Girl on the Net

It’s Christmas, so there’ll definitely be some of you who receive tech or vouchers with which to buy that shiny new VR gadget you’ve been hankering after all year. So this week’s guest blogger, Tim Roberts, has kindly dropped by to talk you through the joys of virtual reality porn. How to get hold of it, why you should pay for it, and – naturally, because it’s here, and he knows exactly the sort of horny writing I like to publish – an in-depth, sexy exploration of why virtual reality porn is so hot.

Ogle Goggles: How – and why – to watch virtual reality porn

To my credit, I waited until the second day of owning PlayStation VR before I used it to look up strippers on YouTube’s dedicated PSVR app.

When I bought the gadget in August it was definitely to experience Skyrim in three dimensions, to pilot an X-Wing in Star Wars Battlefront. The sex stuff was an afterthought.

It’s hard to describe the process of getting porn onto a PS4 as an afterthought. It’s not rubbing one out half asleep on a Sunday morning to a hazy but potent memory. That’s a VR of it’s own kind.

You need to download a (free) Playstation app called Littlstar to play your own videos. You need to buy a plug-in hard drive to store them. (A thumb drive will work, but runs dick-wiltingly slow when full.) You need to download your preferred videos from a website on your regular PC then transfer the drive across.

I recommend paying for content. Not least ‘cos it’s ethical. Besides, early experiments with free sites will bring you some good clips, but about a third won’t actually work on PSVR even if they say they will – you end up looking at the side of a room while a sexy arm flails on the edge of your vision, or at two images of the same thing in both eyes. “Oh shit, this was meant for Oculus.”

Sites like Naughty America and Wankz can be signed up to for a month then quit without hassle – you’re Girl On The Net readers, you know how that works – and the (much longer) clips are likely to be properly formatted, unmarred by lousy conversions to low resolutions.

Let’s skip past the gadget being untangled, fitted, tightened, earphones in, area clear, controller synched… all the stuff you have to do every time.

And we should skip how, when you launch a VR app, the PlayStation asks you to check your surroundings are clear. And to be sure… it shows you the view from the camera. There you are, semi-hard, tissues on stand-by, pants around your pasty legs, stupid fucking helmet on your head. If you are okay with this, it asks you to confirm with a button press. Every. Single. Time.

Let’s click onwards and and get right to the important thing:

She’s being fucked from behind by a guy in a mask, her face inches from ‘my’ cock. She looks me in the eye – directly, so directly – and says “When he’s done, I’m going to suck you and ride you.” And when she licks her lips… I can see the depth of her mouth.

The distance between lips and tongue and throat are real, measurable. I know just how that mouth is going to feel on my dick.

And that’s the big upside of virtual reality porn. It’s so fucking intimate. When she’s riding you, her skin is so close. You move your head and choose what to look at – thighs either side of you, grinding hips, her breasts tantalisingly close to you face. The biggest intimacy for me was her hair – it hangs down into your eyes, it’s fake but it was real, and it is close.

Or look up and she’s looking right at you. Right at you.

POV porn was never my thing. Staring out from a laptop screen it never felt like it was happening to me. I’d rather watch – oddly I find that easier to identify with. Not unlike how movies work.

This is something else. That first YouTube stripper video – a minute of three girls in bra and knickers – turned my dick to concrete. I was ‘there’ enough to ignore the artifice and live the moment.

There is plenty of artifice, though. You might get a video with a lousy frame rate that stutters and strobes. Or worse, one where the lens throws off the scale and makes you some kind of bizarre giant in a land of tiny sex partners – and diminishes your visible cock by the same proportion. Oh, and yeah, it’s never your cock. And like the majority of men from the UK watching porn from the US there’s the old familiar ‘no foreskin’ disconnect.

But you can see inside her mouth. And fill it.

One issue VR is that the camera tends to stay still. It’s too nauseating for the camera to move separately from your own head movement. So generally ‘you’ are either sat down, stood up or laid down – and you’ll find yourself mimicking the stance at home to better connect to the video.

A pleasing side-effect of this is that men in VR porn are significantly less brutal than you get in regular porn. Less shoving women around, less squeezing of the face or choking. If that’s your thing go for it – but it’s such a constant that I’m sick of seeing it. There’s more delight in seduction and movement here.

And I can hear her breathing this close.

Because of the mic’s position, coupled with your stereo headphones, the sound is in VR, too. It’s not just her hair and her mouth and her skin – it’s the breaths, the rasping sibilants.

The effort this takes has become an oddly nostalgic exercise.

Back to the early dial-up days where you’d stockpile videos for use. But virtual reality porn reminded me most of being a teenager. When my family were away, out came a carefully stored VHS tape, tissues, lube, maybe a towel for safety. A wank you put real time and effort into.

Virtual reality porn requires that same level of dedication. And this time you’re going to have to guess a bit with your ejaculation’s trajectory since you can’t see where it’s going when you’re coming.

I didn’t get VR for porn. But then, that’s not why I bought a PC, a phone, contact lenses or learned to read, either.