Girl on the Net

Is there such a thing as the perfect butt plug? Finding the right one for you is a hell of a fun quest to embark upon, and I always love hearing about people’s sex-nerdy adventures down the sex toy rabbit hole, hunting for exactly the item that’s perfect for them. Today’s guest blogger is back after an incredible opening post about what prostate orgasms feel like, to share some tips and advice on how to choose the perfect butt plug for you. Hopefully it’ll get you thinking not only about what you want from the perfect sex toy, but also pondering (as I now am)… what exactly is the collective noun for butt plugs?

Ifs and butts: my quest for the perfect butt plug

It would be a little hyperbolic to say that a small blue butt plug changed my life but, honestly, it’s not too far from the truth.

We start this post quite a few years back, when I was in my early 20s. I was (and still am) a cis, het male, and my sex life had been – by my own choice – reasonably sheltered. I knew from my own experimentation that I was interested in ‘butt stuff’ (okay, so perhaps not that sheltered), but I’d never bought an Actual Sex Toy before. They seemed – to my then-unenlightened mind – to be the preserve of perverts. They weren’t the kind of thing that normal, upstanding people bought, right?

But I’d been chatting on MSN (remember that?!) with a friend, and she’d persuaded me that there was nothing to be ashamed of in buying something I thought might be pleasurable. Egged on by her words, and not wanting to delay it lest the courage deserted me, I went to the only sex shop I knew, Ann Summers, on the local high street, and… I went to HMV instead.

I stood there, flicking through the racks of CDs, pretending to be looking for something. In fact, what I was thinking was ‘What would the staff in Ann Summers think? Would they sneer at me, a youngish man, buying a butt plug? What if I can’t find them?’

But it was there, just a few doors away, and I held my nerve, and walked in.

My fears were allayed rapidly. They were in the business of selling sex toys and lingerie. People coming in to buy them was the reason the store existed. The staff talked about lube, and cleaning, and storage, in an enthusiastic, friendly manner, and I made my purchase.

About the size of my index finger, with a broad, suction-cup base, what I bought that day was nothing fancy or special. But, while I didn’t know it at the time, that little blue butt plug changed the course of my sex life.

It was the opening to a world I had known very, very little about. A world of people and companies designing things for the purpose of sexual pleasure, and people writing and talking openly about the sexuality and their preferences. It wasn’t sordid, it wasn’t seedy, and it wasn’t creepy. Crucially, it was nothing to be ashamed of. It was people learning, and discussing, what they liked and disliked, and a whole range of accessories to accompany them in their adventures.

It was my first exposure to sex positivity, and my god it felt good.

What makes a good butt plug?

Since then, I’ve found myself on what I guess has become a bit of a quest: is there such a thing as ‘the perfect butt plug’?

And my conclusion, based on years of what I’d optimistically call ‘research’ and pessimistically term ‘buying too many butt plugs’, is that there is not. Well, not quite.

Different plugs work well in different contexts, and so my quest is more likely to end up with a suite of wonderful plugs (what is the collective noun for butt plugs?!), from which I pick according to my mood.

And ‘mood’ really does come into it. If I’ve got a load of household chores – especially more physical ones – and I want more of a smile on my face when I’m doing them, in goes a butt plug. If I’m feeling a bit low, and need an instant pick-me-up, in goes a butt plug. Want to make exercise a bit more fun? Or struggling to sleep (odd? I don’t know, but it works for me)? Or just for the hell of it? You’ve guessed it, butt plug to the rescue.

I mean, yes, sure, they’re great for arousal and play too, but I enjoy them greatly outside those times.

Not the perfect butt plug, but some of the best…

There are plenty of posts that offer advice on where to start with a butt plug. And, other than ‘small and well lubricated’, there’s not much I can add. I’m not a sex toy reviewer, just someone writing about something I enjoy.

Over the years, I’ve found common themes to the plugs I like the most. I’ve written before about prostate massagers and what a prostate orgasm feels like. Here, I’m talking about the more typical butt plug, not designed to massage a prostate.

