All Posts – Page 268
Now wash the filthy sex juice off your hands
Filthy sex is my favourite sex. Sex where we get messy and sticky and sweaty. When the smell of his come mixes with the smell of his sweat and my cunt and the lube and oh God everything.
Grinding against each other on the living room carpet, pouring handfuls of lube out to smear on me, before fucking me hard so I have to gasp to catch my breath.
Spitting into my hand to lube up his dick. Spitting on his dick to lube up his dick.
Him. Spitting. In. My. Mouth.
How to get over heartbreak
Start with a super-sad song. One you’ve played over and over before, but never fully wept to. Put it on loudly and sit somewhere you usually don’t. The carpet. The bath. The filthy kitchen floor.
Then, grab something comforting. Chocolate, biscuits, wine, all of the above. Consume them while staring blankly into space, imagining that somewhere someone else is doing the same. Feel the weight and pain of all the shattering hearts that exist on the same planet.
Cry.
Two things: awesome sex ed and shitting on shitbags
Today I am frantic with work, and about to collapse in a pile on the floor. Please forgive me if I’m slow to get back to you or if your kind offer of a pint or a chat is met with just an incoherent scream of terror.
BUT I refuse to collapse properly before I’ve done a Monday blog. So here goes – a brilliant thing, and something that’s annoyed me…
Double penetration with a strap-on and a cock
Spent ages trying to come up with a fun title for this, and I just kept coming back to the most descriptive one: double penetration with a strap-on and a cock.
Because
a) that’s exactly what happened and
b) it was one of the best things I have ever done. Ever.
I’d like to say that double penetration with a strap-on and a cock is a normal Saturday night in my house, but that would be downplaying the gravity and excitement of the situation. Last week, I finally managed to do something I’ve been wanting to do for years.
Why won’t tall women date short men? A theory…
I’m 5′ 11”. In my life, I have slept with a fair few men, most of whom were the same height as, or taller than me. Am I horribly shallow? No, not really. But I can tell you that as a tall girl it’s genuinely quite difficult to find shorter guys who are actually willing to fuck me.
Of those who might be up for a shag, many have spent a long time making excruciatingly tedious comments about how massive I am, or listing ways in which I need to slightly adjust (take off heels, slouch a bit, sit down) in order to meet with their approval. That tends to put me off a bit, to be honest.