All Posts – Page 172
Things I have done to impress men
I wish I liked wearing make up ‘for me’, but I don’t. I hate wearing make up. I’m shit at putting it on, bad at choosing the colours that suit me, and guaranteed to smear half of it across my face when I rub my eyes after the second pint of the evening. So why do I bother wearing make up? I’m forced to conclude that it’s at least partly because I want to impress men.
Should I stop talking about ‘filthy’ sex?
Sexy stories! They’re more than just erotic: mine can be filthy, dirty, naughty, dark, taboo, intense, joyful, weird, confusing, delicious and wrong. And each and every one of these words is hot to me, in the right context. But someone asked recently if ‘filthy’ sex might be the wrong way to describe it, and asked: given the negative connotations of the word ‘filthy’, should we abandon that word in favour of ones which come with a little less baggage?
Cuddling in a heatwave: alternative activities
This heatwave has now got so bad that even I am starting to miss cuddles. I’m normally far too into the banging to care about the post-fuck snuggles but… it’s getting to me, you know? The lack of human contact caused by the fact that I can’t successfully touch another human without either sticking to them or bursting into flames. So here are a few alternatives to cuddling in a heatwave.
All the times I definitely did not fuck in that hot tub
“Greetings friends! Welcome to this lovely rented lodge! Isn’t it gorgeous? And we got it for such a bargain! Just call me the Queen Of Booking Getaways That Just Happen To Have Hot Tubs. It’s so lovely to hang out with like-minded people, who all know there’s far more fun to be had in a house with people you love than a hotel where you could bump into a stranger at any minute. Before we kick off this mini-break by opening the prosecco, there’s just one thing I’d like to make clear: we might have arrived two hours before you did, but we definitely didn’t fuck in that hot tub.”
Can you wank for an hour without stopping?
I recently read a piece by Suzannah Weiss in Bustle in which she attempts to wank for over an hour. As a speedy and functional wanker, I thought this would be an interesting challenge to attempt. And seeing as I’d just been given a Mysteryvibe Crescendo – an almost infinitely customisable vibrator that comes with lots of different vibration patterns out of the box – I figured I had an excellent tool with which to have a go. So here goes: wanking for an hour, non-stop. Feel free to fire up your favourite porn and wank along with me.