt with the effort of keeping his dick in when he pushes forward on the in-stroke.

You know the ones? I hope so.

Because it hadn’t occurred to me until we got going with some truly wet fucking that the best thing about lubed-up skin and knees and a lack of friction was just how hard my muscles would have to work.

Bent over, arse in the air, face smeared in lube and makeup and pushed hard down into the sheet, holding myself up so he could enter me was a serious fucking challenge. Knees splayed, hands sticky, pantingly horny for him to fuck me in the arse, I had to focus every ounce of strength on holding myself at the perfect angle for him to fuck me hard. Shoving himself deep into my cunt, as he smothered more lube into the crack of my arse.

But I’ll only get what I really want if I stay still for him. I’ll only get it if I can hold myself at the right angle so he can pound me hard without me whimpering.

As the oil pools around my knees I have to bite my tongue to keep from giggling. To stop myself giving in to the desire to fall into a lubed-up pile on the floor and have him collapse on top of me. Because I really want that fuck in the arse. And I want it more the harder he fucks my cunt, because with lubed-up, sticky hands he can’t resist shoving fingers into my arse. One, two. Out again. Thumb. Hooking it in so he can feel the tip of his thumb rubbing through the walls of my cunt and against the head of his own dick.

Because my partner is a tactile person. He likes sensing all the wetness and stickiness on every part of his body. Focusing mindfully on each atom of our skin touching – every inch of my cunt clamping tight around his dick, and his dick pushing back against his fingers when he’s jammed them deep in my ass. I’m not a tactile person: I just like getting fucked. And moreover I like to get fucked while I’m holding a tough position like a good girl. I like the challenge of holding my muscles tight. Of feeling like I have to work – or balance, or clench, or shut the fuck up – to get what I really want. I like knowing that I’ll be rewarded with some vicious anal fucking if I perform that challenge well.

We’ve done it before, sort of. It’s just that this time we did it better: with sheets that felt tactile against his skin, and which didn’t make me feel sweaty and crap. Ones we could fuck on vigorously, smother with mess, then lie on together afterwards. Him panting in post-fuck satisfaction, and me enjoying the sensation of his come dripping slowly down the crack of my arse.

As mentioned above, I blagged one of these awesome fluidproof sheets off the lovely people who make them – Sheets of San Francisco – because they’re the only things of the kind that I have found which I reckoned I would genuinely enjoy fucking on. And I was right. Well done me. I don’t get any money if you buy one, but if you want one, use that link so I get kudos and maybe next time I hang out with the guy from Sheets he’ll buy me a pint. If you want an actual review-review, I’ll tell you that it’s made from a weird material that feels really tactile and lovely – you can get a whole bunch of stuff all over it and it just feels lovely and slippery rather than sweaty and plasticky like with other sheets. It’s also easy to use, easy to wash (chuck it in the machine with your smalls) and it dries really fucking quickly when you hang it up, which is handy if you don’t want to leave it on the washing line too long and announce to your neighbours that you’re a dirty pervert.