All Posts – Page 298
Guest blog: naked maid in San Francisco
Years ago when I used to browse Gumtree ‘sex buddy wanted’ ads for fun, I’d spot a lot of messages from submissive guys offering to clean my house in exchange for a beating. While I was pretty tempted by the idea of having the mould scrubbed clean from my bathroom, I figured, well, you get what you pay for, right? Someone who’s horny for a spanking is unlikely to make good work of scrubbing the bath. Still, I am delighted to discover that this arrangement does sometimes work, and while the housework/spanking exchange might not be the best idea, if you have cashmoney it’s more than possible to hire a naked maid.
This week’s guest blog comes from TeachersHaveSex. As you can tell from the blog title, right now she’s a teacher. But in the past she had a job that did exactly what it said on the tin: she was a naked maid. I hope you enjoy her story as much as I did.
Some sex stories will play in my head forever
A conversation, late one night:
“What do you want to do that we haven’t done yet? What fantasies do you have that I could fulfil?” A slightly more sensible question than the ones I usually ask, and it gave him pause for thought.
Before you read on, I should tell you that this post contains dirty sex stories and fantasies that aren’t in any way safe for work.
Giving up bad sex habits
“What’s that?”
“A spreadsheet of my best wanking times.”
He didn’t even ask why. He just laughed, rolled his eyes, and then wandered into the kitchen to make coffee. But, for the record, I am compiling a spreadsheet of my wanking times, so that I can eventually graph the results and post a blog about it. Why?
Win a ticket to Eroticon 2015 and help me write my talk
Forgive the meta-blog, this is one for other sex writers and bloggers, so if you’re just here for the filth or the ranting, check out a random archive post or two and normal service will resume on Sunday.
When I first started sex blogging, I didn’t really think it’d be a big thing. I thought I’d write some half-baked opinions and spit out some of the sexy stories that I was itching to tell people, and then one day I’d shrug my shoulders and just… well… stop. Then some people started reading it. They were joined by more people, and in the brief periods of time between writing a blog and worrying that it wasn’t any good, I managed to start doing things like writing articles for other websites, and a book, and other stuff.
Then I went to a conference in which loads of people gave me advice on how to be better, and it was amazing. It basically answered a whole bunch of questions I had about sex blogging, like ‘how do you get people to pay you to write about hot things on the internet?’ and ‘how do I pitch articles to people who have never heard of me before?’ To be honest, the only question that remained unanswered was ‘how much time do you spend masturbating?’
What’s your seduction style? Mine’s ‘incompetent and terrifying’
When Valentine’s Day comes around I’m struck by the uniform nature of seduction – if we’ve decided to spend the 14th having a sexy evening in, we’re expected to conjure romance and sexiness using lingerie, rose petals, and a strategically timed raise of the eyebrow. Words like ‘intimate’ and ‘sensual’ are hurled around with casual abandon, as if these are things anyone can just conjure out of thin air. As if all sex starts with a soundtrack and a flurry of silk sheets and voile.
I can’t help but think I’m expected to charm guys into bed with grace and dignity, ideally leaving a waft of some expensive perfume leaving a trail from the doorway to the bed.
That is not my seduction style.