A reader got in touch recently to ask if I’d written about subdrop before, and frankly I could always do with more of this because I love the excuse to pick up new topics. On this topic, though, I don’t have much experience: I’m out of practice with kink play, and I think even when I used to do it regularly I wasn’t hugely affected by subdrop. Luckily for me, @ht_honey – whose fabulous blog can be fond here at Happy Come Lucky – was kind enough to share her experience of what subdrop is, as well as some fun and playful strategies on how to tackle it when it rears its head after a play scene.

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I have a lot of friends who embrace nonmonogamy – i.e. relationships where you are both open to the idea of forming romantic/sexual bonds with more than one person – as opposed to monogamy, where you pair off with one person, avoid shagging anyone else, then eventually cement your bond with matching clogs and a National Trust membership. Naturally, as someone who moves in sex-positive circles, I run into loads of people who have taken the traditional ‘scripts’ we’re taught we should follow when it comes to relationships, and torn them up in favour of writing their own. I love this, and I think the more people who do it the better. However, when I talk to other people about different relationship styles there’s one argument for nonmonogamy that rubs me up the wrong way.

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Note, before we begin, that this post is going to describe a rape fantasy. I use the phrase ‘rape fantasy’ instead of something softer like ‘consensual non-consent scene’ because I think it’s more accurate. As with any fantasy, the fact that someone enjoys it in their head does not mean they’ll necessarily enjoy it in real life, and so my writing should on no account ever be taken as a justification to do anything like this with your partners. Nor even, if I’m the one you’re fucking, should you take it as permission to do it to me. If you fully understand this, and you’re not going to be freaked out by the idea of that, let’s talk about why ‘sorry’ is the hottest word you can say at the moment of climax.

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If you are seeing someone on a casual basis, or you’ve agreed that you’re going to date/shag them but haven’t quite done the logistics for meeting up, how often do you message them? Are you checking in regularly to see how they’re doing, or do you consider them ‘in the bank’ and therefore probably not in need of regular contact until it comes time to meet up? What is the difference between being casual about checking in and accidentally ghosting someone?

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One of the things I’m finding hilarious about dating again, eleven years after the last time I was single, is that no matter how compatible or otherwise my date and I might be, there is one fact on which we always agree: OK Cupid is shit now. This isn’t a problem with an obvious, easy solution, I just think that when you realise something truly good is gone, it’s important to allow yourself time and space to mourn. OK Cupid sucks horrible arse these days, and I know I’m late to this revelation but I’m super fucking sad about it, and I wanted to have a little rant.

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