Long-time readers will remember that a few months ago I got very excited by the concept of a Guitar Hero style game, but for wanking. It’s called Cock Hero, and the gentleman who discovered the idea and sent it to me very kindly gave me an in-depth explanation of what Cock Hero is, and why it is so fucking horny.
Essentially you masturbate in time to a beat, along to a montage of porn put together specifically to challenge you. It begins fairly softcore, and the beat counter at the bottom of the screen directs you in slow, occasional strokes. Then as the game progresses, the porn gets more intense and the beat counter speeds up, whipping you into a rhythmic frenzy until it’s all you can do to hold back on the inevitable jizzsplosion.
Naturally I was intrigued, and I have spent the next few months getting involved in Cock Hero on a casual gaming basis, because I like playing with dicks and I am lucky enough to know a guy who’ll let me have a go on his in the name of Friday-night fun. I thought I’d give you a run-down of my own tips and hacks, in case you fancy playing yourself. It is probably the niche-est article I have ever written, and it may only be of interest to me, so I have tried to spice it up with some detailed descriptions of wanking people off.
Ready? Let’s go.
How to play Cock Hero if you don’t have your own cock
You’d think there’d be only one way to do this: you find someone who does have a cock, who’ll let you play with it while they take part in the game. More on this below, but that’s not the only way.
Watching a Cock Hero video, you can rub your clit in time to the beat, or use a dildo to give you thrusts as each beat mark runs across the bottom of the screen. I’m not a massive fan of this (despite a few valiant attempts) because the game is mostly dominated by straight blokes, and so the porn chosen – often POV shots of cocks going into cunts and whatnot – doesn’t really match what happens in my depraved brain when I’m wanking.
However: there are a number of videos available where guys have filmed themselves taking various Cock Hero challenges. The porn montage that is the basis of the game shows in the top right-hand corner of the screen, while the rest of the screen is taken up by video of the guy in question: stomach muscles tense, hand gripped tightly round his dick, beating away in a controlled manner as he competes. It’s pretty fucking mesmerising stuff, especially when you can see he’s close to losing control – holding himself on the edge of orgasm in order to complete the level. When he jizzes? Game over.
You have two options here:
- Stroke along to the same beat with him and see if you can hold off your orgasm for longer than he does OR (my favourite option):
- Try and time your orgasm for the exact moment that he ‘loses’ the game, squirting a delicious arc of jizz all over his stomach and chest. If you manage to come at the exact same time he does? Then you are The Winner. Make yourself a special badge or something.
Playing Cock Hero with a partner
This is the most fun way, in my opinion, for two reasons.
- I love playing with dick. Duh.
- If you suck at hand jobs, or find hand jobs difficult, then Cock Hero is one of the best hand-job training programmes I have ever found.
When I wank a guy off, I am usually a bit rubbish. It’s hard to know exactly what he wants, and I require pretty detailed feedback regarding grip, rhythm, amount of lube (if lube is desired at all), angle – everything. Everyone’s different, and what your dick likes may well be totally different to what someone else’s dick likes.
All these things are still issues with Cock Hero, but one crucial element has been taken out of the equation: speed. As soon as there’s a beat bar along the bottom I no longer need to worry that I’m going too fast or too slow, and that means I can concentrate on the other things more successfully. What’s more, a hand job for me is something I do as a means to an end: I am wanking someone off because I want them to spaff in great volume all over my hand. Cock Hero makes that element far more interesting, because it’s no longer a solo goal just for me, it’s a competitive back-and-forth that adds an extra layer of fun to the whole shebang.
I’m trying to make him come, he’s trying not to come: round 1… FIGHT.
Cock Hero level up
Naturally, when you have mastered the Cock Hero basics (up and down according to the beat while your partner twitches enthusiastically next to you, biting their lip and holding off from spraying spunk all over the sofa) then you might want to make things more challenging in another round.
To make things more challenging for the player (i.e. me – the one without a cock who is doing the wanking), then the easiest way to do it is to stick on a random porno with no beat bar at the bottom of the screen. Pick a tune of your own choosing, and come up with your own beat-rhythm to follow. I recommend ‘Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat’, and sod it I’m not going to recommend you porn because I have no idea what you like. Maybe ask your Cock Hero subject to press play on the last thing they watched, that way you know it’s something that will definitely have an effect on them.
To make things more challenging for the subject (i.e. the one with the cock, whose job will be to try not to come), then picking a masturbation sheath or other sex toy they love improves things no end. My current favourites are the Fleshlight Flight Pilot and the Tenga Air Tech. Naturally anal toys are the fucking bomb here too – a nicely proportioned butt-plug that nudges the prostate works wonders to make withholding orgasm just that little bit trickier. For a super-challenge, you can pick a dick toy with throbbing vibrations too, like the Pulse by Hot Octopuss. Slightly harder to manoeuvre if you’re using on someone else, as you’ll need to get them to give you directions on the most effective placement. But it’s supposed to be a challenge so suck it the fuck up.
Additionally, although I haven’t used this during Cock Hero yet, I did once watch a homemade video in which a guy made it harder for himself by adding a pair of nipple clamps. I don’t know if it worked for him but it provided one hell of a visual stimulation for me as I wanked along to his efforts.
All the links above go to an affiliate site where I get a bit of cash if you buy things. Check out my sex toys page for a few more recommendations, as well as discount codes so you get money off.
How could Cock Hero be improved?
