Meet Anthony – Anthony is a straight male escort and researcher of intimate desire. Currently he flies between Melbourne and Sydney but he is available wherever you are. Get to know him on his website Male Escort Diaries, and on Twitter @AnthonyByNight.
He’s here to talk to you about shame, pleasure, and sex work. You all know I love a good theory about sex, and I’m fascinated/frustrated by the way we have certain gender-related taboos when it comes to sex. The fact that female sex toys are encouraged while men are often shamed for using them – that kind of thing. Today Anthony’s going to talk about our gendered shaming when it comes to paying for sex.
Paying for pleasure – a male escort explains
There’s something about sex that puzzles me. There are a few things actually, but there’s one that I’ve been thinking about for some time. Girl on the Net has graciously granted me permission to mull it over on her website, so thank you, GotN.
I’m a researcher of sexual desire.
Actually, let’s call a spade a spade: first and foremost, I’m a straight male escort. I’ve been doing this for three and a half years. I went into it for the extra cash and I’ve stayed in it because I like the work.
After a few clients came to me to help them overcome childhood or abuse or adult rape, I started researching topics so that I could better assist these clients. Hey, we all need professional development in the work place, right?
My focus is always how to please them: how to work with them in a way that brings sexual pleasure to them and helps them through difficult times if that’s what they came for, such as overcoming childhood sexual trauma, rapes or profound anxieties about sex. A therapist or psychologist could do a similar job, but women come to me because they want to take action. They’ve analysed it enough; now it’s time to do something about it.
Here’s the thing that has been puzzling me about sex: how are women so free to talk about and use vibrators and sex toys, but so resistant to talking about – or actually going through with – booking an escort?
And on the flip side, how are sex toys for men so non-existent and taboo to talk about but visiting female sex workers or strippers is easy to do and talk about with mates?
Have a chart to explain it:
| Women | Men | |
| Acceptable to talk about doing | Buying and using sex toys | Booking female escorts |
| Taboo to talk about doing | Booking male escorts | Buying and using sex toys |
Yes, it’s a flawed chart.
Firstly, I’m no mathematician, so creating an appealing chart with three variables was beyond my MS Word ability or interest in learning about.
Secondly, it’s hard to find suitable single words to describe these activities. ‘Taboo’ and ‘Acceptable’ are moral judgements, so depending where you stand on the issues, they might be bang on the money for you or might infuriate the hell out of you, aghast that one might consider men booking female sex workers as acceptable.
But, did Max Mosley get criticised for having a sex party with sex workers? No. He got criticised because of the Nazi uniforms; that’s where the moral judgement was. No one gave a crap about the sex workers.
Men who visit sex workers are the same as men who don’t. There’s an equal ratio of upstanding citizens, middle class family men and working class heroes in the people that do and the people that don’t visit sex workers.
It’s the same for women. Women who book escorts have exactly the same desires, fears, religions, bodies, ages, salaries, anxieties and confidences as women who don’t book. I know this because I know many women who have booked and many women who haven’t.
If both groups are made up of the same types of people, why is it such a taboo for a woman to book a male escort and why do they feel so embarrassed discussing their sexual needs when they’re in the room with one? (Yes, women who book me struggle to discuss their sexual needs openly. How many times have you sat someone down and told them how hard you want them to pull your hair, caress your shoulder, take you with force or seduce you with words?)
The Shame Factor
‘You seem too nice to do this. This is sordid.’
A client said this to me recently, midway through a booking. If that’s what my clients think, I’ve got my work cut out. I was shocked, but I get it. She expected me to be rougher round the edges, more on the edge of society and society’s rules. I’m not, except for the tiny factor that I’m a male escort (which is perfectly legal where I live and I am one of the few licensed ones).
One theory I have which may go a long way to unravel this puzzle is this:
With any activity we do, it’s the level of social acceptance and moral judgement that determines how much shame someone will feel or have put upon them by doing that activity.
Look how far we’ve come with homosexual relationships, for example. And in the opposite direction: a downward acceptance of smoking cigarettes. (“Oh you smoke? Shame on you. You’re going to a gay wedding?! Fabulous!”)
