Girl on the Net

I’m super excited to welcome Harley back to the guest blog. In the past he’s talked about the appeal of financial domination (findom), and given a fascinating insight into the appeal of having someone take away your money for kinky reasons. He also brightens up my timeline over on BlueSky @harlequinworks with gorgeous kinky build projects (seriously, check out his website – HarlequinWorks – for kickass projects like installing hard points for rope suspension). I love his work, and I also love his considered and thoughtful take on kink. Today he’s here to give you the lowdown on being a domestic service sub – what misconceptions to people often have about this kind of activity? And what exactly does he get out of doing the chores for a dominant? Take it away Harley…

Why I love being a domestic service sub

Let’s start with what ‘domestic service’ means to me. To me, ‘domestic service’ means me, a sub, doing chores so that my dominant doesn’t have to. It’s not about what I want to do, but about what they don’t want to do.

There’s a Dominance/submission (D/s) framework there – the dom understands that they deserve to have me do their chores, and that while it’s more than fine to be grateful, the extent of the exchange is me doing chores for them, and them letting me. Do I turn up to their house expecting them to be head to toe in latex and following me around with a crop? I do not. I just want to make their life easier.

So. Domestic service is doing chores for someone so they don’t have to. What’s the appeal?

What’s the appeal of domestic service?

I like to be useful. Like, I really like it. A lot of subs crave being called a good sub/drone/boy/girl/piggy, but that’s never done much for me (except maybe the piggy one). I want to be useful. I suspect this probably comes from a deep seated insecurity that people will only want me around if I am useful, but whatever. I like being useful. Domestic service gives me the opportunity to be ever so useful and then cute people are pleased with me and that’s the best.

I like being beneath others. This shouldn’t cause too much surprise, since I’m a big ol’ sub, but I like things that directly reinforce my place in the chain of command (somewhere below the bottom). It’s why I like findom, too – it’s a direct indicator of my level.

I like making people’s lives easier. It’s so wonderful when I’m able to give someone the opportunity to relax, or to take away some of the day to day pressure. It’s so great when I make the mould go away from the shower, make the grout white, make the oven door transparent again, and my dom is just delighted with how clean it suddenly is, cleaner than they ever remember it being.

This last one is a big one and it’s pretty selfish but I don’t care. My favourite thing is when my dom brags about me, or is telling someone about what I do for them and the other person gets super jealous that they don’t have someone like me. It’s the best.

Service vs. Play

Service and play are often quite separate for me. During play I worry about whether my dom is getting what they want out of the interaction, but with service, it’s entirely about them getting what they want. Naturally I may require some input on some aspects (Where does this live? Is there anything you need from the kitchen before I mop the floor?), but mostly my dom should be able to get on with whatever they want and more or less forget I’m there. Sometimes I’ve been approached by doms offering play in exchange for service, but that doesn’t really work for me; it’s so important to the dynamic that the dom understands that the service is the reward for me. I’m very happy to be decorative, for my dom to enjoy watching, or to have friends or partners over while I work; I do do domestic service for people I’m also playing with, but I want to do the best job I can, and I don’t want that to be interrupted by play.

Some example dynamics…

In my first pure domestic service dynamic, I had a key to my dom’s flat, and I would go over every tuesday to clean. Sometimes they were in, sometimes they weren’t, but in either case, I cleaned the flat. This involved doing the dishes, changing the bedsheets and putting them on to wash, cleaning any sex toys that had been left out, and tidying and vacuuming throughout. If they were in we’d chat, and maybe have a cup of tea when I was done, but that was all.

In my second service dynamic I had a uniform to wear, of a black skirt and white apron, and I wasn’t allowed to speak. Any questions had to be written out in a small notebook and presented to my dom to read and respond to. This sort of thing really works well for me; I need a firm hand and no leeway to provide my best service.

More recently, I have a simp dynamic, one where I have a huge crush on the dom, and I’m tremendously physically attracted to them, and they know this and they aren’t into me but they think I’m cute, and they enjoy taking advantage of how much I fancy them. On one occasion I spent the whole afternoon tidying and cleaning their bedroom, and when I was done, they thanked me and kissed me on the cheek. I was in a daze for the rest of the day.

Domestic service might not be for everyone, but as a concrete way of doing something to improve someone else’s life (see also: findom) it’s perfect for me.