• I prefer metal butt plugs, but silicon plugs are a close second.
• I don’t care about vibrations, or balls inside the plug which knock about, or remote control. A simple, solid bit of metal or silicon suits me just fine.
• I like a long, thin-ish stem or neck – the bit which passes through the sphincter when the plug is in place.

Godemiche’s offerings are beautiful, and the range of colours unrivalled (although mine is a simple black), but – for me – the neck of their plugs is just too big to be comfortable for more than a few minutes. If they made a plug with a longer, thinner neck, and perhaps a less chunky (but still T-shaped) base, I’d be all over it.

I like a T-shape or “banana” base very much. Base size and shape is so important if you want to avoid an unfortunate trip to the butt plug removal department of your local hospital, and my preference by far is for a base where that just isn’t going to happen.

On a related note, I bought a cheap metal plug a while back, and the base and the bulb were two separate bits, somehow attached, and a not-too-aggressive pull separated the two. That one went straight into the bin, and I now give each new plug a good pull/twist before I use it.

Basically, I want to enjoy my butt plugs and not worry about it going past the point of no return.

B-vibe’s plugs seemed ideal, and there is much to like about them: with a nice long, flexible stem, a T-shaped base, and a range of sizes from “hardly notice it is there” to “I’m sorry, you’re going to put that where?”.

But – and it’s a big but – there’s something about their bases which chafe quite badly if I wear one for too long. It’s a real shame, and if they could solve that – perhaps a much narrower base? – I’d be a very happy customer indeed.

To date, two manufacturers’ plugs really stand out for me.

The best butt plugs (in my opinion)

The first is nJoy. Pricey and lovely, and even the smallest has a significant heft to it. The Pfun-plug is the most disappointing, as it doesn’t have enough of a neck to aid retention, and so it slips out too easily. A shame, as it’s a wonderful shape.

Their extra large plug – the Pure Plug 2.0 – is amazing, but (for me) for special occasions rather than every day. It takes a lot of warming up to accommodate the size and shape but the effort is definitely worthwhile. It’s also one to watch out for in a sale, because the price is as eye-watering as the circumference.

nJoy’s medium-sized plug is the sweet spot for me, being almost the perfect size and shape for wearing regularly, with a T-shape base. And, being metal, a little bit of silicon lube goes a long way. This is the plug for which I reach the most, especially if I want a plug in while I sleep.

The second is one which GotN persuaded me to try: the Doxy plug.

Despite GotN’s praise, I was very hesitant about the Doxy butt plug, with its round, relatively small, base. But since G had spoken so highly about it, I felt it was worth a go. It’s my newest plug, but I can see why she rates it. It is wonderfully comfortable, and, after a while, I stopped worrying about the base… almost.

I wouldn’t risk this after using a larger plug beforehand and – admittedly only a couple of days in – I wouldn’t risk sleeping with it in. Not yet, anyway.

If Doxy made a version with a T-base, I’d snap it up in a second.

I suspect I could also be very easily persuaded if they made a larger model. Their plug is pleasantly filling, without giving the feeling of being full, and some times more is… well… more.

I’ve moved on from that first small blue plug – I chucked it away years ago. But the simple, basic toy performed a valuable service in helping me realise that butt plugs really were right up my alley, and leading me to discover sex positivity.

Perhaps one day I’ll find the perfect butt plug. Until then, I intend to have a lot more fun searching.

This post (OF COURSE) includes some affiliate links, so if you buy through any of them you’re helping to support my work and pay the excellent guest bloggers who are kind enough to share their experiences here on the site. If you do want to purchase any butt plugs, here are the discount codes that’ll get you money off. 

Doxy: 15% off with code GOTN. [But if you buy before end of December 2022 use the code BLACK22 for a massive 30% off]

Godemiche: 10% off with code GOTNSHOP [Check out their massive sale here too]

Lovehoney: 10% off with code GOTN10 Use this link if you’re in the UK, and this link if you’re in the US.

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