Shame along with moral judgement are very influential in the debate about the legitimacy of escorting as ‘work.’ I won’t make the moral case for sex workers here. For some readers what I do is absolutely fine; for others I may as well make bombs or be a sleazy politician*.
*Australia has a very unsleazy, former (female) sex worker as an elected MP. In her inaugural speech, Fiona Patten said this and became an instant legend: “I may be the first former sex worker to be elected to a parliament anywhere in this country, although no doubt the clients of sex workers have been elected in much greater numbers before me.”
In many places it’s illegal. Laws are formed or changed on the back of society’s moral stance, which fluctuates with prevailing winds.
The Acceptability of Vibrators
The social acceptance of vibrators is high, maybe an 8/10. Moral judgement of people who buy them is therefore low, let’s say a 3/10 (individuals are judged by their peers on a different scale to society’s social acceptability level), which means the shame score is 2.5/10. Brilliant! Go buy a vibrator!
Seriously though, there’s a lot of research into shame and its relationship with morality. My scoring system is the briefest summary of that I could come up with that wouldn’t psychoanalyse the pants off you.
But it wasn’t always so acceptable. It took an episode of Sex and the City to turn a productive and unthreatening industry into a booming totally acceptable, sing it from the rooftops one. Why? Because people saw that it was socially acceptable to buy and own one.
Vibrators are an everyday part of modern culture. They’re relatively nonthreatening to individuals and to relationships. The shame factor has been eroded along with the fear factor. The upsurge in vibrator sales did not lead to a drop in morality, a rise in divorces, or a discarding of men, which is vital to any moral acceptance. If a product or service could retire men to the scrapheap, it will never get off the ground.
So this is good news for women and sex toys but gentleman such as myself must continue to work in the shadows for a little longer.
Opinions are changing. Slowly, but changing nevertheless. The percentage of clients who book male escorts as a birthday present to themselves, a divorce anniversary or a weekend adventure is rising steadily. More and more are sharing what they’ve done online and with their friends, especially after the booking when they realised it wasn’t sordid at all but actually good fun.
My clients love that they’re doing something for themselves and are in complete control of the experience. Even if they hand control of proceedings over to me, it’s all about them.
The fact that my agents are women also shows there’s real power to the pussy going on. Women taking charge of their sexuality and getting their sexual needs met. How cool is that?
Sex will continue to puzzle me until the day I die or – potentially far worse – the day I stop caring about sex. In writing this post I learnt more about the nature of shame and the imbalance between men and women booking escorts. Many of the men who visit female workers share their strange desires openly without shame. Many of my clients are hesitant to talk about their sexual needs, which has something to do with sexual shame and also feeling ashamed of putting their own needs first for a change.
Vibrators are an accepted consumer good within society. Women watching male strippers – at the cinema or in a club – is an acceptable experience. Let’s bring the two together, shall we? I’m fighting the case for a high social acceptance score and a low moral judgement score for booking a male escort, so that myself and my clients get a shame score of around 3.5. That’s not asking for much, is it?
28 Comments
I would hire a male escort for sex if I could find one available (illegal in America). As you state: there’s an unequal balance – for me it’s availability. Females for pay are plentiful, males not so much
Rather than illegality (after all, female escorts are typically also illegal in most jurisdictions), I’d have thought the main reason for a lack of male escorts would be a supply/demand issue. As in, there seems to be less demand for them, and there are arguably more men around willing to sleep with people for free than women, making it harder to make a living as a male escort.
Makes me wonder how one like the OP manages it – by being very professional and good at it and acquiring a good reputation, I suppose. But how did he get started in the first place?
I don’t really know about responding, here, as it’s such a personal a topic.
In short, hiring an escort, for company or sex, when my own personal life is lonely and dating seems like an impossibility – for physical and situational reasons – well, it would feel like a final nail in the coffin of my own humiliation. Paying someone to pretend to like me for a couple hours? Paying someone to sleep with me because no one else will? God, the thought of being the needy/pathetic/ugly etc etc john that some men who sleep with prostitutes are often portrayed as… nope. I couldn’t live with that.
