Girl on the Net

“Every time I come round,” my new boyfriend notes, “you have different dicks all over the place.” That’s right! I know how to impress a gentleman. Most of the time, the only sex toys that’ll be on display around my flat are my staple wank tools: one dildo, a wand and a couple of different bullet vibes that I swap in and out depending on which one is charged. But lately I’ve been branching out – dusting off some of the other things from my collection so I can mix up my masturbation even more. I could try and tell him that it’s because I’ve a discerning vagina like Epiphora or that I’m a wise and serious reviewer like my colleague Amy of Coffee and Kink. But the truth is, as always, far grubbier than that: I have loads of sex toys around the place because at the moment I’m so horny that if I don’t mix up my wanking tools I am liable to turn my clit numb from experiencing the same sensation over and over again. Picture the scene: a carnage of cocks, each one becoming obsolete within a couple of days of use because I’ve got NRE and I’m so aflame with excitement that I’m wanking four or five times a day. Desperately switching between rumbly bullets, buzzy ones, thudding wands and rabbit vibes just to try and surprise my junk into wringing one more orgasm from a body that has already been thoroughly rinsed. Now understand how grateful I was when my site sponsors Whipple Tickle sent through this rose vibe clit toy: a sex toy that provides a genuinely new sensation with which none of my other toys can compete. Hallelujah! A change really is as good as a rest!

What is the clit rose vibe?

Let’s eat our greens before we dive into the main course: I should begin by telling you that Whipple Tickle sponsor my website, and they sent me the Rosebud Sucking Vibrator for free so that I could review it. There are LOTS of toys like this on the market at the moment – some of them whitelabelled versions of the one that I tried, others with slightly different features at different price points. But broadly they all aim to do the same thing. And you should know that this one (the ‘Me You Us Rosebud Sucking Vibrator’, at £35.99) is one of the most affordable I’ve seen. Henceforth I’m calling it the ‘rose vibe’ because the official name is one hell of a mouthful.

The rose vibe is a dinky little toy shaped like a rose which – unlike a lot of other sex toys that claim this but look a bit pants – genuinely does look neat and adorable on your bedside table. I have tested its ability to hide in plain sight by leaving it drying next to the sink in my bathroom, as well as on my desk in the lounge, and it has not yet been identified (by my boyfriend or anyone else who has visited GOTN HQ) as a sex toy. I assume they think it’s a scented candle or a fancy soap or something, so if discretion is your thing I reckon that’s a big win.

It is waterproof (thank fuck), magnetically rechargeable (fancy!) and it retails for £35.99. PLUS you can get an extra 10% off ANYTHING on their website with the code GOTN10.

Whipple Tickle are a site sponsor (a very lovely one – I met them at Eroticon which they also supported, thus proving they’re a company that gives a shit about sex bloggers), so if you buy from them you are directly supporting my work and that of other bloggers too, and I am extremely grateful to you for doing that.

Now that’s all out of the way, let’s get on to the main thrust of this post: is this rose vibe any good for wanking?

The clit rose vibe in action

I’ll be honest: what this thing does is WEIRD. Initially I was convinced it was a suction toy, along the lines of the Satisfyer penguin which gave me an extremely confusing orgasm back in 2017. And the circle in the centre of the rose can definitely create a suction type feeling if you lube it up and hold it against your clit in the right way. But actually, I don’t think it’s technically sucking at your clit. Deep within the centre of the rose (see that hole in the middle?), there’s an oscillating bump and as that moves back and forth it creates pressure changes in the central chamber which then feel like thousands of tiny little sucking kisses dispensed one after another, and also delivers a pretty intensely thuddy vibration at the same time.

As I say: weird. It’s not really comparable to the vibrations that you find in a bullet (in my opinion), because what it’s doing is so different, and the way you use it is different too. With a bullet vibe I’d be moving it around a bit, circling for a while, before focusing more on the most sensitive part of my clit when I’m ready to come (the left side, for what it’s worth: I know not why, I just know that if you’re stimulating the right hand side of my clit you’ve as much chance of making me come as you have if you flick my right elbow). With the clit rose vibe, though, I have to keep it pretty firmly attached, with my clit centred right in the middle of the toy. That’s just how that little pressure-chamber thing works its magic.

See what I mean? That little chamber is the bit that sucks at your clit

It’s very very different to a standard vibrator, and that’s at least partly why I’ve taken so long to write it up. The first time I used the clit rose vibe, I couldn’t come, because my brain was confused by the change in sensation. So obviously what I then did was throw it in a drawer and not think about it for a month or so because I was anxious about how to write up a toy that didn’t quite work with my traitorous body.

