Today’s post is a little out of the ordinary – it’s a piece of erotic fiction, also recorded as audio porn, about a guy getting pegged by a stranger in a train station toilet. It’s not the sort of thing my brain would usually spit out, but thanks to my fabulous Patreons, who gave me suggestions for new erotica on a recent Zoom call, I have a crop of new ideas to play around with. When we do live calls, we come up with ‘improv erotica’ – Patreons give me a character name, kink, location and object and I try to weave those into a sexy story. Not gonna lie: I fucking loved writing this one.

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I have never measured how many orgasms I can have in one day, but if I were to estimate I reckon my max would be hovering somewhere around double digits, but not much further than that. Ten or eleven feels like a decent achievement, but nothing I’d expect a medal for. Today’s guest blogger, however, definitely deserves a medal. When my site sponsor Hot Octopuss offered a selection of sex toys to bring people joy during lockdown, she pitched me the idea of using the Hot Octopuss AMO bullet vibrator to see how many orgasms she could have in a single day. The results are frankly so impressive that I think I need to turn over my ‘horny pervert’ card to her immediately. Please welcome @EasilyTempted, who put the AMO bullet vibe to excellent use in this epically wank-tastic guest blog.

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So this guy and I broke up, and I’m sad that we won’t get to play the bracelet game any more. Does that make me an arsehole? That upon breaking up with a good, kind man the thought which burns brightest in my mind isn’t guilt or soppiness but horny nostalgia? I don’t know. But as he said to me at the end, with characteristic grace: at least we were honest with each other. We were. I honestly wanted to shag him and get drunk and play Magic: the Gathering, he honestly wanted something more. I am, honestly, a bit of an arsehole right now.

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Note: this post includes a sexy role-play scenario which touches on somnophilia (fucking someone while they sleep) and is only ever hot with someone I trust absolutely, with whom I’ve discussed this kink in the past, who knows how I can withdraw consent if I want to. It is not – and should never be – a ‘how to’ guide on fucking. Don’t do this unless you have the express consent of the person with whom you’re doing it. 

Please try not to judge me when I tell you that sometimes I like guys to fuck me while I’m pretending to be asleep. I like the idea that they’re so horny they just want to slip it inside and grunt their frustration out on me, spitting cum inside me without bothering to wake me up first. Something about it ticks the same boxes as the idea of being a fly-on-the-wall for someone else’s wank. That intensely private, pleasure-hunting-at-all-costs urgency that someone leans into when they allow themselves to let go, with a side-order of actual dick in me. Yum.

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It’s time for another epic sex toy adventure, courtesy of my site sponsors Hot Octopuss. As regular readers will remember, they offered to send out some samples of their awesome sex toys to bring people joy during lockdown, and give them the chance to share their experiences here as guest blogs. Today I’m delighted to welcome Air (@boybecomesfree) who tried out the Hot Octopuss JETT with his partner, S. The JETT is a unique penis vibe that consists of two bullet vibrators and a silicone case to hold them against the head of your cock. The bullets vibrate at different frequencies – ‘treble’ giving high-frequency vibrations, and ‘bass’ giving lower-frequency, deep and rumbly vibes. This makes for some exceptional orgasms (as I can attest from my recent adventures with the Hot Octopuss Kurve, which uses the same tech), and what’s more the fact that the toy can be strapped to a dick also allows for some really fun orgasm control and edging scenarios. As Air found out, when S decided he could be tied down and edged with the Hot Octopuss JETT…

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