Girl on the Net

This week’s guest blog is a little different – the fantastic Amy from Coffee and Kink (follow her on Twitter here!) has been canvassing some of the best Valentine’s Day stories from cool people who work in the adult industry. As you probably know, those of us who work here are often a bit eye-roll about the day, especially with all the pressure to Do Something Valentine’s Related if you’re a blogger. But this is my first Valentine’s Day as a single person in a long time, and I find myself less annoyed by it than I was when I was in a relationship: now I can view it from the outside, I enjoy living vicariously through other people’s happy times. Huge thanks to Amy, and to everyone who contributed to this piece – please do click the links and check out their amazing work!

Tell us about your best Valentine’s Day

I thought it would be fun to celebrate Valentine’s Day by asking some of my colleagues and friends in this industry about what Valentine’s Day means to them and how (or if) they celebrate. The resulting stories are sweet, unexpected, sometimes funny, and incredibly diverse. I always think that the way Valentine’s Day is portrayed in the media is so narrow, but I’m all about celebrating love in its many different forms. Just for fun, I also asked everyone to recommend a fave sex toy or two.

Here’s what they had to say.

Tabitha Rayne on… practical gifts and her amazing gran

“I’m used to being ridiculed for loving romance and being told Valentine’s Day is just a commercialised piece of nonsense fabricated to trick folk into spending money. Well, of course there’s an element of that, but I have always, always loved it.

The anticipation that you might get a card from your secret crush… or your secret crush might find out it was YOU that left that little chocolate heart by their locker. Oh it’s just soooo romantic. Though now I’m thinking about it… also a bit creepy!

Oh damn it.

Anyway, I’ll tell you why I love it so much. For my whole entire life until the year she died, my gran sent me a Valentine’s card. She understood the whole early teen drama and social status of who got a card and who didn’t—the heartbreak, the elation, and the popularity it seemed to bring if you got more than one. She knew all about working a crowd! Gran was my biggest cheerleader in everything I did especially when I got into erotica and sex toy design. She LOVED telling her carers about the saucy things I created.

I once read about a burlesque performer who always received a bouquet of flowers from a mystery admirer every night of the show, giving her that air of being a celebrated VIP. Once, she arrived early only to find her mother preparing the flowers backstage. I guess that’s kind of how I felt when I found out in high school it was my gran who had been sending the cards. The embarrassment that they weren’t really from anyone ‘important’ was quite acute at the time. Of course, this switched into joy later when I realised they were actually from the most important person after all—someone who just wanted me to feel special.

I’m not one for flowers, so the most romantic Valentine’s day gift I ever received from my partner was a bicycle at a time when I was very skint indeed. It was the most thoughtful present ever. Oh, apart from a night of filthy sexy shenanigans at a hotel, that’s always most welcome :D”

Sex toy recommendation: “The Ruby Glow! I’m also going to say the Zumio, Doxy Wand and butt plug, and Godemiche Ambit.”

Check out Tabitha’s website and follow her on Twitter.

Molly Moore on… why the simple things are best

“There have been lots of Valentine day’s over the years (I will be 50 this year so a good 40 or so of them!)

Some of them have been fancy meals and gifts and cards, and some of them have been spent alone, but my favourite ones have always been the simple ones. The time when he came home with a £1 bunch of daffodils because he knew they were my favourite. The one where he bought heart shaped cookie cutters and used them for wax play to create wax hearts all over my back. The one where he agreed to have a bath with me, even though baths are not his favourite thing but because it was Valentine’s Day I got to pick.

It is not the grand gestures but the simple thoughtful things like that which when I look back mark all the best Valentine’s Days I have ever had.”

Sex toy recommmendation: “The Soft Skrue from Godemiche!”

Read Molly’s blog and follow her on Twitter.

Kate Sloan on… self-love

“My partner was spending Valentine’s Day with their other partner and I knew that might make me a bit sad, so I booked myself a ticket to a musical for children that was being performed by a local theatre company.

I got dressed up in lots of red/pink/hearts and took myself to dinner, and then sat front-row centre and laughed/cried my way through the wonderful show. Truly a self-date for the ages.”

