Instead of doing some boring-as-fuck intro where I tell you how hard it’s been to choose my top smut from 2023, this year I’m going to open with a thank you. Thank you to every single one of you lovely pervs for reading, listening, sharing and commenting over the last 12 months. This year has been hard, and as a result I’ve published less than I usually would, but for some reason shitloads of you have still come to this cum-covered corner of the internet to join in and beat one out. Over 1.7 million of you (WHAT THE FUCK) came in 2023, giving over 6.6 million pageviews (WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK). And although this would usually translate into piles of sweet sweet cash, because I’m an adult site I can’t make money the way a normal website would, with Google ads and whatnot. So through trembling sobs of truly heartfelt gratitude I want to say thank you to my incredible sponsors (Bloom Stories, Doxy, Dreams of Spanking, ElectraStim, FrolicMe, Godemiche, Hot Octopuss, Literotica, Meo, The Pleasure Garden, Sex Tech Guide and Whipple Tickle), without whom half of this would be impossible, as well as to my extraordinary team of generous Patreons, who provide the support that holds up the other half. Thank you, too, to the hot, incredible, incredibly hot people who have been kind enough to let me share our adventures here on site. This year that’s mostly been Hot Punk Guy [HEART EYES EMOJI], but special thanks also to Shop Man who restored my faith in dating, Maelstrom of Fuck couple who helped me achieve a fun bucket list thing (which I’ll write up for the blog later) and my lovely comet who showed me a great time exactly when I needed it.
Top smut of 2023: AUDIO PORN
We now have 468 free audio porn stories here on the site, and in 2023 they achieved over 2.2 million listens in total. The actual stats are hard to pin down because this year Google Analytics decided to completely change how it worked so I’m struggling to get super accurate headline figures. But seeing as various search and social media site changes (plus my lower output) have caused traffic overall to dip slightly in 2023, the fact that audio porn has had more listens in 2023 as 2022 is a huge huge win. And it’s testament to the incredible team of guest writers and readers who join me here, to bring erotic stories to life and help make sex blogs more accessible to people using screenreaders.
I always like to remind you (and myself, to be honest) that although the audio porn project is fun and horny, the main aim of it is to make erotica more accessible by offering written smut in a different format. Alongside publishing the stories here, I also give all the guest writers embed codes so they can add the audio to the original post, and make their own blogs more accessible to those using screenreaders too. That’s why one of my biggest wins of the year was getting to run a workshop about audio porn at Eroticon in June – I know more than one writer has started recording their work off the back of that, which absolutely delights me. We now have 33 amazing writers featured here on the site, and I’m hoping to work with more new people in 2024, so if you write erotic stories (true or fiction) and publish them online, do subscribe for updates and keep an eye out for the next commissioning round, which should happen some time in February.
ENOUGH WAFFLE! ONTO THE FILTH!
Here is the most popular audio porn story from each writer who’s been published here in 2024 (as measured by Google Analytics), plus one of their pieces that I think is especially awesome.
JM Seaborn
It’s been a joy working with JM Seaborn this year, he is a big big nerd about writing and we’ve had loads of fun chats about the (wank alert) ‘craft’ of producing erotica. You should be glad of this, because the more I get to wang on to him about it, the less I will bore you with here. ANYWAY. This fabulous piece about sharing/showing someone off is by far and away the most popular of his, and in fact is one of the most popular on the site overall. You’ll understand why when you hear it.
Note: contains ‘daddy’ as an honorific.
This one gets a special mention from me because I LOVE it. It’s horny filth, with consent woven so beautifully throughout it that you get to really luxuriate in the degradation while simultaneously feeling safe. I have a writing boner for it, as well as an actual one. (also contains ‘Daddy’ fyi)
Find more of JM’s fabulous work at WrittenInKink.com
Jenby
At the end of 2022 I had the solid-gold treat of working with Jenby to record some of her guest posts as audio. She’s not just an incredible writer and kinky sex witch, she’s also a fabulous voice actor, and her playful love of depravity just shines through in the audio. This is her most popular piece, as measured by the stats (it’s AMAZING):
And this is my absolute favourite of hers, because I adore experiencing other people’s orgasms just by reading about them, and this one is so powerful and so beautifully and intricately captured in the writing…
Find more of Jenby’s incredible work via her Linktree here.
