“It’s hot when two girls get off, but it doesn’t work the other way round.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know. Like women watching a guy play with another guy’s dick. It doesn’t have the same effect.” 

I’ve had this conversation too many times. Far too many times. There’s a longer blog to post another day about the fact that straight-guy sexuality is so tightly woven into our culture that often dudes struggle to get their heads round the fact that, you know, they can be objects of lust just as easily as they’re subjects. But I’ll bore you about that another day.

For now, in response to the person who said this to me, allow me to describe an interaction so hot it makes my toes clench, even just remembering it.

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When it comes to making broad, ridiculous generalisations about relationships, you can’t beat a good bit of clickbait. Recently I gave some brilliant advice on things men do in bed that women hate, and I imagine since then that all men have stopped doing these things and everyone in a straight relationship has breathed a sigh of relief. So because I’m a fan of equality here’s the opposite: 10 things women do in bed that men hate.

Naturally all men have identical sexual tastes, which I have discerned via magic, so the best way for you to cater to your partner’s sexual tastes is to take advice from me, even though you have never met me and cannot be entirely sure I’m not making the whole thing up. Still, you can tell that my advice is sound because I have numbered my tips from 1-10, and that is how facts work. (more…)

I watched the special edition of Eurotrash this weekend and I could not stop grinning. Until, of course, someone tried to engage me in a debate about the EU referendum, causing my smile to shatter into a thousand pieces. So. Two things this week: Europe edition.

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Sometimes I hear stories about kinky events or places, and I often wonder if they’re urban legends. I want to dig deeper and find someone who’s been – to a BDSM training manor, or to the sex taxi which apparently used to do trips around London. Well, this week’s guest blog is from someone who has been – Kate Julia White is an author and submissive, and she’s recently released a memoir of her BDSM training.

Her guest blog focuses on ‘The Manor’ – one of those places I’ve heard about but never been able to go to. So, naturally, as a voyeur and lover of secret things, I was delighted when she offered it as a guest blog, especially because it focuses on something that other guest blogs have highlighted before – the build-up and anticipation prior to launching into something. If you like it, check out her book – Tough Love: The True Story of My Submissive Adventures – check out her blog, and follow her on Facebook.

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This is a fantasy about a porn cinema that I wrote ages ago, for reasons I can’t remember. I like things that are simultaneously sexy and grotesque – like the blow job/dripping sandwich fantasy. That’s my way of saying the following story might be weird. And maybe disturbing. And creepily voyeuristic. Alternatively it might not be, and the fact I’ve waited six months to publish it has been a complete waste of my mental energy.

If you asked me to write my own future, I would write the following story. Then you’d wish you’d never asked, and I’d have to burn it, and we probably wouldn’t be friends any more because the whole thing would get awkward.

Anyway. Some erotic fiction. Or a disturbing vision of my distant future. Don’t judge me. Let’s go. 

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