Sex toy recommendation: “The SnailVibe! It’s great for Valentine’s Day self-dates because it’s a dual-stimulation toy that can potentially give you blended orgasms, no partner required.”

Read Kate’s blog, follow her on Twitter, and buy her new book!

Violet Grey on… making every day a day of love

“Me and my boyfriend aren’t really massive on Valentine’s Day. He holds the belief that Valentine’s Day should be every day with someone you love, which I agree with (and also think is really romantic!)

When we first started dating, we agreed on no gifts to go along with this way of thinking. But on the day, he’d still gift me some chocolate or a nice card, or surprise me with breakfast in bed. Now we’ll usually observe it in our own way, usually with a takeout and a movie on Netflix. Compared to the hypercommercialisation of the holiday, I wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s what we enjoy doing and I much prefer Valentine’s every day than just saving it for one day of the year.”

Sex toy recommendation: “Absolutely anything for clitoral stimulation!”

Check out Violet’s blog and follow her on Twitter.

Laura Boyle on… collaborating to meet everyone’s Valentine’s Day needs

“While I have often fancied myself a Valentine’s expert, most years, this involves making it a week-long festival of activities with partners, metamours, and friends, rather than zeroing in on the day itself (the better to be deeply extra with all parties, make great use of my extensive lingerie collection, and still manage to be SuperMom making heart-shaped toast and eggs for my kids on the actual day, you see!)

I have to go back several years – what feels like a lifetime – to find one where I made the fuss on Valentine’s Day itself. I was living with my fiancé in downtown Montreal, and both of us had one other long-term partner who needed a real Valentine’s date, and at least one casual partner. Valentine’s was a Sunday that year, and we decided that the clear answer was for us to meet at home about 5pm and have supper out together and spend the night – but to each make our other plans for the day as we wanted and stay out of each others’ way as needed. (In a one-bedroom, sometimes this takes planning.)

I was working second shift on Saturdays in those days, and I went to my boyfriend’s house when I left work at 11, waking up to kink and cuddles, followed by brunch (because really, what pleases a girl better than beatings and brunch?) and then went to meet a group of friends that included my casual partner, who I had a card for, and one of my metamours, at a fancy chocolate shop for coffee and sweets. The single folks in the group bemoaned the state of modern dating, and the attached ones (all of us multiply-attached, because polyamory can be a mess like that) picked up the bill as Valentine’s penance.

I grabbed some of my fiancé’s favorite chocolates to take home, and arrived just in time to cross paths with his girlfriend leaving. She said she’d left cookies upstairs for me, and we confirmed that we’d see each other at karaoke the next week – and off she went so I could get dressed for dinner while my partner changed the sheets on the bed and showered. Then our own date, sharing our weekends with each other and reflecting on our fourth year together over too many soup dumplings, and home again – cozy and ready to take on the week to come.”

Sex toy recommendation: I’m currently obsessed with my Osuga Cuddly Bird. That, my Hitachi, and impact toys like the Leather Thumper from Agreeable Agony.

Read Laura’s blog, follow her on Twitter, and buy her book!

Ness Cooper on… a very exhausting polyam Valentine’s

“When it comes to memorable seasonal holidays, I’m yet to have ones that are defined as picture perfect. Most would describe my experiences during these yearly occurrences as interesting and different, and that includes the year I had multiple dates out planned on Valentine’s Day due to my polyamorous relationship structure at the time.

Juggling multiple relationships can be a challenge at times, particularly when each person you’re dating wants to have moments with just you and not including the others involved in your polyamorous dynamic. So one Valentine’s Day took a new level of planning.

Starting the day off with a breakfast date out with relationship number one, it started pretty relaxed with food at a place we regularly visited. It almost felt like a normal relaxing day, until I had to rush off out to date number two, waddling with the contents of a full English in my stomach. Bloated, we walked along the prom, where my mind and body were just filled with contents of the date and meal before.

Next it was lunch, date number three, and my body and mind were not prepared for another date out yet. To make it worse, it was a multiple course Valentine’s Day special with a box of chocolates to take home. Date number three had me sitting across from them poking food with my fork sighing, likely worrying in their mind that I was finding it boring, when in fact each gasp of air I let out I was just trying to make room for more food. After exiting the restaurant with sloth-like elegance, I walked with them to the bottom of the road. We parted with a wave as a hug would’ve placed exploding pressure onto me and lead to that awkward gut feeling associated with not only an uncomfortable date but an uncomfortable amount of food.