Paid, ethical porn
Nothing is perfect, and there’s one gigantic problem with Cock Hero that I would love to see sorted: attribution of the videos. There’s a big fucking problem with porn, in that most people don’t pay for it. That means there are loads of performers out there who are getting sweet fuck-all for your appreciation of their work. This sucks. Cock Hero falls into an odd grey area, the same area I’d put, say, someone making a YouTube remix of a bunch of songs. It’s technically new work, but it’s work that leans heavily on the work of other artists, and I appreciate that there are massive ethical issues here. This is solved by the ‘make your own’ option above, where you pick a track and a video you’ve paid for, but it does mean you miss out on the beat and the montage factor – I don’t want to play down the skill involved in creating something which carefully builds snippets to create a genuinely challenging game. Suggestions?
An international competition
Is there one of these already? If so, how does it work? The Cock Hero Reddit group offers users the chance to exchange skype details so they can battle directly with each other, but I would like to see some kind of international league, ideally with categories such as solo play/partnered play, play with ‘extras’ like where you use toys versus rounds with just bare hands and… I’m getting too into this, aren’t I?
More variation
So far I haven’t found many gay Cock Hero compilations – the ones which are marked as gay are usually ones where it’s a guy just playing along. I’d love some more varied porn compilations, and I would also love to see studios making their own Cock Hero videos, perhaps as trailers for their work – that way it also means that people can head straight to the source of the videos when they’ve finished playing, and buy some new videos for next time.
A new name?
I don’t really like the name Cock Hero, although I can see why it’s taken off. I hope, over the course of this ridiculously detailed essay, I have successfully persuaded you that you don’t need a cock to play Cock Hero, so maybe I can also persuade you that if you start playing, you nudge a brand new name into your chats about it wherever you can:
Wank Hero. Because anyone can play.
17 Comments
“I am lucky enough to know a guy who’ll let me have a go on his in the name of Friday-night fun”
I managed to get to the end (of the blog) – but I probably wasn’t paying quite as much attention as your admirably in-depth analysis merited, so distracted was I with the chuckling provoked by this priceless detail.
These are the sorts of selflessly generous chums for whom we all harbour a secret yearning.
Haha, thanks! I will let him know. He was initially very sceptical of Cock Hero, but has been delighted by the game as I have progressed from ‘amateur hobbyist’ to ‘serious gamer’ =)
Every girl needs a butler. Or two.
Sounds like a fab Friday night, wish my gf was onto this sort of thing! Have you looked at the game Bliss at all? Think you might like it with some custom bdsm actions.
Heh, spaff, since the Facials article it has been my new favourite word.
My lover would be happy to do this exsept she hates my semen being wasted so I don’t suppose it is a game I could pursuad her to particpate in, unless her vagina could be the sleave you rerfer to. LOL.
Anyway, the main reason for my comment was firstly to say how hot ure writing is and to also say that no sleeve or toy could ever give me the thril of her hand. the hole reason of a sleeve is to try to feel like a womans vagina, mouth or hand. if you actually have that vagina mouth or hand to hand, so to speak, why’d you ever want to use asleeve?
Spose it is all down to the individual like you say, the cohoice of porn.
Keep up the great writing – whens the new book out>
Ah, you’re right that it may well be personal preference. For me I find hand jobs more fun to give if I’m using a sheath – it makes it easier for one, because the sheath does most of the work in terms of grip so I can focus on rhythmn. I reckon you could potentially play this game with sex, though, although I’m not sure my thigh muscles would be up to matching some of the quicker beats =)
Ooh, although you can also get sheaths and toys with a hole in the end, so the spaff comes out and into someone’s waiting mouth if that’s more your cup of tea!
And thank you for the compliment! New book will be out at the beginning of March – just putting some finishing touches to it with the publisher as we speak =)
Now this is all very well and good, but clearly there also needs to be a “clit hero” (or is that heroine) version too…
KW
Lets play:-)
Hi there Slave80 – I’ve removed the identifying info from your comment, as I don’t like people posting ID info in comments here. It’s not always a safe thing to do as you don’t know who might try to add you (or out you!), and it’s also because I can never guarantee that the ID info actually belongs to the person who wrote the comment. Hope you can understand. Gx
I’m mildly obsessed with it as well and recently took a shot at making one for my girlfriend since she’s got the dual loves of competition and masturbation and there was nothing female oriented that I could find. It was way more involved piecing it all together than I expected (partially cause I’d lose focus and end up stroking pretty often), but was a fun project. In case you’re interested, cockhero.info has a pretty good tutorial on making them and a nice little forum to facilitate battles between players too. Anyways, really loved your thoughts on the game….so I’ll be here training, dreaming of making it big in the international league with finals live at the AVN awards (which would weirdly also kind of help fulfill my childhood fantasies based on 80s classic The Wizard).
You people need to check out “emo art” cock hero – it’s a cock hero for girls – see it on PH now! (There are about 6 in the series but emo art 1&2 are the best :-)
I want all 6. What is PH now? I’m a guy and find emo art way better than CH.
I spent about four hours playing cock hero and another edging game very successfully, while my wife was at work, unfortunately for her she came to bed a bit horny her self, decided to wake me up by gently stroking my cock before taking my dick in her mouth, she nearly got blown straight off, I wake up in the aftermath of all this wondering why she wants me to run get a glass of water and I why I have a big wet erection.
Hello, i have a question, the ”Ocean Bliss – classic glass dildo” from Edenfantasys is good for this game? or better should be to take something little? Thnks :3
Totally up to you! Pick whatever you’re comfortable with but my personal rule is always – if in doubt, start small and work your way up. I’m not familiar with that particular dildo (or if I am I don’t know it by name) but one thing to note is that if you’re using a toy anally you have to be sure it has a flared base – means you can be sure you can extract it again after you’ve had fun. Hope this helps!
That’s a fun article. Wish you were around to play cock hero with me! I’m a guy & much prefer emo art. The choice of visual is much much better & the whole concept works more for me.