Today I learned that some women have wanked with Barbie legs. Others with mimi M+Ms tubes. Razor handles – the squishy, textured ones you get on Gillette Venus – are pretty popular too. Others have used bedposts, bottles, pillows, blankets. If you can find it in your average house, chances are someone’s rubbed it vigorously against their sexy bits.

I knew some of this already, of course: that people are ingenious when they’re horny. But when reddit asked women for the weirdest thing they’d masturbated with, the sheer variety of implements was fascinating.

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Today I’m obsessed with risky sex. The kind that gets your heart hammering in time to the thud of your crotch, as you fuck with a nebulous yet oh-so-urgent deadline. Get it over with before the others find you.

Risky sex. Like the snatched gropes you have in crowded places, or the slightly-more-than-that which teenagers do on the bus.

Sex you have not because you’re too horny to get a room, but because the thrill of being discovered makes it all feel more illicit.

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I will never not be fascinated by jizz. It’s probably the topic I’ve covered most often here – from the best places to jizz to the weird questions I’ve asked about it.

Perhaps it’s because I can’t produce it myself, or because I sense a similar fascination in guys – that agony of choice when you decide where to do it, and how, and when.

But let’s talk about the only frustration I have with spunk: that there is never – can never be – enough.

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My latest book is out today! Here are the links to buy it, and if you want to read a sample, then below is the whole of chapter 6, in text and at the bottom in audio (which I think technically counts as audio porn).

• Girl on the Net: How A Bad Girl Fell In Love (Amazon)

Extract below. I’m chuffed that this was the chapter picked for extract because I think it gives a pretty decent overview of the book – a bit of behind-the-scenes on blogging, a couple of fucking lovely blokes, a rant about openness and a dirty lubed-up hand job. Hope you like it.

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I don’t always know what I’ll find sexy – it’s all about having the right mix of kinks and quirks and attitude. While there are some people who I can immediately identify as ‘my type‘, it’s often hard to pin down in advance what I’ll find sexy.

So when people imply there is a universal yardstick against which we measure ‘hotness’, I’m forced to question whether they even understand what makes something sexy.

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