I’m such a sucker for anticipation and build-up, so when the fabulous SymTrkl (who has written here beautifully before about gender-affirming ways to fuck) pitched me a post combining aching anticipation with a hands-free orgasm I was absolutely over the moon. She writes with such warmth and affection, while also making this whole story exquisitely horny. Huge thanks to her for this gorgeous piece.

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I’m not entirely sure how I’d sum up my brand of writing, but whatever my ‘style’ is, it’s pretty far from ‘a whimsical 2000 word tentacle porn story’. Nevertheless, that’s what you’re getting today. The following is something I wrote in 2020 after a Zoom call with Patreons where they gave me prompts for erotic stories by suggesting a name/kink/location/object that I had to work into a piece of erotic fiction. I find these stories challenging (in a fun way), because it’s good to push myself sometimes to think about stuff I wouldn’t normally get horny for. You can find some of the improv erotica stories here on the site for free, and even more improv erotica on Patreon if you’d like to join. But if you just want to read a whimsical 2000-word tentacle porn story that I think might own the title of ‘most challenging thing I’ve ever written’, then hoo boy are you in luck.

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Ride of the Valkyries makes it in, obviously, as does Night On Bare Mountain, but Oh Fortuna is far too funny and Pachelbel’s Canon too soft. We’re sitting on the sofa skimming through a Spotify list of ‘Top 100 Classical Music Bangers’ and, of course, selecting which ones we will fuck to.

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I would love for everyone to have the opportunity – at some point in their life, or ideally at multiple points in their life – to really nerd out about sex. Explore all their questions about sensation with someone who has questions of their own. When Jenny S pitched me her story about asexual exploration as a guest blog, I was so excited to read about her doing exactly this – nerding out and zooming in on lots of different sexual curiosities. I hope you enjoy this gorgeous guest blog as much as I did, and maybe see it as a jumping off point for some curious exploration of your own…

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Sometimes I write posts to turn you on, and sometimes I write them so I can hop up on my soapbox and have a rant. In fact, I’m due to write a nice in-depth rant about fantasies off the back of the last two horny posts – a woman having a wank part 1 and part 2. But today I’m feeling soft and chill, and I don’t feel like getting into complex stuff. Today I am just writing because there’s a fun story I’ve been meaning to share for a while, and I love wallowing in nostalgia – especially nostalgia about times when I was blissfully happy and loved-up. I think the following is such a great date idea that other people might want to steal it and try it for themselves. This is the coolest date I went on with my Hot Punk Guy, and with some slight adaptations to personalise the schedule, it could be the best date you go on as well.

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