Finally, date number five. With February darkness setting in, we met in the local park where they guided me over hand-in-hand to a skate rink. Red in the face from food and the chill of the air, they likely thought I was angry as I tried to work out what to do. There was no way, even without the copious amount of food in my stomach, that I could pull off ice-skating, so I left the date early claiming I was too unwell to be out in the cold.

There was actually a date number six waiting back at home for me, and their plans were obviously different to mine. I slipped into bed exhausted from all the food and interactions, and happily sipped at a cup of tea to date number six’s dismay.”

Sex toy recommendation: “Probably the Womanizer Inside Out or the Doxy right now.”

Check out Ness’s Sex and Relationship Coaching practice and follow her on Twitter.

Kayla Lords (and John Brownstone) on… great reasons NOT to go out on V-Day

“This will make us sound so boring, but we don’t actually celebrate Valentine’s Day much. Part of it is because we prefer to show each other our love and have a sexy good time all year long, when it fits into our life. Waiting to make grand gestures on a specific day of the year creates pressure we don’t want or need. But also, I’m a socially anxious introverted indoor cat of a person, and John Brownstone loves me anyway — this means I’m rarely interested in going out or doing big things for a holiday. I like to keep it low-key and as relaxed as possible.

We don’t go out to dinner or make big plans specifically on Valentine’s Day. But we do celebrate in our own way either a week before or a week later. I love to go out to dinner, so you’ll find us celebrating during any weekend in February that’s not the holiday weekend. We’ll have a nice dinner, go to a cigar bar, and then have a kinky scene later that evening. It’s pretty chill and relaxed.

In 2020, we delayed our Valentine’s celebration all month long because we got busy with work. And then COVID hit in March and everything went into lockdown. Like most other people, we had a year with no celebrations out at restaurants — no Valentine’s, wedding anniversaries, birthdays, nothing. When February 2021 arrived, I knew we wouldn’t eat in a restaurant yet. But I was determined to have our Valentine’s dinner. We would simply order it for curbside pickup – a genius idea!

Blame it on pandemic-brain or the desperation for warm breadsticks from an Italian restaurant, but even though we NEVER eat out on Valentine’s Day, I decided it would be fine if we ordered our dinner for curbside pick-up on Valentine’s Day. That it wouldn’t be a big deal because the restaurant would be busy inside. I was so wrong.

I placed the order a few days early with a scheduled pick-up time of 4:30pm, and told myself that should be enough time to get in before the real dinner rush. But apparently I wasn’t the only one with that idea. We pulled up to the restaurant at 4:25pm and didn’t leave with our food until 5:30pm, after calling multiple times and flagging down an employee as they randomly walked through the parking lot. I was the designated one to flag them down so I stuck my head out of the window, and said, “Excuse me! Excuse me!” trying not to scream at them but knowing that would be the only way to get their attention.

The windows of the car fogged up like we were teenagers making out. We sang along with the radio and tried to stay in a good mood. One of us (maybe me) kept saying, “This is going to be a very funny memory someday”. I watched the clock and said, “Okay, I’ll give them five more minutes before I’ll call again” over and over again. By the time our food was brought out to us, I didn’t even check to see if they’d given us the correct food or even all of it. But we did get complimentary dessert for being made to wait (we had watched people who arrived after us leave long before we did).

But it solidified for both of us, pandemic or not, we won’t celebrate Valentine’s on the actual holiday. This year we’ll probably go out to eat — on either February 5 or February 19 but never again on Valentine’s Day. And not even a curbside pick-up order or even delivery. Just…no.”

Sex toy recommendation: “Other than our own? Lol. As a couple, we love the We-Vibe Chorus. Kayla loves small wand massagers, and JB currently loves the We-Vibe Bond. The Offbeats from Godemiche are also old faves.”

Check out Kayla and JB’s podcast, Loving BDSM, and buy beautiful impact toys at The Kinkery.

Got a story about your best Valentine’s Day? Chip in below, give me more joy through which to live vicariously, especially if you are a horny or romantic fucker.