The Big Gay Review
I was over the moon to work with David from The Big Gay Review – he’s a UK sex blogging stalwart, expert in dick toys, and searingly brilliant erotic writer. The most popular of his pieces is one which luxuriates in something that I believe is one of the most beautiful, horny things in the world: watching someone touch themselves…
My favourite of his stories is a love letter to dick. And it’s just the most stunning, intimate, beautiful ode to something that I also love. This is the piece of writing that caused me to get off my arse and actually get in touch with David of The Big Gay Review to say ‘please please can we do some audio together?’
Find more of The Big Gay Review on his brilliant website. Special shoutout here too to Luke (aka @Beardynoise), who read these stories as audio – as well as many others here on the site. He’s a stunning voice actor and very sexy man.
Robyn Eats Everything
Robyn absolutely exploded onto the sex blogging scene in 2023, and they now have their own self-hosted website where they’ve been posting consistently incredible filth mixed with searingly powerful, heartfelt thoughts and rants. Their most listened-to piece this year was this intense story about their first sex party…
And this is my absolute favourite piece from Robyn overall. It’s so intimate, so horny, so dripping with lust and love and care for the act of seduction… my God. It’s the most Robyn piece of audio on the site, in my opinion: this direct intimacy is something they do especially brilliantly.
Find more of Robyn on their website – RobynEatsEverything.com.
The Barefoot Sub
I had such a fun time recording with The Barefoot Sub, and was so blown away by her fabulously creative kinky pieces and how beautifully she read them. Bonus points to her for being (as far as I know?) the only writer who has used the studio as an extra location for their kinky scavenger hunt!
And it was hard to choose my personal favourite, so I’m giving two a special mention. The first is this stunningly hot fantasy about being used by the band after a gig – Backstage girl – CUNTGUSH. And the second is this absolutely genius use of a sex doll. Seriously, genius. I rarely come across erotica with concepts I’ve never considered before, but this is one of them, and it dances so cleverly on the line where you can nudge someone’s darkest fears while still respecting their limits.
Find more of The Barefoot Sub on her website ALeapOfFaith.uk
Sherryl Blu
I absolutely adore working with Sherryl – not only has she contributed some incredible original writing, she also sometimes lends her voice to other writers’ work, and every single time smashes it out of the park. Her tone is playful, lustful, seductive and truly beautiful. It’s a delight to work with her on such utter filth. By far the most popular piece by listens is also actually my favourite. What can I say? I’m a fucking sucker for a gang bang.
As the honourable mention here, I can’t resist re-sharing this beautiful piece about a casual hookup – in which she has a craving for big tits and decides to just go out and get it.
Find more of Sherryl Blu on her website SherrylsWorld.com
Molly Moore
Molly’s work is phenomenally popular so this one just absolutely smashed it in terms of the stats. When I first read this story, I found myself feeling simultaneously horny and also lowkey ashamed, like I was somehow naughty for even entertaining the idea of having someone do this to me…
If you like that, you’re probably also gonna love part two.
I think the reason I love Molly’s work so much is that she captures kinks that I share, in ways that highlight the exact things I love about them. Her work often trips the same neurons in my brain as used to fire when I was young and encountered porn that I definitely wasn’t meant to stumble across: blushing, intense, shame that thuds directly to my clit. ‘Inspection’ did that, and this next piece does it too…
Find more of Molly Moore on her website MollysDailyKiss.com. Special huge shoutout here to Stephen Carling too – he read this extraordinary piece, as well as others that have gone live on site lately. And I cannot get enough of his growly, hungry, deliciously horny voice.
Isabelle Lauren
I was over the moon when Isabelle sent me her submissions for audio this year – not one but two stunning two-part stories, both featuring two women (a genre I am terrible at writing, for obvious reasons, and which I’m always thirsty to commission!). Isabelle’s writing has a softness and vulnerability to it, which I think comes through especially beautifully in her most popular piece…
If you like that, you’re probably also gonna love part two.
I also absolutely HAVE to draw your attention to this sublime two-partner featuring Mommy role play (consider that your content note too! This contains ‘Mummy’ as an honorific). I loved that it was telling the story from two different perspectives – one submissive/babygirl, the other dominant/Mommy. Huge thanks to Carolyna Luna for bringing part one to life so vividly and beautifully!