If I felt better about myself, yes. If I had a well paid job I was proud of, and a life and a body I was proud of … yes, a present to myself would seem like a very good idea. It wouldn’t be about the shame of using an escort, for me, just about the shame of why I was doing it, the things that would make it necessity. You have to pay someone to give you a hug? I mean, I would, I need a hug so badly, if I had the budget. But then, it’s easier to live with needing to be held than to face up to the fact that paying for it is the only way you’d get to be.
I don’t speak for anyone else, but then, I suspect that there’s a lot of women on massage tables right now weeping with the relief of being touched for the first time in a long time. And also a lot of women who won’t go for a massage because they’re too reluctant to show anyone their bodies.
It’s not the taboo of sex work, it’s more the fear of forcing yourself on someone who sees your company or your body as a chore. That’s just … it’s too much to bear.
I hope no one will feel offended by this comment. I think, for me and possibly others, the bare bones of the shame of self doubt/loneliness etc etc. is far more taboo a topic than the concept of hiring male escorts is, tbh. It’s not about the stigma of paying for the sex or affection you want, it’s about the stigma of admitting to why you’re not getting it in your personal life in the first place that is difficult. And that’s what’s implied in the judgement of others who seek it out. And maybe this affects women more than men because men aren’t expected to want/need relationships in the same way women are?
I’m male, and that comment rung very true for me. I think it illustrates why there’s always likely to be a certain amount of shame/guilt for some people about using escorts, whatever the general social attitude to it, because of how it makes us feel about ourselves.
I don’t agree with the OP that there isn’t any shame associated with men using escorts, BTW – my impression is that it’s still widely considered a pretty seedy and unmanly thing to do. Certainly it’s not something my guy friends and I have ever discussed.
You say ‘maybe this affects women more than men because men aren’t expected to want/need relationships in the same way women are’ – but that just means that a man who *does* feel he needs a relationship faces all the more social stigma.
(Not trying to play the ‘who has it worse’ game here, more commenting on how much we really have in common.)
Anyway… for my part, I’ve never used an escort or sex worker, and I’m not sure I could bring myself to do so. It’s easy to say that’s due to moral objections, or general concerns about the industry (can you ever be *sure* that sex worker is consenting and not a victim of sex trafficking? – OK, yes, sometimes you can.), but neither would really be true. The truth is the reasons in the post above: I don’t want to consider myself the kind of guy who uses escorts. I don’t want to think of myself as someone who really needs intimacy, and is unable to get it, but needs it so badly he has to pay for it. I’d rather go without than accept being that. (It took a long time before I was even willing to pay for porn for the same reason.)
Using an escort feels from this point of view like a kind of weakness, a kind of defeat, letting your baser desires govern your wallet. It means accepting that some people have such sexual power over you you want to pay them. Given that men are traditionally supposed to be independent and self-reliant, not needing a relationship with anyone, that is a pretty shameful thing to admit.
I’m as non-violent as they come, but thinking about that attitude… I think I can sort of understand where some men’s violent misogyny comes from, that results in attacks on sex workers. It’s that self-hatred turned outwards, a desire to destroy the person that exerts power over them and so reassert their masculinity.
Gee, maybe I should have become a psychotherapist.
Reading these two comments again, what strikes me is that the people who probably need an escort the most – lonely, depressed people lacking intimacy – are the very ones who are probably least likely to use one. Such is life.
Yes, but it’s a double edged sword. Loneliness isn’t really cured by paying someone to be nice to you for an evening, is it?
Yeah, I think these are good points – I have to agree that men going to prostitutes is not the happy land of accceptance that Anthony is positing it as. At least, not in England or Ireland – I think there’s still a lot of judgement there (and the industry is not yet a happy one either – I think escorting is perhaps quite a different business in terms of safety/clientele than the image of men and women on street corners that prostitution conjures, and perhaps that’s the issue here?)
I didn’t mean to play the ‘who has it worse’ game at all – that was really in response to the original questions made in the post. I think there is a massive divide between men who pay for sex and men who wouldn’t, in just the same way, and while those who do may talk about it, there’s a definite perception of seediness etc. there still, I think. I also think most people see sex work in terms of trafficking and danger and exploitation, instead of Anthony’s incredibly positive version of it. It’s sad – with all the current talk of criminalisation of users of sex workers (in Ireland, at least), I think people are forgetting that there is the possibility of working in a safe, controlled and positive environment in this way.
