I don’t really like fucking in the bath, although one day I’ll tell you about the most successful bath sex I ever had – long, teasing and achingly slow in a hard way: each stroke like a punishment, which came with a splash of water. The delicious, almost-but-not-quite drowning sensation as my mouth and nose slipped below the water line.

Today, though, I’m exhausted. All I want to do is lie in the bath with the radio on, sink into bubbles and warmth, and have him sit beside me with his fingers in my cunt.

This is what we did the other day.

This is now what I want to do every day.

Until I die or, more realistically, get bored of it – I’m far too jaded now to think anything’s forever.

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My new book is (nearly) out! If you like you can pre-order it here. And if you’d like a signed copy there’s a link for that too. I know, exciting! I spent Friday in my publishers’ office signing things, and doing interviews, and being a bit overwhelmed about the whole thing.

I suck at publicity, because I get shy and go ‘oh I wouldn’t want to trouble you’, but this post is here to give a bit of info and to say that if you’re a journalist/writer/blogger and you’d like to talk about my book, or interview me or what have you, that would be amazing. Just get in touch.

For those of you who are just bloody lovely and want to buy it when it’s out, please do subscribe to my blog – I’ll send an email out on 10th March when the book launches officially. You can also win one of 10 signed copies if you subscribe – details, Ts and Cs below.

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I’m going to talk more about virtual reality porn at some point. It’s a massive topic, with tonnes of scope for putting yourself in various amazing pictures, and I hope that as the tech comes down in price people will come up with yet more creative and exciting virtual reality porn scenarios. I’m secretly hoping I might be able to score work writing them, so hit me up if you’re a porn producer with a massive budget and a desire to branch out.

However. For now I want to tell you one thing that – since it was mentioned to me – has had me mesmerised with possibility:

Guys wanking while watching VR porn.

Yeah, I know. That sounds… obvious? But let me paint you a picture…

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Filthy sex is my favourite sex. Sex where we get messy and sticky and sweaty. When the smell of his come mixes with the smell of his sweat and my cunt and the lube and oh God everything.

Grinding against each other on the living room carpet, pouring handfuls of lube out to smear on me, before fucking me hard so I have to gasp to catch my breath.

Spitting into my hand to lube up his dick. Spitting on his dick to lube up his dick.

Him. Spitting. In. My. Mouth.

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Spent ages trying to come up with a fun title for this, and I just kept coming back to the most descriptive one: double penetration with a strap-on and a cock.

Because

a) that’s exactly what happened and

b) it was one of the best things I have ever done. Ever.

I’d like to say that double penetration with a strap-on and a cock is a normal Saturday night in my house, but that would be downplaying the gravity and excitement of the situation. Last week, I finally managed to do something I’ve been wanting to do for years.

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