All Posts – Page 257
Most popular guest blogs of 2015
Naturally when I do ‘top X posts’ roundups, those that get to the top of the list in terms of visits will be the dirtier ones, because dirty stories usually get the most search traffic.
Any post I write which contains the phrase ‘butt plugs’, for instance, is going to do pretty well. So what I’ve done is a top 5 (below) of the most popular guest blogs in terms of visits, and a few extras picked by me purely because I love them. That’s not to say I don’t like the dirty ones, of course. It’s just that, as partners have told me before, life cannot all be about butt plugs. (more…)
Obligatory 2015 round up post
I think I’m meant to do a yearly wrap-up post. Unfortunately right now I’m a bit grumpy and can’t remember much, so this is constructed purely from me going through my Twitter archive and picking some things that stood out. They’re not the ‘best’ things of 2015, just some things I noticed, tweeted about, and which subsequently showed up on my ‘top tweets’ list.
Some are sexy, some are newsy, and some are downright bizarre.
Happy end-of-2015.
My clit is broken and I’m not happy about it
I have broken my clit on numerous occasions in the past. Usually due to excessive masturbation or obsession over a new sex toy that has led it to go sore and numb and good for nothing. Now, however, my clit is broken for a disturbing Other Reason, and that is that I have not wanked for over a week.
I KNOW.
Over Christmas, circumstances conspired to mean it was pretty much impossible for me to masturbate. Visiting family, stress, the stress of visiting family: these things don’t just add up, they multiply, and leave me totally unable to wank.
Hence: my clit is broken.
Not perfect, but done
When I was young, I used to think about all the things I wanted to be when I grew up. Looking to the future, I’d see myself in lots of different roles. Lawyer (the first, and most intense of my Future Dreams), comedian (very brief desires, always stamped out by the fact that I’m not as funny as I think I am), and often writer (that one’s stuck).
It was – and still is – fun to imagine all the cool things I could do and be if I had the skill, and put in the effort.
But something’s changed since I was younger, and that’s that I think far less about what I could be, or what I want to do, and more on what I want to have done. Looking at writing, I am less likely to imagine myself beavering away at a desk with a typewriter (most dreams of writerhood involve those clackety old typewriters, despite the fact that they’re deeply impractical things), and more likely to imagine myself lying face down in a pile of scribbled-on manuscript, exhaling a sigh of relief and exhaustion.
Less likely to consider what I want to do in future, and more keen to think about what I want written on my gravestone.
“She tried her best” might be a good one. Or right now simply: “Knackered.”
Facials: why a face-full of semen is like a Christmas pudding
Fun fact: I once spent an entire week wanking to nothing other than a gif someone had made of a particular moment in a homemade porn film, where the woman squeezed her eyes tight shut and grinned as the guy emptied an astonishingly generous load all over her face. Let’s talk about facials, shall we?