Hey – thanks both for your thoughtful comments. They both touched on something that I’ve been thinking about for a while (for various reasons that I won’t get into): the taboo of loneliness/alone-ness. Obviously not everyone who is alone, or who has no sexual contact, is necessarily lonely, but I think we have a view that if a person isn’t currently sexually active, then that person is to be pitied in some way. That there’s a kind of humiliation that comes with being alone. I think some of the stigma around visiting a sex worker comes from this idea that you ‘can’t get it elsewhere.’ Of course there will be some people for whom that’s the case, but by no means all, and there are probably as many different motivations as there are motivations for having sex with someone you’ve picked up in a bar, or on the internet, or wherever.
But I think it’s also a bit of a vicious cycle – the more we attribute people’s visits to sex workers as ‘can’t get it elsewhere’, the more people will consider those the only valid reason to do it. I’m going into a bit of a wishy-washy area here, but in my ultimate sexual utopia, no one will be ashamed of consensual, enjoyable sex acts, and therefore it may well be something that people can and do simply because they fancy a particular thing. Like, Clive gives great massages and Ben gives good head and Sam gives a mean pedicure, or whatever. It sounds incredibly flippant when I write it like that, because obviously we *don’t* live in that kind of society, and while no one would be shamed for not being able to get someone to give them a massage for free, people do have to live with a certain kind of judgment if they don’t have someone who regularly shags them. I’m waffling, sorry.
Basically, I see what you mean. And Vida – I think you’re right that men visiting sex workers isn’t totally celebrated – that’s kind of why I like Anthony’s shame scale, in that it shows sliding acceptance for various different acts, and obviously it’s going to vary depending on the kind of community you’re in. I do think, though, that men visiting sex workers is waaaay more accepted than the other. While few of my male friends who’ve visited sex workers would talk to their partners about it, they are happy to talk to me (or other friends who they’d be willing to open up to). What’s more, I watch a hell of a lot of TV and I realised recently that almost any historical drama includes at least one brothel scene, or similar, and it’s rarely ever portrayed as odd or shameful that the soldiers/gentlemen/courtiers etc visit sex workers. I suspect it’d be the other way round if it were women visiting male sex workers, just because society has for so long told us that male sexual fulfilment is vital whereas female sexual fulfilment is… hmm… a bonus? A nice-to-have? Irrelevant? Answers on a postcard =p
BUT, despite my waffle, I think the loneliness taboo is something really interesting, and I’m going to try and write on it soon – am well up for contributions on any of these topics too if either of you fancy writing a guest blog! x
Good point about massage. I was repeatedly raped in my first relationship, and ended up with PTSD. One of the things that helped me feel comfortable in my body again was a course of massage treatments with a very compassionate, gentle aromatherapist. There’s a place for all sorts of touch therapy.
Personally I’d rather go to a massage therapist and have fun at home alone with sex toys when I’m single, as I can’t separate emotions from sex enough to be comfortable with casual sex, and I can’t see myself doing well with paid sex. (My libido drops when I’m single anyway, so this has always been fine for me.) From what I’ve heard, women are more likely to feel this way than men are, which will be another reason why women seeing male sex workers is less common.
It’s worth noting that there have also been episodes of SATC where women more or less paid men for sex, yet that hasn’t caught on. There’s certainly a strong link between the things society can talk about and the things we’re individually prepared to talk about in relation to ourselves, but its also important to explore what we’re prepared to assimilate when it gets floated in the media and what we’re not, and why. I’d suggest that a lot of it comes down to what women and men are respectively ‘allowed’ to buy and control. A woman can be in charge of her own means of pleasure, sure, so long as it’s cheap and battery powered. And a man can buy a woman, because a man is to a woman as a woman is to a plastic cock. But a woman can’t buy a man (too far above her), and a man can’t buy a plastic cock (too far below him, partly because associated with women’s pleasure – viz. all the protestations in the comments on sex blogs that only a gay man (horrors!) would put anything up his arse). Is this making any sense, or is it too Friday for that?