Listen to part two of that piece here, and find more of Isabelle Lauren on her website IsabelleLauren.com
Carolyna Luna
Carolyna’s voice work is absolutely stunning, and listening to her read has helped me to improve my own work – just one of many things I love about her. Her writing is also stunning and extremely playful with kink, and her most popular piece (a sleep sex story) shows that off so well…
And my favourite is this one – again, it’s a piece that features two women (which I love to commission! Hint hint for guest blogs!), and it also features a cool type of sex work. The porn is – as per Carolyna’s other work – beautifully written and exquisitely read, but on top of that the story itself carries a message about anorgasmia. Highlighting (and destigmatising!) sex things we don’t often talk about is very much My Cup Of Tea, and doing it via the medium of sexy sexy porn is the absolute jackpot.
Find more of Carolyna Luna on her website CarolynaLuna.com
Lou Kane
Listening to Lou Kane read his breathtaking ‘top 4 top’ piece was one of my Eroticon highlights this year – the softness and intimacy of it had an entire roomful of people sitting in enraptured silence. That piece is coming out as audio very soon (I’m such a tease!) but for now whet your appetite with Lou’s most popular story so far, this absolutely sublime bit of achingly horny anal play…
And then get even hornier as you listen to my favourite of Lou’s pieces – this stunning story about dancing in the club, growing hotter and hotter for someone, and eventually getting to fulfil that delicious need…
Find more of Lou Kane on their website LouiseKaneWrites.com
Spencer Pritchard
Only one of Spencer’s stories has gone live on the site so far this year, but WHAT A STORY it is. The pacing and build on this facesitting piece is exquisite, and so very much in keeping with the rest of Spencer’s style. He’s a really evocative, descriptive writer and his work really centres you in the moment, so I find myself shivering with horny physical empathy for the sensations that he evokes.
Keep an ear out for more from Spencer in this latest batch of audio coming out in January/February to start your new year with a bang. And find more of Spencer’s fabulous work on LushStories.com
Euphemise This
Again, Euphemise This has only had one piece of audio published in 2023, but I have more from her in the next batch (one of which has already gone down very well indeed on Patreon ;-). She’s one of my favourite people in what I’m going to loosely call the ‘sex community’ – writers, bloggers, tweeters and generally kinky folk. Not just because her writing is such a showcase of unabashed joy for all things fucky, but because she did me a massive and horny favour at one point, for which I am still incredibly grateful. She’s generous, kind, and sexy as fuck.
Find more of Euphemise This on her website EuphemiseThis.Blogspot.com
Top audio porn by Girl on the Net
I’ll be honest, by the time I made it this far through the post I was sick of trying to work out how to juggle Google Analytics 4 (the bane of my 2023) so instead of giving you my top pieces by stats, I’m just going to give you three things that I either think you will like, or that I really like and want to shove in front of you, the way a child would show you one of their paintings, except instead of a painting it’s my porn. And I’m thirty nine years of age.
Free use secretary
I’m giving my free use secretary a special mention because holy shit, I was blown away by how popular she was. I was nervous of sharing these fantasies, because they were my own private wank fodder, and they involve some heavy hints at non-consent. But every story smashed my stats records because it turns out loads of people fantasise about the same things that I do.
Anyway. The idea is that there’s a secretary, and she gets fucked in and around the office during various meetings, work activities, etc, while at no point acknowledging that it’s happening. Free use, compliance, aggressively horny men… if you like having those boxes ticked then get stuck in. First one is embedded here, click through on the links to read/hear the others.
Free use secretary 1: the interview
Free use secretary 2: the phone call
Free use secretary 3: impressing the clients
Free use secretary 4: the stationery cupboard
There are a couple more in this series that I need to polish off – subscribe for updates, or support me on Patreon if you want to hear them first.
The one-stroke wank
Every now and then I try to write something that captures a really specific physical sensation, and in this post I reckon I nailed that. It’s a post about the feeling of being penetrated – that first moment when someone’s cock slides in and I can feel it stretching me out, satisfying the ache in my cunt. And thinking about this sensation has built into something of a wank fantasy.
I also like this because I think (hope?) it can be a reminder to those of you who tell me ‘I can’t be a sex blogger/writer – I’m not kinky enough!’: sex writing isn’t always about swinging from the chandelier wanking furiously while someone flings mashed potato at you, it’s just about zooming in on a specific feeling, sensation or need and describing it in enough detail that people reading can feel it too. Or so I like to tell myself.
