Join me on a journey of self-discovery and intensely powerful shagging as I take part in a challenge that scared the shit out of me: making eye contact for the entire duration of a fuck.

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Recently I wrote up some instructions on kinky DIY: how to turn your coffee table into a spanking bench. This post is the inevitable write-up of the first time we used it. It’s filthy, because this table was made for fucking, so probably best not to read it at work or in front of your grandchildren.

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“You’ll stand in the corner until we’re done here,” he tells me. His voice is flat – almost a monotone – and it’s doubly hard to assess how angry he is because I don’t really know this man well. That’s the thrill of it, really: not knowing how he’ll react. He is a borderline stranger, and I deliberately riled him up in front of everyone. And now I’m standing in the corner with my nose pressed against the wall, my skirt hiked up around my waist like a naughty schoolgirl, and a good long wait while I anticipate what he might do. My heart beats in my throat and with my face hidden like this, I grin.

This blog post involves school role play – albeit very unrealistic school role play – including corporal punishment. If that’s not your thing look away now.

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There’s a particular porn scene my partner and I watch over and over and over. I’m not going to tell you exactly what it is, because for some reason a little piece of my brain blushes at the thought of you watching it and judging me. But it contains a dynamic that I find incredibly hot: the bored fuck. Ideally with an incredibly eager dude (or a line-up of them) and a really bored-looking woman. Her expression says ‘I’m bored of you fucking me’ or perhaps even ‘get on with it’, and his desperation paired with her ambivalence makes me a soaking-wet-and-shaking kind of horny.

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The other day I squirted for the first time and it was fucking AWESOME so I’m going to tell you all about it. Regular readers will know that in the past my inability to squirt has caused me much heartache. I’d seen the people in porn squirting all over the place, including into the eager faces of their sexual partners, and my heart throbbed with sadness that I’d never quite managed to muster anything more than the odd sploosh. But finally – FINALLY – after years of longing and wishing and getting eagerly fingered to little result, I recently managed my first ever squirt and it was everything I’d dreamed of. Here’s how it happened, in case you’d either like to try it for yourself or just have a lovely wank because the thought of squirting turns you on.

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