All Posts – Page 71
Roses are over: this Valentine’s, we’re upgrading to chocolate dick
Sometimes the stars align into a constellation that literally spells out “I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, GODDAMMIT”, and so it was on the 20th January this year, when I got a little message from a shipping company telling me my package from Intimate Chocolate had arrived. My package of a gigantic, delicious, beautiful hazlenut-and-chocolate dick. I am supposed to ‘review’ this for the website, but you lot know me by now and so what I’m actually going to do is wax lyrical about how fucking awesome this whole situation is, then tell you how I got overexcited and suggested to a mate who was visiting that we should competitively deep-throat it.
Objectifying men is a feminist act (I’ll tell you what’s hot about fat guys)
A long time ago on Twitter @sexlovevideo and @onqueerstreet were discussing objectification (re: the bond-coming-out-of-the-sea scene) and asking whether just flipping objectification around could be a feminist act, or whether we should avoid doing to men what the patriarchy has done to women since time immemorial (I am simplifying heavily here – read the thread and post for more). I am firmly in the former camp, let me explain why objectifying men is a feminist act and also what’s hot about fat guys. Pull up a chair and your sex toy of choice.
Guest blog: The first time I was tied and fucked
Sometimes I get into this zone when I’m fucking where it feels almost meditative. The focus on pure pleasure, combined with the rhythm of what’s happening puts me into a kind of horny trance. It’s rare that I feel those same feelings when reading a piece of writing, but this week’s guest blog conjured them exactly. I’m so delighted to welcome this week’s anonymous guest blogger, who is here to share a story about first time bondage so utterly beautiful that it left me breathless and spacey.
In which I explain Final Fantasy and also something about men
The thing you need to know about men – perhaps not ALL men, but nearly all the men that I’ve ever had the pleasure of fucking into a sticky paste – is that they love explaining things. If you happen to be a horny, slutty woman who wants to get it on with a man, in my opinion the best way to achieve that is to find a topic that he has expertise on, or a nerdy fascination with, and ask him to explain it to you. Today’s blog begins on my living-room floor: this dude and I are sitting cross-legged eating Doritos and vaping giggly weed while he explains to me the plot of Final Fantasy.
What do you do when you’ve forgotten how to write?
I didn’t publish a blog post yesterday, and that’s not because I have no blog posts or stories to tell. It’s because every draft I have looks like it could be terrible, and my brain refuses to kick out anything that seems even vaguely ‘OK.’ In a normal week, I write two new posts, record one new piece of audio and edit a piece of guest audio, write commissioned content for other sites (I’ve recently written up this incredible NSFW shower scene for FrolicMe, which was a genuine highlight of my January), and generally churn out word after word after word to keep everything ticking over. But at the moment I feel like I’ve forgotten how to write. And that’s a little bit scary.