I’m so delighted to welcome today’s guest blogger – Debbie Bird! Her one-woman show, Buzzing, which is all about a woman embracing her sexuality post-divorce and after 50, premiered at Edinburgh last year and was then taken on a national tour. I was itching to get to see it in the theatre, but unfortunately Coronavirus absolutely fucked with that plan, as it has fucked with so much of the rest of our lives. But luckily for me (and you too!) Debbie is doing a livestream of Buzzing that you can enjoy from the comfort of your home. To introduce you to some of the topics she covers in the show, Debbie dropped by with this awesome guest blog about feeling sexy at 50+, and there will be absolutely no prizes for guessing why I utterly adore it, and why it’s got me excited to see Buzzing on the 25th. Join me, get tickets, support artists who have been fucked over by Coronavirus and enjoy Debbie’s brilliantly reviewed show.
Feeling sexy at 50+
Something funny happens when you reach your 50s. You become aware that suddenly no-one thinks of you as a woman anymore. You have spent so many years being a loving wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, maybe you are now a carer or a grandmother yourself. But what happened to the vibrant woman, the sexy woman, the woman who looked in the mirror and felt confident in her own body? I had become invisible, not only to my husband but to myself as well.
When I hit 50 I realised that not only did I not look at my body but when I did, I hated myself. I was self critical and self deprecating. This was reinforced by the derogatory comments I received from my husband and also, the power of the media. I was overweight, a 14 – 16, I had a muffin top and not a glimmer of a thigh gap. My only saving grace was that getting fatter meant I had more fulsome breasts! Not much consolation when the roll of fat underneath looked like I was developing a second set. Having always been told that this kind of body was ‘wrong’ and ‘unsexy’, it was no wonder I felt undesirable and sexually frustrated. My husband didn’t fancy me, so neither did I.
So how do you start to feel sexy again? I began by dealing with my sexual frustration. That vibrator I had gathering dust in the drawer needed some new batteries. I began the start of building up my sexual confidence. The more I pleasured myself, the more sexy I began to feel. The sensations inside me felt sexy and left me feeling fuzzy and alive again.
It’s a funny thing but the more ‘sex’ you have, the more you desire it and the more you begin to feel desirable. Even if it is you that is desiring you. But is that a bad thing?
Why do we need a man to desire us? If you feel confident sexually, you will automatically become desirable. I promise you.
So how am I now? Well, life has moved on. I have shed some weight, something I could not achieve with him, but now I am doing this for myself. More importantly I have shed the unworthy husband and now look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman. I now look at my reflection and focus on the good bits. My boobs are pert, my face has lines on it but it has character, I smile more, I take pride in myself. I look like a real woman, and I am a real woman, no longer bothered about trying to twist myself into what the media propels as the ideal.
I have an inner confidence, because I actually want sex and am confident to indulge in it with whoever I want. And the crazy thing I have discovered is that real men don’t look at me and see all those ‘bad’ bits. They see a confident woman, ready to play and explore and indulge my desires. The more I enjoy my own body and my sexuality, the more sexy I seem to become.
So come on girls, start to enjoy your own body and really appreciate and build up your ‘good’ bits. Build your confidence in yourself. Not for someone else, but for you.
You are not the roles you play in life, you are, first and foremost a strong, powerful and vibrant woman.
Don’t forget, if you’d like to see Debbie’s one-woman show you can book tickets for Buzzing here. Tickets are from £8-£12, and the performance will be streamed on 25th September at 7:45. Keep an eye on Debbie’s blog and website for post-Corona news of live performances too.
6 Comments
What a inspiring post. Love it.
It’s too bad she couldn’t discover use it or lose it before…
I mean… that’s kind of a weird thing to say. We all discover cool things at different points in our life and if we all had the negative attitude of ‘I should have discovered this before’ we’d never find any joy in anything!
It’s a cliché, but no less true for that, that confidence is sexy, and few things are more attractive than a confident person who embraces their own sexuality. It’s sadly the case that for many people, particularly women, that confidence doesn’t come until later in life. But an older woman who knows what she wants and how to get it can be something very hot indeed!
Couldn’t agree more SCS!
Wonderful guest post. I love to the lines about the more pleasure you feel the more you want , it’s such a stigma still fir women to masturbate, in 2020 we are still challenging taboos that actually harm everyone. Because it’s so true the more in touch we are with our bodies men and women the more pleasure we can feel and want so it’s a good thing that should be encouraged for all.