All Posts – Page 269
In which I try, and fail, to take a picture for Sinful Sunday
Sinful Sunday is a fun sex blogger meme whereby people take one photo and post it on Sunday – the photo has to be erotic in some way (although you don’t necessarily have to be naked). It can be of something you love, or of you, or whatever. But basically what happens is loads of people post really interesting, hot, personalised snaps that sum up what ‘erotic’ means to them, and I love it. I really wanted to join in, so I had a bash. Here’s how yesterday evening should have gone:
“Hey, I want to take a cool picture for this sex blogger meme because I’m trying to join in with memes and stuff at the moment.”
“Ooh, that sounds fun.”
“It is. I have to be sexy.”
“OK, take your pants off.”
“But I also have to be comfortable.”
“OK, I’ll get you a coat.”
Cue hours of fun while we got a bit fucked up, got semi naked, and took loads of snaps that fit the criteria of being ‘erotic’, without necessarily having to be explicit or naked, then another happy hour while we scrolled through the pictures and picked the best one to publish here.
That’s not what happened, though.
Guest blog: “Fisting the wife until she comes”
OK, so obviously I am excited to publish a guest blog on fisting. Perhaps even more than that, though, I am excited to publish a blog that so perfectly captures one of my favourite things about porn: that when you watch something that presses a really specific kinky button in your brain, it can give you a rush of excitement and joy that you just can’t wait to try out.
The guest blogger (who has asked to stay anonymous) writes beautifully about both the inspiration and the fulfilment of her desire, and I hope you enjoy her story every bit as much as I did.
Getting head from a dominant guy
I sometimes struggle with getting head – finding it hard to get out of my comfort zone when I don’t feel any element of my own submission. But when he tells me ‘I want to taste you,’ it is not submissive. He’s not begging me for a lick that I may or may not deign to give him: he’s issuing a command. In the same way as he’s issuing a command if he tells me ‘bend over’ or ‘take off your knickers’ or – holy fuck this happened recently and it still makes me so horny I squirm – ‘squeeze that cock.’ Uttered in a breathless rush just before the grunt as he comes.
Competition: what does an orgasm sound like?
I like running unusual competitions, especially if they produce cool results – like the competition from last year where people drew visual representations of their own orgasm and came up with some awesome imagery. Or the competition the year before where people described their orgasm, and there were some beautiful stories.
We’ve done pictures, we’ve done words, this competition is about sounds.
(more…)
How do I get my partner to like Marmite?
If you’re not British, you might not be familiar with Marmite. It is either:
- a delicious brown substance created during the brewing process, which you spread on toast with butter before having a mouthgasm OR
- diarrhoea brewed in the anus of Beelzebub.
For me it’s the former, for others it’s the latter. I pick Marmite because not only is it a great example of something that has divided a nation (their literal slogan is ‘you either love it or you hate it’) but also because there is no moral value in either liking or disliking Marmite: you’re not a better person if you choose to try it. However, you are a bit of a dick if you try to sneak it into someone’s breakfast without them noticing.
Pretty much all sex acts are like Marmite. Oral sex? Some love it, some don’t. Probably a larger group of the former than the latter, but whatever. Likewise hand jobs, using sex toys, doing anal, bondage: any act that two or more people can take part in.
Here’s where sex acts diverge from Marmite: sometimes you really want your partner to try something. No one really cares if I like Marmite or not. It won’t break my heart if Jon Hamm announces, on our wedding day, that he won’t be eating any of the brown stuff. Sex, on the other hand, is something you can enjoy with your partner, and so if you have a particular kink and your partner’s not keen, that can be pretty gutting. If Jon Hamm tell me that he really hates spanking, I’ll be very upset (as well as surprised, tbh, given how much he loves spanking in all those dreams of mine he’s shown up in).
Anyway, given the Marmite nature of various sex acts, I can see why people often ask me the following question: