All Posts – Page 218
Sex etiquette: walking in on people having sex
What are you supposed to do if you walk in on someone having sex? Clearly the answer lies somewhere between ‘run away immediately’ and ‘apologise, then shut the door.’ Sadly, no one gets this lesson during sex ed classes, so I’d like to give you a couple of examples of what not to do, as well as my favourite walking-in-on-naked people story…
Tight clothes are hot like bondage is hot
I stood on the escalator the other day behind a woman in slightly-too-tight clothes. Her bra straps dug into her shoulders and back, pressing against her flesh. Pinching at her skin. Highlighting the unquestionable solidity – the thereness of her. She was beautiful.
Problematic fantasies: do your politics influence how you get off?
Sometimes it’s obvious that a particular scenario will be hot to me. If it fits the template of most of my other fantasies – me in submission, being beaten or used in order to get someone off: tick. If it involves a vast quantity of spunk, or a belt, or a group of eager men: tick. I frequently embrace problematic fantasies – where ‘problematic’ roughly equates to ‘something I’d never want to happen in real life.’ Other times I’ll use fantasy to try out new kinks – in order to work out if something is going to press my buttons, I need to think about it for a while. Close my eyes, picture the scenario in my head, and thoughtfully frig myself off while I try a new fantasy on for size.
This post includes frank discussion of sexual fantasies that include extreme BDSM, and rape fantasies.
Sex news: porn is having a ‘terrifying’ impact on men
Today I spotted an article in the Independent that told me porn was having a ‘terrifying’ impact on men. Naturally, I clicked on the link to see just what horrors were pouring forth from the screen and into the laps of vulnerable guys. But hidden within it was something I found quite interesting…
Rejection can be good, and sometimes ‘no’ is a gift
Brace yourselves, because I want to make an argument that isn’t made that often. I want to explain why rejection can be a valuable gift. Often, rejection is good for you. I’m not just talking here about sex mistakes you could avoid – get rejected by a hot person who later turns out to be awful, for instance. I’m talking about what ‘no’ actually means, and why often someone’s ‘no’ is far more precious than a ‘yes.’