It’s important that you know: he didn’t do it. He has never done it. Would never do it. Kavanaugh is a good person.
Note: this post discusses the very credible sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh, via quotes and ideas put forward by Republicans. Some of the comments and links are disturbing.
He didn’t do it. Some of his best friends are women! Besides, this is just an anonymous allegation, so there’s no need to take it seriously.
“Let me get this straight: this is (sic) statement about secret letter regarding a secret matter and an unidentified person.”
– Republican Senator Jon Cornyn
Oh, I see. Well, couldn’t Dr Blasey Ford be forgetting something? It was a long time ago after all. Perhaps she’s thinking of someone else. Perhaps she’s editing in his name, and editing out someone else’s, because the brain is a fickle thing and it plays tricks on you, doesn’t it?
“I’m not questioning and have not questioned that perhaps Dr Ford at some point in her life was sexually assaulted by someone in some place, but what I know is I’ve never sexually assaulted anyone.”
– Brett Kavanaugh
He remembers very clearly not doing it, and although I would personally be happy to leave it at that, he’s kindly provided proof. Check this calendar! Look at the dates! Do you see ‘underage binge drinking and sexual assault party’ listed anywhere? No? Well, there you have it then.
He didn’t do it.
And hey also… wasn’t she drunk? If this party was as wild as she said it was, she’d probably had one too many. Can we be sure she really remembered what exactly happened in that room, which caused trauma so significant she had to upend her entire life? I’m not saying she’s a bad person, just that maybe drink played a part. We all enjoy a drink, don’t we? In high school?
He was probably drunk too! Maybe he was too drunk to know what he was doing, so it’s not really fair to talk about it like he did it on purpose. He almost certainly didn’t do it, I’m just saying if he did we could understand.
And even if he did… who hasn’t? Am I right? Who, in their high school days, hasn’t done things they may not be proud of? Hmm? Thirty six years ago. Wouldn’t you be worried if you realised that you could be held accountable for attempted rapes you committed thirty six years ago? It’s too much to expect of a guy. He’s only human, after all! This poor bloke, who probably didn’t do it but even if he did should not be held accountable.
“I’d hate to have someone ask me what I did 35 years ago.”
– 85-year-old Republican Senator Chuck Grassley
Anyway, have you heard? He was a virgin in high school. A virgin! So, you know, he hadn’t even had proper sex with a woman yet!
“I’ve never sexually assaulted anyone. I did not have sexual intercourse or anything close to sexual intercourse in high school or for many years thereafter.”
– Brett Kavanaugh
We all know that this stuff – the horseplay and the attempted rape and all that – is fifth base. You can’t go to fifth without fourth. We all know that. How could he possibly have done it?
But you know, it’s important to listen to her and what she has to say, and make sure that this is properly investigated. Not by law enforcement, that’s inappropriate. Innocent until proven guilty!
Instead we should go with the softer option: cross-examine both of them in front of the entire world, and force her to prove – to a standard only usually demanded during a criminal trial – what she claims. Then let him explain why this is all a terrible misunderstanding.
“What am I supposed to do, go ahead and ruin this guy’s life based on an accusation? I’m just being honest. Unless there’s something more, no, I’m not going to ruin Judge Kavanaugh’s life over this. But she should come forward. She should have her say. She will be respectfully treated.”
– Republican Senator Lindsey Graham
I’m not prejudging it! Let’s hear what she has to say! But when she’s had her say I look forward to hearing him clear up this whole misunderstanding.
What’s that, you say? There are more women making allegations? Dear oh dear, it’s looking like there are a lot of Democrats with an axe to grind against this poor guy. They’re ruining his life purely on hearsay from one, or two, or maybe more women!
Where’s the evidence, though? Do you have photos or videos of these events that happened in darkened rooms and illicit parties, back in the days before smartphones? Right now all you have is this ‘he said, she said, and also she said, and also maybe she also said too.’
He’s a good man. Good men don’t do this kind of thing! Except in high school, of course. When they were seventeen. So really, who can blame him?
If he did it, which he didn’t.