Connect with this
Regular readers will know that there is no fucking WAY I’m closing out the year without pointing you all at this particular piece of writing/audio. In terms of popularity, of all the posts I’ve written about my new boyfriend, the Hot Punk Guy with whom I am going to create loads more beautiful fuckstories in 2024, this one about love and late-night trembling need got the most listens.
But the one I like the most is this one about kissing him so intensely it made my whole body thrum with need, and frotting against him so much that I gushed wetness through not just my knickers but my yoga pants too. It’s the first piece I sent to show him what I did for a living and ask for his consent to write about him, and it captures a bit of the intimacy and connection that is the bedrock of why I love him so very much. I think it might also be the best thing I’ve ever written. He’s a great muse.
Top images
Stuart F Taylor, who draws the incredible illustrations for this site, is not only talented but also phenomenally creative and thoughtful about how he captures the tone of each blog post. Working with him is one of my absolute favourite things about this job: I send him the posts I’ve drafted (usually a week or so before they’re due live), and then at some point between then and the live date I receive a little parcel of hotness, beauty, or joyful creativity in my inbox. I have adored so much of his work this year and it’s genuinely almost impossible to narrow it down to three images, but I’ve limited myself so I actually get to go to my New Year’s Eve party instead of spending all day staring dreamily at the beautiful pics.
I’m showing you three of my favourites – one because it’s filthy hot, one because it’s creatively cool, and one because it makes my heart hurt with emotion and I don’t think many images in the whole wide world ever manage to do that.
Filthy hot!
Image by the fabulous Stuart F Taylor
This absolutely stunning image illustrates a piece of audio by Molly – In Use – a gang bang fantasy – I adore it because not only is it knicker-moisteningly sexy, it also features someone with a body type that you don’t always get to drool over in mainstream media. I love how Stuart draws many different types of body, and I know that lots of you do too – it’s one of the most common things people say about his work (other than ‘holy shit that’s horny!’). On top of this, the story itself is quite an intense scene that includes many dark elements, and the tableau is one of restraint and use and aggressive groping/touching, yet INCREDIBLY, Stuart has managed – through purely the expression on the face of the woman in the centre – to show you just how consensual it is. Seriously, just think about how fucking amazing that is. He’s a wizard.
Creatively cool!
How the hell do you illustrate an esoteric concept like ‘woman has a kink for misogyny, but doesn’t actually want to be treated like shit by men in real life, only in her fantasies and as part and parcel of a sex game’? When I sent this post – kink for misogyny – to Stuart, I was initially a bit worried that I’d handed him a parcel of horrible woe, because how the hell do you actually draw that?!
And then holy fucking shit he pulled this absolute diamond out of the bag…
Image by the genius Stuart F Taylor
It’s almost like I didn’t need to write the whole post – this captures so perfectly what I wanted to say, and it does it in a way that both neatly sums up the depravity in my head and the playful way that I want to engage in it. As I say: wizard. He’s incredible.
Makes my heart hurt!
Image by the incredible Stuart F Taylor
Do me a favour and zoom in on her face, yeah? Just look at the hope and fear that shines in her eyes! Good lord. Stuart has drawn so many images this year which include really evocative facial expressions, but of all of them this is my absolute favourite. Not just for the look in her eyes, but the calm peacefulness of his expression too. The post itself – last night’s fucking – is all about the knife-edge uncertainty of wanting an early relationship to become one that blossoms into something big, while worrying that you’re deluding yourself about how special it actually is.
The image itself is an arrow fired directly into the centre of my hopeful heart, and I have spent a lot of time just looking at it and marvelling at how someone can capture this feeling so perfectly.
THANK YOU STUART
Top guest blogs
Husband sitting – keeping him entertained – by the FABULOUS Missy of Focused & Filthy. If you like sexy pictures and words you will adore her blog. She’s also incredibly lovely, supportive of other writers, and fun as fuck. What’s more, she does creative sex things like invent the concept of ‘husband sitting’…
“I decided to ask a very sexy and amazing woman if she’d like to come to our AirBnB and husband sit for me. To actually sit on my husband. Keep him entertained sexually while I was busy. Luckily for all involved she said yes.”
