Category Archives: The human body
Support my blog: buy ace discount sex toys
It seems a bit shameless to write a blog post like this, but here’s the deal: I have a couple of cool discount codes that mean you can get money off awesome sex toys, and I thought I’d give them a plug. Why? Because sex toys are fun, and my sponsors (SexToys in the UK and SheVibe in the US) give me money to help keep this blog going. If you buy stuff from them, they’ll hopefully keep giving me money, so that I can write more hot stories for you to read while you test out whatever cool things you’ve just bought.
So here goes: if you’re in the UK, use the code HEAT10 and you’ll get 10% off at SexToys. If you’re in the US (or, indeed, Canada or Australia) use the code GIRLONNET and you’ll get 10% off at SheVibe.
What if I can’t buy stuff? If you’re outside the shipping areas for either of those shops, then I’m sorry about that and I’m working on finding ways to get cool discount sex toys to you too. If you can’t afford to buy anything, then that sucks and I’m sorry, and I’m not expecting you to. If you want to support my blog without buying things I’d very much appreciate you sharing any of my posts on Facebook or Twitter, or subscribing to my feed.
Where does the money go? It goes towards keeping the blog going (hosting costs, running costs, that kind of thing), paying my fantastic illustrator Stuart, and paying the amazing guest bloggers who – I think – make this blog a gazillion times better than it’d be otherwise. The rest goes towards me, and the food, electricity, books and other things that I buy. Any time you click on a banner ad, or post link, and buy discount sex toys, you’re helping me do all this, and I’m incredibly grateful.
This is more of a note than a blog post – I’d have done it in a better way but I’m surprisingly bad at wrangling WordPress. Normal blogging service will resume tomorrow, with something incredibly dirty and submissive that I’ve had in draft for a while.
Here’s why ‘klittra’ isn’t a great word for female masturbation
What’s your commute to work like? Is it one of those normal ones where you get on a bus or train or into a fancy-pants car? Or is it a female commute? Do you eat breakfast, or female breakfast? When you take a piss, is it just, like, a regular piss or do you partake in female urination?
Today someone tweeted me a link to an article ‘what do you call female masturbation?‘ As you might be able to tell I have some Thoughts On This Topic.
In answer to the question: wanking. I call it wanking. Sometimes I will try to mix it up by talking about a hand-shandy or rubbing one out. If I’m feeling particularly coy, then I may refer to it as ‘alone time’ or taking a ‘freelancer’s nap.’ But in general, I rarely refer to what I do on my own with a sleazy fantasy and a fistful of glass dildo as ‘female masturbation.’
The article was about the new word ‘klittra’ – an invented word, being promoted by the Swedish Association for Sexual Education, because “If we don’t have a word in the language, how can we even talk about it?”
Hmm…
Please never worry about your strange O face
I once knew a guy with the best orgasm face in the entire world. He really let himself go – screwing up his eyes, opening his mouth, and tensing seemingly every muscle he had. It was sexy, and utterly involuntary, as if his orgasm was being milked out of his dick even as he tried to hold it back. Hot as fuck.
My own? I have no idea – many’s the time I’ve tried to catch the look on my face at the moment of orgasm – usually when fucking in front of a mirror. Luckily, no guy’s ever caught me doing this. Unluckily, like Scroedinger’s cat, the very act of observing it will alter its state. Just as you can never take an un-posed selfie, so you can never look at your own face at the point of climax without either killing the orgasm or making subtle changes to your own expression.
I used to worry deeply about my orgasm face. Occasional comments from guys that I looked, you know, like I’d simultaneously been electrocuted and handed a winning lottery ticket, meant that I feared killing the sexiest moments with a face like the winner of a gurning championship. For some reason this occasionally translated into closing my eyes for a fairly large proportion of a shag. Like a toddler who believes they can’t see you if you can’t see them – I’d assume that my partner would follow the cues and close their eyes too.
What it feels like to have period horn
On an average day, I can be turned on by a whole bunch of things. Hot people on the train, dudes who got caught in a rain shower, watching computer programmers… But when I’m on my period, or just coming off it, the list of things that give me that ‘unngh’ feeling – the kick in the gut of lust that I bang on about so much in my book – expands to include a hell of a lot more. Let’s talk period horn…
Cool sex toys for National Masturbation Month
(more…)“I have to think of something to write about wanking.”
“Isn’t everything you write basically about wanking?”
“You don’t read my blog, do you?”
“Well, you can’t really blame me. I have to talk to you every day. Anyway, why do you have to write something about wanking?”
“Because it’s National Masturbation Month.”
“A whole month? How long does it take to have a wank?!”