I love it when guys I’m with give me commands.
“Pull down your pants.”
“Bend over this.”
“Open your fucking mouth.”
Being told to do something gets me much much hotter than when they drop subtle hints: a command is delicious because it’s a shortcut, a cheat mode to instant gratification for both of us. I know exactly what he wants from me, and I don’t need to mess around experimenting – I can just obey and guarantee instant hotness.
But there’s one command that makes my blood run cold:
“Be mean to me.”
“Hurt me.”
“Dominate me.”
Running out of ideas
The first time I ever dominated a guy I was ham-fisted and incompetent. His request that I ‘be mean’ to him was disconcertingly vague. Do you want me to verbally abuse you? Beat you? Tease you? Make you wear my knickers and crawl around on the floor like a dog? I had no idea.
I tested, of course, with gentle slaps and nervous ‘tell me you love it’s and ropes that never seemed to make the right knots when they were in my hands. But ultimately I felt like a fraud: I don’t want to hurt you – I want to be hurt by you. I can’t tie you spreadeagled to the bed and watch your twitching erection without wanting to sit on it. I can’t tease you with lube and toys and stinging licks of pain because all I want to do is see you – feel you – come.
Anything other than those specific things feels contrived and – when done by me – like a poorly-scripted comedy. I couldn’t bring myself to give any orders or try many new techniques because they seemed so unnatural that I was certain he’d see through me instantly, and have to stifle giggles rather than moans of pained lust.
So the first time I tried to dominate a guy it went a little something like this.
Guy meets girl.
Guy asks girl to hurt him.
Girl laughs nervously and tells him to take off his clothes.
Girl slaps his arse a few times, flips him over, pins his wrists to the bed, calls him a filthy boy and then runs out of ideas.
Girl sits on guy’s dick and rides him until she comes.
Guy ejaculates, with a palpable sense of disappointment.
One command to rule them all
I’m better now. Not because I have gone on a course, or because I’ve developed a natural skill for sultry dominance, but because I have repeatedly fucked up. Times I’ve slapped guy’s faces and had them say “no no, not that. I don’t like that” or tied their wrists to the back of a chair with knots so weak that a strong draft could set them free.
The fuck-ups have paved the way for more experimentation – I’m not just going to sit on someone’s cock because that’s the only thing that springs to mind. Now that I’ve had time to test what I can and can’t do, and how to find out what a guy actually means when he says ‘dominate me’, I can do more – go further.
Despite not being comfortable wielding a bullwhip, I can use a flogger to make someone tingle all over, and usually make sure the strokes land roughly where I’m aiming them. I’ve realised that although saying ‘get on your fucking knees’ doesn’t come naturally to me, putting a guy in a pair of silky knickers and squeezing his aching cock through the smooth fabric has a certain charm that I appreciate. I can sit a guy down on a lubed up buttplug and grab his dick, stroking then stopping then stroking then stopping until he makes choked whimpering noises in the back of his throat.
I’m still not a great domme, but I enjoy it more now I know that if I fuck up it’s not the end of the world. Because although I like being ordered around, I’ve learned that giving the orders can be pretty fun too. As long as the number one command is: “When I’m on top, thou shalt not laugh.”
Sorry I haven’t written much recently. I’m a bit on holiday. Normal service will resume this week, but as ever do subscribe for updates in the top right-hand corner to save you having to keep coming back and being met with a brick wall of disappointment if I haven’t updated.
10 Comments
Good article. This also totally works with the genders reversed. I switch now but when I first started having non-vanilla sex it was quite awkward and stilted…I’m still more comfortable subbing than domming. It just depends on your inclination. It is expected by most women that the man will be dominant, and I’m ok with and enjoy that, but it is a lot more work. So much nicer to just have to follow orders…
Interesting and entertaining read. I haven’t any latent desires to submit to a woman mostly I suppose because my nature is to be giving the commands, yet I found it quite compelling to get a peek into how a woman feels about dominating men. I never thought about many of the points you made. I very much enjoyed your wit and find you a charmingly good writer. I’ll of course enjoy catching up on some of your previous posts since I just found your blog. Thanks so much.
YES.
I identify so much with this post. Though in a slightly different way, I guess. I’m naturally very switchy, and in my previous relationship I was a Domme and my girlfriend was always the sub, as she can’t see herself in any other role.