The Laundromat – ‘there’s only this’ – by the BRILLIANT Clara Dunn. This is a piece of erotic fiction that had me holding my breath through most of it. Her writing has this beautiful breathless quality – you can find more of it in this stunning story too – but the laundromat is my favourite (and clearly plenty of other people’s too!). Every single thing about it hangs hot and thick with need.
“She licks her lips and leans in. She presses a kiss to his underwear, to a spot just beside his aching head. She presses another below that, follows the line of his shaft, goes on with this would-be-shy assault. She puts her mouth to his balls and gives them a sucking, biting kiss through the cotton. He groans.”
My first orgasm with a neovulva – by the absolutely WONDERFUL Star! Another piece in my favourite genre of ‘people describing physical things in delicious detail’. And this thing is (in my opinion) one of the coolest things to share through writing (I would love for any more posts along these lines if anyone wants to pitch me others about having an orgasm after surgery!). Star writes about her first orgasm with her neovulva with humour, openness, and delightful horn and I am so pleased that this one made the top 3 guest posts!
“Last August I had gender reassignment surgery, replacing my existing genitals with ones that are indistinguishable from a cis woman’s. Hence: neovulva, as in ‘new vulva’… Recovery has been difficult, but that’s a story for another day. All we need to know here is that, as things have been healing, I have slowly been reconnecting with an old feeling: being horny.”
(I hope this is not) THE END
This year’s been a tricky one because I had a minor breakdown in March and everything went to shit for a while as I sorted that out. Much of the mess remains, but I’ve managed to erect some fences that prevent it from bleeding so thoroughly into my working life and I’m getting back on track to bring you tonnes more hot audio porn and intensely loved-up smut about my sex life in 2024.
If you want to help me out, join my team on Patreon (it won’t show up as ‘porn’ on your credit card, and you can do an annual sub and just immediately cancel if you only want to chuck in a one-off amount of money), buy from my lovely sponsors (Bloom Stories, Doxy, Dreams of Spanking, ElectraStim, FrolicMe, Godemiche, Hot Octopuss, Literotica, Meo, The Pleasure Garden, Sex Tech Guide and Whipple Tickle), and share the posts you love (more shares = more traffic = more advertising to help cover costs).
Sorry to do the cap-in-hand stuff. Times are tough and I know they’re tough for everyone. I have a few red lines that I won’t compromise on (I won’t take on sponsors who are dickheads, I won’t pay less for guest work, I won’t paywall the audio porn/site, etc) so if the compromise I have to make in order to keep doing this is that I cringe myself inside out on a regular basis by asking you to support me on Patreon, that’s the one I’ll go for. And I’ll offer a tonne of bonus content to make it worth your while: in 2024 I’m hoping to do an interview with Stuart (YAY!), publish the interview with the Magic Sex Fairy who set me and my dude up on a blind date, and maybe also an interview with him if that’s possible. Plus live calls where I read you previews of smut and we hang out and chat shit.
Don’t worry if it’s not possible for you to financially support the site, though. If you can’t chip in with your money, chip in with your kind words. Any and all of the guest writers/readers would be grateful for nice comments, so when you see a post you like, drop a ‘well done’ below the line or share it on your social site of choice.
If you’d like a more personal update from 2023, check out this month’s round-up on (YOU GUESSED IT) Patreon, and in the meantime enjoy as much of this guest smut as your pervy little heart/pants will hold.
I hope that 2024 brings you plenty of sexy joy.
Now I’m off to spend New Year’s Eve in the company of friends and the arms of a very sexy punk.
xxx
4 Comments
“sex writing isn’t always about swinging from the chandelier wanking furiously while someone flings mashed potato at you” – creased me up. Thanks for all the great content GOTN, your unique brand of feisty yet vulnerable fiendishness is very much appreciated. Happy new year x
Love you, G – thanks for everything in 2023 x
Oh My GOODness, this post is like an all-one-can-take brain-wank buffet! SO much great content and references! I love Robyn’s content, Euphemise This’s work and voice is so sexy that her voice melts my brain, in absoltely the best way – and as for GOTN’s self-read work… Urngh! Absolutely great end-of-year roundup! Thank you, GOTN!
Ohhhh myyy Goodness, this is a fantastic roundup! I’m sorry I didn’t catch it until the new year, as it would have enlivened my 31st of December considerably if I had!
Thnk you very much for all that you do, GOTN, even though that I hope you’re so wrapped up in punk that your next post is in Spring!