Girl on the Net

This week’s guest blogger wears two different blogging hats: on some days she you’ll find her writing hot and intriguing words over on her sex blog The Other Livvy, while on other days you’ll find her delivering feminist movie analysis over at SexLoveVideo. Today I’m delighted to say she’s combining both of her passions with a post about surreptitious wanking in the cinema. Dark rooms… no other punters… snacks on standby… take it away Livvy!

Why I love wanking in the cinema

The cinema is a magical place. A place where you can get lost in an infinite number of different worlds, a place where you can be entertained and educated and exhilarated, and a place where you can get a hint of how other people live and experience a window into their existence. I love it. Going to the cinema is one of my favourite ways to spend an evening and, even better, it is a seriously underrated way to spend a weekday off!

There was an article in the Guardian earlier this year that highlighted the benefit of the matinee cinema as a form of self-care:

‘I watched and adored the film, taking up three velvet seats with my body, my problems and my coat. There is no darkness like the darkness of an old cinema at lunchtime. It calms you like a weighted blanket, the polite rustle of popcorn adding texture to the blackness.’

And while I agree with the sentiment and – as a sex and movie blogger – want to encourage all of you to go to the cinema more during the day, I have a slightly different reason for recommending it. For me, going to the cinema during the day isn’t always just an act of escapism. Instead it’s an opportunity to enjoy another form of self-care – because an empty cinema is a great place for an on-location wank.

Obviously, wanking in the cinema can only be done when the cinema is empty. There is something deliciously hot about public masturbation – it feels naughty and there’s a definite thrill in the transgression – but it is very important that strangers and other people who share the space with me don’t become non-consensually involved in what I am doing. Without question, that is assault. I usually get around this by being super sneaky: tucking myself into a hidden corner seat on a train with my bag on my lap where no one can see me, or locking myself in a toilet cubicle.

But crucially, if the cinema screen is empty when the film starts, it’s quite unlikely that anyone else is going to come in. The further the film progresses, the lower the chances of interruption become. An hour or so into any movie and I can be pretty sure that no one will come in, and that’s a level of security that I just can’t often rely on in most other shared spaces. It’s also quite dark in the cinema until someone opens the main doors, an act that is both bright and loud, and will warn me that I need to stop (or at least pause) whatever I might have been doing…

So I am in a public place, but I can be pretty confident that I am alone and will be for a while.

And I’m sat in a really quite comfortable chair. It’s designed for relaxation and might even recline. This is the height of luxury! In the right cinema, this chair might be more comfortable than my sofa at home. I can settle in, wriggling until I am in my preferred wanking position – slumped in the chair with my arse on the edge of the seat and my knees spread wide.

I don’t feel exposed here. It’s dark and warm, and the proximity of the other chairs creates a cocoon of sorts around me. I am enclosed, I am alone, and I am pretty damn comfortable.

Also, most importantly, I have snacks and a drink to hand. Being alone in the cinema, I don’t need to worry about whose armrest is whose, and I can load up! Fanta on my left and popcorn or maybe some Munchies on my right. If I’m feeling particularly debauched, I can sneak in a takeaway, propping down the seat next to me and laying out a burger and chips or maybe a slice of pizza. Everything I might want is within reach!

For me, the final benefit of the cinema wank is that I don’t have anything else to do at that time. I tend to be a speed wanker, aiming to come as soon as physically possible so that I can either get back to whatever I was procrastinating from or go to sleep, and I find it difficult to relax enough to enjoy a long, indulgent wank. Not so in the cinema – I have already put aside several hours for something that I love so why not also spend that time doing something else that I love?

So I am alone, I am comfortable, I have supplies, and I have no distractions. I am in heaven.

Pulling open my jeans, I can dip my hand inside my knickers, gently stroking and teasing. There’s no rush, I can take my time. And I can let my mind drift off into fantasy.

I don’t tend to fantasise directly about the movie that I am watching – as my movie blog has explored, sex on screen is rarely genuinely hot – but I’ve learned that movies can provide a starting point for my own imagination.

Watching a George Clooney movie? Why not ponder what fucking George Clooney would be like. What kind of lover would he be? Would he hold me down and fuck me while telling me what a bad girl I am in his smooth voice or would he be softer and more sensual? Or perhaps I am watching a Marvel movie and can imagine fucking Thor, another man with a gorgeous voice; or I could develop my Hulk/Banner fantasy. Or maybe I wouldn’t want to fuck the star; maybe I just want to fuck in the location. Pressed up against the window in that penthouse suite looking out over the city at night, the cold glass chilling my nipples and our bodies blurring in the reflection. Or perhaps I just want to enjoy the loud and overwhelming soundtrack, the beat providing a metronome to the movements of my hand…

Then after an hour or so, and after an orgasm or perhaps two, I emerge into the daylight, blinking in surprise that it’s still light and still daytime, and carry on with the rest of my day. Can you think of a better way to spend a free weekday afternoon?

Repeating it again in case anyone missed it: Livvy likes to ensure the cinema is EMPTY when she does this. Please do not take it as carte blanche to go wanking in front of strangers. The image for this post was drawn for a post about porn cinemas, which is why there are a few people in it – it’s illustrative, not literal.