My current boyfriend has always been more dominant and I feel naturally more submissive with him, but I found that I did have this strong urge to (occasionally) be dominant. He agreed. But when it came to it– I froze. I felt ridiculous giving this man, who is usually the one giving the orders or wielding the impact toy, any orders. I didn’t feel he’d ever be able to take me seriously.
I’m still trying. It’s strange, because dominating him is a very powerful fantasy for me, and for him, but I feel… yeah, a bit like a fraud. Because he knows so well how to make me submit, and because I feel like I’m trying to steal a position that’s rightfully his, or that he’s just humouring me by letting me top, and it’s not actually something I can ‘do’.
We’re in a strong position as we are, in a mildly kinky relationship, him as Dom, me as sub but us both with occasional switchy tendencies. But even though we both want to test those other roles sometimes, it’s a work in progress. In my mind, certainly.
We do switch but it does feel slightly fraudulent to me, partly I think because he’s 13 inches taller and over 6 stone heavier than me and has a black belt in aiki jitsu, so I couldn’t actually tie him up without his consent whereas he can very easily overwhelm me no matter how much struggling I do (not that he would if he didn’t know I wanted him to!).
I have found a bit of pain handy however if I’m getting bored and want him to come. Depending on what position we are in a good hard tug on his nipple rings or dragging my nails over his arse and lower back usually pushes him right over the edge!
Having thought about it a lot this afternoon I’m also wondering if I could lead him round by his Prince Albert, like a bull with a ring through its nose! Sadly I’ll have to wait until the kids are asleep in bed before I can experiment :-(
We really should stop having early morning sex! It leaves me no good for anything else all day.
Speaking as a man with a PA and submissive tendancies, I say “do it!” but with a definite “… but gently” on the end. I don’t know if it’s the same for all pierced guys, and I suspect it varies depending on the thickness of jewelery amongst other factors, but there’s a definite limit to how much tugging can be done before cries of “I’d like to keep that in if it’s all the same to you” are heard, especially when erect so less directable. As always, communication is key I guess.
Personally, the notion of being led around thus is a fantasy as not only does it combine a really tangible “resist and I can ruin you” re-inforcement regardless of martial arts training, but the direct, physical representation of the dominant’s power over the man through his cock is wonderful. Like a lightning rod of sexual power. Hope you have as much fun as I’m now imagining. :-)
On another note, keep up the good work GOTN, love your stuff as always. I might even try to direct the rather shy current gf here to see if it can help give her confidence to experiment and be more comfortable with her sexuality.
Here’s my thing. I’m not a naturally assertive person, especially w.r.t. intimate relations.
See that last phrase? That sums it up nicely.
Let me, for the moment, and because the audience here is, I feel, likely to be a) receptive & b) never meet me in person, cut out the internal censor. *deep breath* *snip*.
I want you. If you’ve had the discernment to see past my physical flaws, and we’re here at the “naked” moment (in various senses) you’ve already put yourself into the category of “damn sexy woman” and I’d really like to bang you into a huge screaming orgasm for both of us, you gorgeous, sexy, eyeing-me-hungrily, wild, horny witch/bitch/slut/angel/goddess/.
Except that, because I’m not an arrogant arsehole, I don’t know if you’ll 1) grin and grab me 2) roll your eyes and say “fuck off/get out” or 3) kick me in the groin.
PS : please select option 1).
So the doubt keeps me polite and gentlemanly.
Which results in options 2 and or 3. *fail*
*inner censor back on*
Browserderp, there was after goddess, but it vanished, lol
Grrr! *putwhatworksforyouhere* after goddess, dammit!! =D
I can thoroughly empathise. I *am* a naturally assertive/direct person – but if we’re in a position where we are being intimate, then frankly, I want to be used. I read some GOTN stuff and think “I’d love to do that/have that done to me” – I mean the idea that anytime someone im with feels horny they could just grab me and shove my head between my legs (and importantly, not feel like they have to do anything in return) “does it” for me.
Unfortunately, my experience has been, even when the person I’m with is clearly more experienced than me, it feels like they expect me to take the lead – which would be fine except, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable – and feeling uncomfortable can cause various performance issues.
Especially if it feels like the only reason for it is because “you’re a bloke and that’s what a bloke should do…”
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