That makes a lot of sense, J, and thank you! You hit upon something that someone else mentioned on Twitter about the dynamics between men being more powerful/respected/privileged than women, and I think you make some really good points. I haven’t watched much SATC (OK, *any*) but that’s interesting that there were episodes about paying guys for sex.
I agree with you that there’s definitely something in the idea that women are (or *should*? Argh) be available for purchase whereas men aren’t/shouldn’t be. There are so many gendered assumptions tied up in our attitude towards sex work, and of course so many gendered things that have affected it throughout history. I think I’d throw into the mix this idea that male sexual satisfaction is important/vital/something guys are entitled to. To a certain extent I think people see female escorts as providing a *vital* service for straight men (as seen in the number of total pricks who will say things like ‘oh well without sex workers we’d see higher instances of rape’ – as if men are incapable of controlling themselves) whereas female sexual satisfaction is often seen as something we can take or leave. Sexual release isn’t important for us in the same way as it is for men. Obviously I think that’s total arse, but total arse or not, I think it definitely does contribute to the way we discuss and present these things.
Sorry, as a *woman is to a plastic cock
Aaand, just realised I messed up your footnote by replying to your other comment. I’ll edit your comment so that’s what it says. Soz.
That is a really fascinating article. Thank you.
I’ve never dreamed of buying an escort. You’ve made me realise it is not taboo at all. I hope I never need to now, but I wonder if I would have ten years ago. I was so lonely until Peter found me in 2010. There were tears during those years as a divorced business woman in her fifties going whole weekends not talking to another person. Sad.
I’m so glad you’re not lonely like that any longer. One thing I noticed is that you said “buying an escort”. You’re not buying the person, of course, you’re paying for a service from that person, just as you don’t buy a massage therapist or a dentist. But it’s really common for people to talk that way, and it’s one of the things that increases the taboo around sex work.
There was a Buzzfeed article about going to a work event with an escort for the article. Lots of comments about how sad it was, as well as positive ones. It was quite revealing of people’s attitudes. V positive tone in the article – but, I wonder if most women’s ideal escort is someone who’s ‘nice’ above all – perhaps not the same end goal as your average male punter, maybe?
I think J and Vida are on to something really interesting, but I don’t think it is exactly that a plastic object is too far below a man, and certainly not that anyone who wants sex enough to pay for it is a loser.
It does sound as if we believe the erect penis is the fons et origo of desire, the sine qua non. emily nagoski has written about how women often experience arousal only in response to feeling desired, and you can see how it might be hard to believe that was happening in the escort situation. That would be why Vida and I feel like we only want to have sex with a man who has gotten the idea on his own.
That doesn’t actually explain why men feel shame about sex toys, though. I’m sure there are historical reasons (e.g. insertables are easier to design). But it almost sounds to me as if we think male sexual desire doesn’t count unless it has been spent on someone else. Every sperm is sacred? Or that hiding it from others goes with some kind of shame that we expect from women but not from men?
Going to keep thinking about this! Thank you for asking an awesome question.
“it almost sounds to me as if we think male sexual desire doesn’t count unless it has been spent on someone else”
That’s really interesting, and I hadn’t considered that before. I think we do have a lot of negative markers around men having ‘solo’ sex lives, that may not necessarily be applied to women: e.g. porn ‘addiction’ being frequently diagnosed in situations where men may just not want to have regular partners, or may prefer masturbation to sex, etc, or like you say – the use of sex toys. I need to think on this a bit more. Thank you so much for the link to that Nagoski article too – it touches on something I’ve been wanting to talk about for ages, the ‘I’m up for sex if you are’ idea. I’ve seen a lot of ‘sexperts’ (term applied very loosely) talking about the idea that you should try and gee yourself up to get into sex with your partner, and I’ve often found the whole thing a bit icky, and I think her article gives a really interesting perspective on it.
I’m not sure I agree with the premise that it is “acceptable” for men to talk about visiting sex workers. When I’ve heard it brought up, it’s also with a tone of “that’s only because he can’t get a date”.