BUT THEN. THEN. I became more horny than I had been in a very long time…

NRE and wanking

As I said at the start, I’ve been wanking A LOT lately. I always wank a fair bit – perks of being a sex blogger and doing everything from home, coupled with a libido that is both reflected in and stoked by the filth I write for you here. During normal times I reckon I average about two wanks each day: some days I’ll have none, and others I’ll top up to four or five depending on my mood.

But my mood at the moment is disproportionate even to some of my hotter days in previous years. My mood right now is riotously horny.

There’s something about being in a new relationship that ramps up one’s libido. You’re meeting someone shiny and exciting, getting to know their likes and dislikes, so inevitably you’ll spend a lot of time pondering exactly how you’re going to fuck them when you get to see them next. Well, I do at any rate. I have the luxury of time, and can legitimately excuse all those hours I spend daydreaming about shagging him as ‘work.’ Long and short of it is that I’ve always been a massive wanker, but right now I’m even more wanky than usual.

When you masturbate as much as I do (with toys – always with toys), a few things have a tendency to happen:

1. Your clit gets used to a certain kind of sensation and it becomes slightly more difficult to get off in that manner. Think ‘death grip‘ hand jobs if you have a dick.
2. The wank fantasies that are my go-to staples stop working as well (just as you’ll stop laughing out loud at the jokes in your favourite sitcom on the tenth or eleventh rewatch).
3. You have to spend half your day washing sex toys because all your quick-draw ones have been used and it’s only eleven AM.

So! I dug out the rose vibe again to see if it could help shock my clit into doing something new. And I’m delighted to say that this time it worked. Pretty well, in fact. It might have helped that while using it I tried to project a few fantasies that involved getting eaten out by a stream of dominant men (something about the sensation of the toy lends itself to that kind of fantasy, and even though I don’t tend to get off on being given head, if I conjure the right tone I can get there). But I think the key thing here was variety – my body was craving variety and this weirdly powerful little rose did the trick.

For me, the patterns are really where this toy shines. I’m not normally a pattern kind of person, but occasionally I do find that having the option to switch from consistent, intense sucky kisses to fluttering stop/start sensations makes a whole world of difference. Because the toy is basically suctioned to and held in one place, the variety provided by the patterns is welcome and helps keep me on my toes.

What’s more, because it’s such a change from the deep, full-body vibrations of a wand or the surface-level buzzing of a bullet, I find the on-ramp towards orgasm lasts an extremely long time. Your mileage may vary, of course, but I find with this toy I have a really long journey from that first moment when I think ‘OMG I’m going to come’ to the point of actually coming. Some might find that frustrating, and I definitely do if the doorbell rings and there’s an Amazon package, but most of the time what this means is by the time I get there the orgasm is proportionately more intense and worth shouting about than any of the standard ‘rub one out in the time it takes to pop the kettle on’ climaxes that I get from my staple wank tools.

I’ve not yet used it during a fuck, but I imagine that the fact it can be simply held in one place rather than moved around a lot should be a bonus for certain types of sex. Being able to give a partner a sex toy while you’re riding them and instead of having to direct their movements you can simply order them to hold it and stay as still as they can should be a bonus.

If you are a particular fan of clitoral suction toys, then the sensation this one provides will absolutely deliver what you need. While also being cute-looking, magnetically-chargeable, fully waterproof (wank in the bath) and undeniably cute sitting drying on your bathroom windowsill after washing.

Get a clit rose vibe

Pick up the rose clit vibe for £35.99, and use the code GOTN10 for 10% off.

If you don’t have a clit or you’re not yet in the market for one of these, but you’d like to support my site anyway, Whipple Tickle sell absolutely loads of other toys I love too so I can thoroughly recommend any of the following ones as well…

For dicks

Tenga Air Tech (delightfully grippy wank sheath)

Tenga Original (same as above, but gentler)

Anything Fleshlight, but I prefer the abstract ones (YMMV) over Fleshlight girls or Fleshjack boys, especially because with see-through cases you can watch your dick as you pump spunk in it. HOT.

For butts

Lelo Hugo prostate massager (the priciest and best ass toy I own)

Aneros Progasm (all the rigidity of glass, without the fear. Also great shape)

Any butt plug training kit (they have a fair few in stock) for practice

And honestly just absolutely tonnes more. Go and have a browse around Whipple Tickle’s site, and if you fancy picking anything up use my discount code GOTN10 and know that with each and every wank/fuck/anal experiment you’re helping to support my work and keep this site going through 2024.