The most common request I get is for more stories about the free use secretary. I’ve written about her initial interview, this one time the boss fucked her while he was on the phone, a meeting in which she was offered out to clients to sweeten a business deal, and another episode when she got fucked by two junior managers in a stationery cupboard. This story’s back to just her and the boss: a quick and dirty facefuck. It contains spanking, throatfucking, free use, humiliation, degradation, hints of piss play and definite power imbalance. 

Note, as with all these stories, that they’re hyper-exaggerated sexual scenarios that play with my kink for misogyny, my fantasies about being used, and my love of wanking to the grubbiest, least-compelling men you’re ever likely to encounter. Really pathetic, one-track-mind, unable-to-comprehend-women-as-people douchebags. The fact that these men are pricks is very much key to the fantasies. I enjoy playing with this stuff inside my head and on the kinky wank space that is this blog, but these stories are not and should never be seen as a guide on how to treat people in real life. I hope this is obvious, but it can’t hurt to hammer it home. 

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Sinful Sunday is all about the image. It’s a fantastic, sexy photography project that inspires people to take their own beautiful photos (usually, though not always, of themselves or other people naked) and share them each week. It is hosted (and run) by my good friend and sex blogging hero – the kickass photographer who started it all: Molly Moore. And it has now been running continuously for 700 weeks!

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I’m not entirely sure how I’d sum up my brand of writing, but whatever my ‘style’ is, it’s pretty far from ‘a whimsical 2000 word tentacle porn story’. Nevertheless, that’s what you’re getting today. The following is something I wrote in 2020 after a Zoom call with Patreons where they gave me prompts for erotic stories by suggesting a name/kink/location/object that I had to work into a piece of erotic fiction. I find these stories challenging (in a fun way), because it’s good to push myself sometimes to think about stuff I wouldn’t normally get horny for. You can find some of the improv erotica stories here on the site for free, and even more improv erotica on Patreon if you’d like to join. But if you just want to read a whimsical 2000-word tentacle porn story that I think might own the title of ‘most challenging thing I’ve ever written’, then hoo boy are you in luck.

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Ride of the Valkyries makes it in, obviously, as does Night On Bare Mountain, but Oh Fortuna is far too funny and Pachelbel’s Canon too soft. We’re sitting on the sofa skimming through a Spotify list of ‘Top 100 Classical Music Bangers’ and, of course, selecting which ones we will fuck to.

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I wrote this sexy email exchange in October 2014 – ten whole years ago. My reasons for writing it are lost in the mists of time, but I half-remember that it was a product of a conversation with a fellow erotic writer, with whom I’d spoken about the idea of short, horny radio plays (this was a bit before the start of the audio porn boom), and the fact that at the time I was really into sending things like this to my partner while he was working to see if I could hype him up enough to fuck my face the second he came home. I dug it out a couple of years ago when doing a recording session with my good pal and sexy-voiced angel Luke (aka Beardynoise), thinking it might be fun to read a piece together. 

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