I’ve wanted to publish something about 3nder for a really long time, so I was delighted when Jenny Guérin got in touch to say she was working on a piece about threesome advice – based on her dates with couples on 3nder. 3nder is a hook-up app which allows you to create a profile as either a couple or a single person. A dating app, essentially, but for threesomes.

It’s been incredibly popular, because it’s a great app and because (in my opinion) many more traditional dating apps are bizarrely prudish about what they can be used for. Tinder, for instance, got really angry when Vanity Fair called it a hook-up app. Yet bizarrely – and to my mind misguidedly – Tinder is suing 3nder and demanding it be shut down, because ‘users might get confused.’ Way to crush the little guy, Tinder! And look like a complete dick! And prevent people from meeting for threesomes! Blergh. I’ll write more on this soon.

For now, though, I’m delighted to welcome Jenny (follow her on Twitter here and check out her blog), who’s got some great threesome advice that she picked up – all courtesy of 3nder.

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This post includes discussion of coercion and non-consent. If you give a shit about spoilers, it also contains details of episodes 2 and 3 of SexFactor. 

It’s a reality show in which wannabe porn stars compete to complete challenges which include anything from sultry poses to full-on fucking: of course I have watched ‘Sex Factor’. I usually avoid Xhamster, but this show has had a huge amount of press attention, so I couldn’t really not.

And I have very, very, VERY strong feelings about it.

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We all kick different hornets’ nests. Whatever you write, whether it’s vegan recipes, erotica, news or even lighthearted comedy, at some point or another you’ll have to deal with a gang of angry people who really want you to stop. You’re too X, not enough Y, you’ve pissed off someone’s idol or what have you. Mentioned something controversial. Unless you want to be either bland or silent, you’ll write things that stir up emotions. You offer your opinion. Make an argument. Tell a story.

And in doing so, you’ll probably kick a hornets’ nest.

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This guest post on harassment is going live at the same time as my post on the same topic, because it’s a perfect partner to that blog. When I spoke at Eroticon, lots of people joined in during the Q+A to discuss their own experiences, and @DJFet74 gave some seriously great advice – from a practical as well as a psychological perspective. She’s kindly written it up so I can share it with you…

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