I spotted that this week’s Kink of the Week topic was ‘hunting/chasing prey’ and realised with utter delight that I had a half-finished draft which I could polish off for it. So here goes: a fuck in which I get to revel in the idea of being ravished by a predator. Note that this story contains a tiny bit of implied non-consent (but it is consensual) and also some barely-lubed anal (which I’d recommend against in real life, even though it’s hot in fantasies because in fantasies you can pretend that spit would totally work). 

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OK listen. As a blogger who relies on social media to do important work (keeping up with Sex News, responding to journo requests, promoting blogs and audio porn, and shamelessly bragging whenever I get railed by a hot guy), I cannot fully disappear from Twitter until someone turns out the lights. While people who matter remain on the platform, I’ll still have to maintain a presence there – scheduling posts to go out so that people in different time zones get the chance to beat one out to them too. But let’s face it, it’s run by a fascist toddler and is now so choked up with spam that it’s borderline unusable. Plus, as a sex blogger, I have now been so shadowbanned that even the grown-ups who follow me are unlikely to see my extremely high-quality tweets. I need a new social media home, otherwise where else will I post my scorching hot takes? So I’m calling this for now: fuck BlueSky, fuck Threads, you can find me on Mastodon. Here’s why.

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This man has spent the last twelve months greeting me with eager smiles each time I see him. When I walk into the shop, he looks up and sees me then beams a fully radiant grin. I return it with gusto, and he smiles even more brightly. Something about this guy’s warmth makes me want to get to know him better. But something in every fibre of my being recoils at the idea of being bold enough to actually ask him out.

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Here are a couple of dates when I’m free – sorry for being such a forward-planning diary twat it’s just that I’m very busy and I’d really like to see you so it’s better if we book it a long way in advance. Let me know if either of these works for you. No worries if not!

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This week’s guest blogger pitched me their piece as ‘first time sploshing’ and it is definitely that: delicious birthday cake served in a truly sexy way. There’s another word for what happens in this piece too, though, which I wanted to introduce you to in case you, like me, enjoy learning incredibly specific terms for super-hot kinky acts: nyotaimori. It’s a Japanese word meaning ‘to serve food off a person’ and it was featured on Kink of the Week last year. I love the concept of it, and adore it even more if the food being served is cake. This week’s guest blogger combines first time sploshing, nyotaimori and group sex in this creatively sexy post about getting your birthday fantasy fulfilled…

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