Girl on the Net

The other day I spent a lovely couple of hours listening to men wanking. It was obscenely fun. Dudes pleasuring themselves is one of my biggest kinks, and the more gutturally raw it is, the better. It’s often tricky to explain the detail of this kink, in a world where ‘porn’ is too often synonymous with the male gaze: a perspective that focuses on the bodies/faces/noises of the women involved in a fuck, and rarely ever on the bodies/faces/noises of the men doing the fucking. Sometimes what looks like a ‘traditional’ male-gaze thing gives excellent opportunity for a voyeur like me. I’m not getting off to the same thing the guys are, I’m getting off to the fact they’re getting off. Let’s explore this…

“I’m just here to watch the men”

When I go to strip clubs I get asked whether I’m bi or gay. This isn’t a weird question, particularly: a lot of the women who go to strip clubs no doubt are bi or gay, and are there to admire the brilliant pole-dancers doing their thing. But while I really love watching people pole-dance, and I like the ego-boost of buying dances, the primary reason I’m there is to watch the men.

I like watching horny men. Guys who are aching with longing and desperate to touch their dicks.

If you look back in my past, I’m sure you can find plenty of formative experiences in which male friends adjusted their throbbing erections to try and hide them behind a denim waistband or under a rucked-up t-shirt. You’ll find urgent sofa make-outs and frotting sessions which were interrupted by friends or family, and subsequent snogs in alleyways where these guys moaned slightly at the back of their throats with the sheer weight of frustration and need.

And ever since then I’ve been obsessed with chasing those moments: not just when I’m sitting with a guy and he makes those noises or faces, but from porn where I can see his expression of pained lust, or hear the desperate longing in his voice. Some things do it for me pretty neatly – watching self-recorded videos of guys playing Cock Hero against themselves, biting their lips to hold back from coming yet still beating away at straining erections. Porn – often directed by women – which includes lingering shots of the guy’s face when his dick slides in, or on his hands gripping tightly at his own hard-on. Or the occasional moment when I catch a glimpse – just a glimpse – of my other half wanking just before he realises I’m there.

All these things hit my ‘voyeur’ kink, but there are always more opportunities on the horizon.

Listening to guys wank

Recently a company called Peachbooth asked if they could take out ads on my site, and told me they ran an online phone sex service where you could listen in on archives of the old calls.

A little lightbulb went off in my head.

“THIS,” and excited voice whispered in my subconscious… “THIS is the porn you’ve been waiting for.”

I’m sticking this disclaimer in the middle of the post so you don’t go ‘oh sponsored content I will switch off.’ Peachbooth pay me for ads, but only the ads – not for writing this post. I’m writing this because listening to the archive of calls on their site stirred all of these thoughts in my head and a few more things in my knickers.  

Their sales pitch reminded me of all the times when, as a young and horny woman, I used to watch the TV channels where women in bikinis would take calls from members of the public. I’d occasionally catch snatches of the conversations they were having, but usually only from their side. I’d watch the shows idly, with one hand down my knickers, imagining what the horny men at the other end of the phone were saying.

The way Peachbooth works is that members can make – and listen in to – calls with phone sex operators. It’s all consensual – the site is very up-front about how it works, so you don’t need to worry that those you’re listening in on are going to have a nasty shock when they find out it wasn’t private: they know.

For some people the appeal of eavesdropping will be hearing the women dirty-talking, or getting the chance to chat them up yourself. If that’s your kink, go for it, but I’m more interested in the other side: the men. The shy ones who take ages to build up to their sexy chat. The confident ones who launch straight in with detailed descriptions of kinks or fantasies. And – of course – the moaning, shuffling fapping sound as they settle in for a nice hard wank.

Here are a few call highlights, which I’m drawing your attention to for no other reason than that I think they are hot and I am certain there are others like me out there who will get off on being exactly this kind of voyeur. Ready?

What are you wearing?

Naturally I was delighted that the very first call I listened to was one in which someone hit not one but TWO phone-sex clichés almost immediately: asking Julie at the other end of the line if she was a naughty girl who needed to be punished, as well as asking what she was wearing. The jackpot of my late-night-phone-channel fantasies!

I listened to the chat for a while, then obviously fast-forwarded to the bit where he was blatantly wanking. 15:50 if you’re interested. There’s also lovely ‘aaaah’ about 16:20, and he comes just after 17:00. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Shy guys wanking

Adorably shy to start with, this guy talking to Kris takes a fair amount of warm-up chat before he’s brave enough to start wanking. Skip to 38 minutes. Seriously good noises and a few ‘unnghs’ and ‘yeahs’ at around 43 minutes, then he comes at around 50. Having been fairly nervous/a man of few words throughout, he is DELIGHTFULLY VOCAL when he comes.