I think a large part of male self worth is built on being able to attract women. This explains sex toy shame and why gay homophobia is always higher among men then lesbian homophobia is among anyone. In both cases the suspicion is, why are you wasting time on that rather than women? (This is similar to how women are usually the strongest in policing other women over their clothing and makeup choices.)
There is a level of social confidence required with being a man. The formula for getting into a relationship, seems relatively simple: Look after your mind and body, take pride in your appearance and go out into the world for your own sake, not because you want a relationship. (Not that any of those steps are inherently “easy”, just like good diet and exercise are the formula for a healthy body, but not always “easy”.) For a man, there is an extra requirement; you have to have the confidence to approach and make the first overt move. (Incidentally, I think this also why a lot of feminist writing on the subject gets up the nose of a lot of men. Often times it comes across like someone drowning complaining to someone dying of thirst about water.)
I’m a man, and I have trouble with this social confidence. I didn’t do too badly in the genetic lottery, I look after myself, and I go out into the world. I just often can’t bring myself to make an overt move to suggest I like a woman in a more serious way, even when I know it would almost certainly be accepted. I’m aware enough to have even noticed disappointment on a few occasions that I didn’t make my interest plain. (I assume that came across as a rejection of them, when really, it resulted in hours of me kicking myself afterwards.)
I have only had sex with sex workers. This has helped boost my confidence significantly, largely because I’ve had a few indicate they really like me, and obviously not in a ‘paid for’ kind of way – I’ve clearly earned their trust. I’m getting to the stage where I think the next time I’m really attracted to someone I will be able to make that required overt move. I just hope I didn’t leave it too late in life; I would like to have children.
Hi Aj,
So much of what you wrote resonated with me. I have been single for some time for different reasons, some real/ some probably imaginary (but enough to affect my confidence), and have had that look of disappointment. Your drowning/thirsty metaphor certainly feels very real sometimes. But this is why I support feminism since our issues are tied in with each other.
My confidence issues partly come from my feeling of self worth, which I admit is linked to how much I earn and the opportunities this afford’s me. It’s a vicious cycle of needing a better paid job and having to confidence to go get this.
In the past I have looked at women’s dating profiles and I’ve seen ‘I want a man who’s charming, well spoken, ambitious, caring, intelligent, knows what he wants etc’ and to be honest it makes me sweat a little. Like I need to be a bit more perfect. Except, according to society I’m not allowed to say any of this, feel intimidated, lack in confidence because I’m a man.
One thing that has occurred to me though is that, are these real reasons to feel bad, as in could I be trying harder?
Or is this all just inflated in my own head? Am I being too hard or too easy on myself?
Too hard. If we all waited til we were perfect before we had a relationship, we’d have died out long ago. I think dating sites are a horrible way to get relationships – better to start with a real person before you impose your ideals on potential partners.
Yes, the perfect is often the enemy of the good. It’s certainly an easy trap to fall in to, and not just for relationships – so many political problems are caused by dismissing policies that’ll improve a situation by only x% because they don’t solve it completely.
I don’t particularly like dating sites either. The market forces there are awful. As a reasonably attractive women, you get so many messages to make the process unpleasant. As a man, you really have to work hard to make your messages interesting enough to catch the recipients attention, or send so many out that you only get a response back due to the sheer volume you sent.
Thank you guys, I think you’re right.
I agree dating sites haven’t been easy, but sometimes it’s an easier avenue on a daily basis where as bar flirting is not, and meeting women at work is currently non-existent for me.
i think the point that really gets to me the most about this post, is the emphasis on how people think about what other people think about what they do. it definitely colors our perspective, but we need to steer away from that or other people will have to feed us our thoughts…
So true – yet I think my dilemma would be purely between me and my assumptions/fears of what my escort would think, never mind a wider circle. We’re our own strongest critics.
Did anyone read MonMouth’s blog? He started blogging about escorting in a similar fashion, but he wrote great erotica about his personal encounters too. http://monmouth.blogspot.ie/
Anthony’s writing reminds me of him a bit – the same considerate attitude towards his clients and also a lovely positive approach to sex. In his case, he worked for an agency, and the sex was not officially allowed, so it was up to him to accept offers if he felt he wanted to. I think this is one reason I’m not so surprised by this blog, being used to that one. I wish he was still writing.
