I’ve mentioned this once or twice before, but never really allowed myself the pleasure of diving into it. I have time today, though, and this topic is all about taking your sweet time. Let’s talk about kissing at the speed of consent.

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As I explained only a couple of weeks ago, I try not to make a habit out of eagerly anticipating a message from any given man. I don’t like checking my phone constantly on the off-chance that some guy decides he wants me. Regular readers know I always introduce these posts by saying ‘this… BUT’ though, so here comes the ‘BUT’… recently I’ve found myself itching to hear from somebody in particular. Refreshing my email (yes, I use email, I am forty one years of age and I like to ramble so email is my medium: deal with it, Zoomers) hoping for any kind of contact.

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It’s that time again! It feels like it comes round earlier each year, doesn’t it? It’s Masturbation Month, which means that by the time I publish this you have probably all already wanked yourselves into a stupor with the fabulous selection of sex toys you already own. So, like a sexier, sweatier, sluttier version of Santa I’m here to unload a sack full of awesome Masturbation Month deals direct from my sponsors right into your eyes.

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Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he’s tired. Maybe he’s had a terrible week and the last thing he wants to think about is dating apps. Maybe he just doesn’t fancy me.

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How do you feel? Part one of this piece talked about emotions, and the value of exploring them in detail. You’re probably best off reading that before coming back to this, because it was originally written as one piece, but here’s a brief summary: articulating your emotions is a skill – one to which we don’t always give enough time or attention. It’s often seen as something you either can do or you can’t. What’s more, some of us are given permission to do it where others are aggressively prevented from trying. This is heavily gendered, of course: men are told not only that they’re innately ‘bad’ at articulating emotions, but also that they shouldn’t be as emotional as women are. Cannot and must not. They’re allowed to show big scary feelings like anger, but punished for showing any that hint at vulnerability, and often discouraged from spending time with their feelings at all. I find this wildly unfair and, if I think on it too long, outright heartbreaking. Spending time with your feelings can help you know yourself better, and articulating your emotional needs is a very valuable skill when it comes to building relationships. Learning how to do it is a gift to yourself, as well as to those who love you.

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