Excessively confident guy

This guy – who to my mind is the equivalent of the dude in the strip club who confidently offers to buy me a lapdance just for the novelty – gets straight on with the sexy chat. No messing around. He starts by telling Daeva that he has done ‘everything you could possibly think of.’ Far be it from me to disagree, my friend, but honestly I think you underestimate how much shit humans – and specifically phone sex workers – can think of. BUT STILL. He is very good at being direct and open with the things he likes. And he also tells a good story.

At 7 minutes he explains that: “I like it nice and personal – where you’re looking into my eyes while you’re sucking my cock.” Hearing a man say this – WHILE HE IS WANKING – is honestly so pervy-hot it makes me want to cry. At 24:40 he expresses a desire to have her ‘bounce on my cock’, and clearly steps up the wanking a bit from there.

I like this guy. Not on a personal level: I doubt we would be friends if we met. On a sexy level, though, unlike some of the other dudes who want to hear the person on the other end of the phone, this dude clearly gets off on the sound of his own voice telling dirty stories. While he wanks.

And I have a lot of time for that. A LOT.

(Unsexy side note: I love how some of the guys on the phones give the women directions on how to masturbate like ‘you can go faster now’, ‘yeah rub that clit harder’, ‘make the vibrator stronger’ as if none of us have any idea how to come without instruction)

SURPRISE unusual fetish

This gentleman, chatting to Lacy, begins with some chit-chat that swiftly segues into sexiness: “I’m stroking my dick right now.” “I want you to sit up on top of this dick.”  “Oh I’d love to fuck that little cunt.”

(Sidenote: why is it that ‘this’ and ‘that’ is so sexy? It’s not something I tend to use in my own dirty talk, preferring ‘your’ or ‘my’. But I need to switch it up a bit, I think: “I’m going to suck this dick” or even a mixture of both “get that dick in my cunt right now.”)

But after the initial chat, he starts talking about how he’d love to knock her up, and it swiftly becomes clear that he gets off on the idea of impregnation specifically, not just jizzing. Voilà! I have learned a new fetish! I am intrigued and will have to do some further research on it, not least because the fantasy gets him wanking so hard he ACCIDENTALLY HANGS UP THE PHONE. Amazing.

These are just a few highlights from the ones I listened to the other day – you can find a TONNE more archive calls over at Peachbooth if you share my wanking-voyeur kink. I don’t get money if you sign up, but they do buy ads on my site so I guess if enough of you want to experience this hyper-pervy audio-based fun then they might buy more ads at the end of their run, which is good for me.

The horny-female-voyeur gaze

At the start of this I talked about male gaze porn, and as a general rule phone sex lines would fall under this category – they’re usually marketed to guys, on the understanding that men will pay money to chat about sex to women while they’re wanking. But what elevates this from ‘sexy thing’ to ‘sexy thing that prompts me to write a blog post’ is that it made me realise just how much of what I get off on falls under this category.

It’s hot not because it is designed to push my buttons, but because – in being created specifically for horny men – it happens to push my buttons as a by-product.

I have, for a lot of my life, had to try and hunt down my sexuality: finding little snippets of hotness here and there which press my ‘guys getting pleasure’ buttons. In the past I’ve found my sexuality in things like the adverts on porn sites: not the ads themselves, but imagining the kind of guy who’d see one and – dick in hand – click eagerly through to see tits in exchange for a virus. As mentioned above, I’ve found hints in strip clubs and on phone-in TV channels: things which are mostly marketed at men, but which I can observe from the sidelines, filling in the blanks and wanking to the bits which aren’t the main event.

I’ve often got strange looks or questions about my kinks and sexuality based on the fact that I ‘like’ a lot of things that aren’t meant for me. When I was young I used to read FHM, and get off a bit on the blokey way it talked about sex. I got teased or questioned by men I knew about why I was effectively trying (or ‘pretending to’) ape a male-gaze sexuality. They didn’t have exactly the words to describe it, but I think that’s what they were getting at. So I’d just laugh and say ‘haha yeah I’m weird’ because I didn’t have the words to describe what I was really wanking to either.

It was only later that I realised I wasn’t getting off specifically to women in their underwear, but on the idea that men were wanking to women in their underwear. Later, when I started watching porn, I realised that the porn itself wasn’t always as big a turn-on as the idea that men were getting off to it. Strip clubs, ditto. Eavesdropping on phone sex: ditto. In a world where most sex content is created for men, horny women sometimes find our kicks on the edges and outskirts.

We’re living in a better world now: one where more people are creating porn that caters to a much broader range of sexual tastes. But – as I’ve argued before during the demise of men’s magazines – that doesn’t mean this kind of porn must eventually be erased from the planet. There will always be guys who get off to this stuff, and women like me on the periphery frantically frigging ourselves off while we imagine how hard this stuff gets them.

I’m a wanking voyeur, and I always will be. Maybe it’s the way my early experience has shaped me, or the paths I’ve chosen to explore when I could take control of my own sexual choices. Or it might just be the pure and simple joy of hearing a guy wank so hard that he accidentally hangs up the phone.