I use to work for a casino. In America every state has different gambling laws so casinos work differently. I watched over the money at one table making sure players didn’t move bets and delete didn’t over pay out bets with hope to get a bigger tip. Anyway I watched people for hours. What I saw were a lot of very obnoxious and lonley people who I didn’t believe has a gambling problem but instead a deep craving of human interaction but they were to obnoxious to have friends. They give loud of tips to the dealers and the dealers all about their day. They look for people losing and start a conversation with them about how angry they are at losing. It’s sad. I think these people would save a lot of money and be more fulfilled if their money went to a sex worker instead of the casino.
I am a female escort and I pay for sex!
Why the hell would I pay for sex when 5 days a week men pay me for sex? Because I can and because I want to!
My wanting to hire a male escort has nothing to do with my work. It has everything to do with my desire as a woman to be sexually satisfied.
In my personal life, I could get anyone I want and I have. Hwever, most of the men that I have met have fallen short of any expectation.
So that is where paying for a male escort comes to play. I pay to have my sexual desires become a reality.
I am not lonely. It isn’t that I am short on intimacy. I book and have received several amazing services from a male escort.
On the topic of boys and ‘toys’. As an escort one of my speciality services has been to wear and use a strap on on men, mainly young men in their mid 20’s to 30’s. Now what I hv learnt from this is not all men that want my strap on are ‘gay’! On saying that I hv worked in transgender parlours, sometimes being the only ‘girl girl’ (is hw I am described on differentiation..(no cock under my frock…was hw I use to intro… lol). Now some of these guys would come in wanting the experience of anal, most never having tried it but wanting to. They have thought tht maybe booking one of the transgender girls would be a great idea. However, within themselves they are either embarrassed to stay and in the end usually walk out with a ‘guilt’ of “I must be gay” if I want anal. It is society’s perception tht give these guys that internalisation of themselves. I knw tht because many have told me exactly that.
Usually I add in my intro that “I don’t do greek (anal) however, if you are that way inclined, I do have a strap on”.
Then that is when the interest in my strap on is perked up with questions although at times it can be hard for the guy to actually say he wants it.
Before you know it we are in the room and the experience of a atrap on is had by all, but not before telling them tht I will make them comfortable and tht I would slowly ease them into it!
It is interesting that to put a sex toy up a straight male’s arse is taboo hwevr, for a female to have a sex toy or cock up one’s arse is not taboo. It is generally acceptable, maybe not totally… however God help the straight male that goes there!
For me, It isn’t weird for a straight guy to want a strap on just as it isn’t weird for a gay guy not to want anything up his arse! Another one of society’s misconceptions!!!
I am a female escort and I have provided a service for many men, too many to count. It is nice to be on the other side, to be the client.
There are many reasons why men use my services. To put it quite bluntly, he’s not getting any at home…due to lots of reasons, partners are not interested, menopause, sleeping in different rooms, new baby, due to age and illness partners can’t perform, argument at home, partner has just died, fulfil fantasies that they can’t communicate to their partner about or their partners won’t fulfil for then… too many reasons to mention.
For me I hv my own reasons why I pay an escort to satisfy my desires. To put it quite bluntly, I can’t find a man that can satisfy me sexually. For that reason, I don’t have a partner.And though I like my toys, I like human touch too. It is not just the sexual desire, it is also the sensuality that I am paying for. I am able to choose what I want snd can communicate that to my escort. My escort will deliver. He knows what I want, he can read my body. I can relax, lie back, close my eyes, think of England if I want.. only this time, the only English thing I’m thinking about is the escort that is going down on me (bliss)…It all about me, totally about me.
I understand that because I hv provided the same service..only this time they are thinking of heaven and asking me to take them there again!
I have no shame in men paying me for sex and absofuckenlutely no shame paying for a male escort to indulge me my desires. (Thanx Anthony😉)
Taboos are there to be broken and thrown out…I know I have done that…