Goths of the world, unite! Then disband again! Because actually it’s a little bit awkward meeting so many people! And we’re all a bit too warm in these clothes and we’d really rather be hiding in the basement!
I am shit at summer. I suck at being on the beach, I am appalling at barbecues, and although I can certainly appreciate a sweaty guy in a too-tight summer t-shirt, in general I find my libido plummeting with every increase in temperature.
It. Is. Shit.
Some bits of summer are passably good. Shall we go to sit in a pub beer garden? YES. Shall we have an ice-cream? YES. Shall we fuck like it’s the end of the world and our orgasm might stave off Armageddon? NO OH GOD FUCK OFF.
I just hate being too hot. Cold is good. Cold is delightful. In the cold, I can wrap myself around you, bury myself into you, and paw at every inch of your body with hot, enthusiastic hands: rubbing warmth back and forth, and fucking you with all the energy of a girl who’s using body heat to subsidise her gas bill. I’ll snuggle my whole self beneath the duvet, head and all, to take your dick in my mouth: cosy and comfortable in the happiest place I can imagine.
But writing about duvet-sex right now makes me want to push you into the sea. Which isn’t the threat that you might think it is because it is summer and In The Sea is the only place in which you could possibly be comfortable.
Summer sex is usually done with even more of a callous-seeming distance than when I normally do it. Positions such as ‘spooning’ and ‘missionary’ can be filed under ‘you might as well ask me to wear a jumper’, replaced instead by ‘doggy style, with our genitals being the only things that touch.’ If you can combine doggy-style sex with something cold, like the hose in the back garden or the shower head, spraying water over the back of my head so my freezing, wet hair occasionally whips back refreshingly into my face, then you are a sex god and I will buy you all the ice creams your heart desires.
So what am I to do? What do people do? What, pray, is the solution to summer sex? There are definitely ways to mitigate it, and not all of them involve having sex in the paddling pool. If I’m honest, NONE of them involve having sex in the paddling pool because my neighbours would see and those poor bastards have already suffered enough. For what it’s worth, though, here are my solutions:
1. Get a fan for your bedroom. Americans probably think this a laughable suggestion, because if you’re in one of the southern states you may well be used to air conditioning and probably have ceiling fans as standard along with freedom and waffles bigger than your head. But this is Britain, and we only get about a week’s worth of sunshine each year, so sometimes we need the basics spelled out.
2. As mentioned above, use positions that require as little physical contact as possible. I enjoy doggy. It’s the closest you can get to having sex without touching. That sounds harsh, but needs must.
3. This is the best solution, and it has been a staple of mine since I first went on a trip to Spain with a boyfriend, and we found ourselves thwarted by a twin case of excessive-mugginess and extreme sunburn: give up on sex altogether, and focus instead on the joys of mutual masturbation. Opposite ends of the bed, cooling fan blowing a gentle wind between you, eyes on each other’s engorged genitals and busy, horny hands, and a delicious private show for the pair of you.
Just make sure you wash them before you go for an ice cream.
10 Comments
How about early hours of the morning fucking?
Being woken by a hand resting on the thigh or a leg casually draped over yours.
Just making out the outline of your partner’s curves in the half-light.
The covers crumpled away and the cool night breeze from an open window…
I like Boy’s suggestion.
Interesting. I’ve always felt incredibly horny in summer, principally at the sight of beautiful women’s bodies. It gets to the point of being incredibly frustrating and eventually depressing since I’ve been single most of my life and couples look particularly happy together when the sun is out (as do most of us living on these cold, cold islands).
Also, sweaty (and outdoor) summer sex is great.
Summer sex for teh gayz out cruising isn’t too bad: a nice park at dusk with the temperature falling and no contact beyond lips on genitals. Much more difficult to achieve in wintertime.
We have a position that is great for summer sex.
I lie on my back at the bed edge and he lifts my feet into the air and keeps them clear of his body by using his hands on my ankles to keep a gap. He then edges up to me and makes love to me standing up. It is so good and so relaxing for me although he gets to sweat and has to work at it. The only real contact is the back of the tops of my thighs and my bum against his legs.
Even better with our humidifier blowing cold air over us with ice cubes in the reservoir.
Mind you how often have we needed such techniques this year? Only once so far, I fear! LOL.
*A* fan.
That’s adorable.
Let me stop you right there. >.>
Anyway, yeah, I can definitely feel you on the whole “summer making sex harde…”
…wait a minute…
Oh SOD OFF ;/
But it has been unseasonably hot! And we aren’t used to it! We had a 35 degree day the other week – it was shocking. Couldn’t even drink our tea =)
We had a less-than-35 C day earlier this week. I was confused for a bit.
(I’d have linked for comparison but I keep finding sites that lie and say the average summertime high is in the low to mid 90s. Yeah, that’s at least 10 degrees off…)
Your blog is terrific. Makes me want to find a partner to enjoy the heat with. Your writing is fantastic and is kind of like real sex. As I read your work, my brain is thinking of what will be coming next while my body of writhing with interest and yearning to read more. Summer sex is great because my muscles and body are warm, limber and I can get into a rhythm. The sweat, the smells, and skin sliding together. Feeling engorged and inside the warm body of a women while wrapping my long strong arms around her is much harder to recreate during the fall and winter. Watching her skin sweat and feeling the beads running down my back. The after sex space you give each other to enjoy running fingertips around your partners body as pools of sweat build up in all the wonderful nooks and folds of your skin. Sometimes after a day in the sun, the hot sunburned or tanned skin stings and adds a little pain to the excitement and rush of orgasm streams onto the tan bodies in white wonder……Yes, summer sex at it’s finest.
Here in Marseille its earlymorning sex that counts ☺