It was one of those sleepover pile-ons: everyone grabbing blankets, squabbling over sofa cushions, and squeezing four abreast on a futon designed for two. These were my favourite nights, and I miss them now that we’re all grown-up – old enough to pay for taxis if we miss the last bus home. That’s where this threesome story begins…

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What is the ultimate, best kind of sex? Oh, sure, we all have our favourite positions and our ultimate fantasies: bucket-list fucks with hot celebrities or specific sex toys we’ve always wanted to try. I have plenty of these myself. But is there one thing, above all others, that I’d give my eye-teeth to do?

Yes.

I would like for two dudes to fuck me in a very specific way: the spitroast. And I don’t just mean me sucking on one gent while the other fucks me from behind. I mean a properly co-ordinated spitroast: all three of us moving in harmony, so that the force with which the first guy fucks my mouth pushes me more tightly back onto the other person’s dick.

And vice versa.

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The first time someone put their face in my crotch and grinned at the strong, heady, end-of-the-day scent of my cunt, it was a bit of a revelation. I’d always assumed that the best state for a cunt to be in was clean as a whistle – and by clean I mean utterly stripped of character, cleansed, perfumed, and presented so perfectly that you wouldn’t be able to tell one neat one from another.

Uniformity and cleanliness: as if novelty and natural scent can never be as sexy as something personal.

Obviously that’s not true, and what’s more it’s a bit upsetting that we’re so often told to eradicate any hint of scent from our personal bits, lest our lovers should get their faces close and get to do that sexy *sniff* *sigh* thing that shows just how erotic our cunt smell can be.

Today I’m going to talk about knicker-sniffing, and I should warn you that this blog’s going to go into a fair bit of detail about dirty pants, as well as contain minor plot-based spoilers for Orange Is The New Black. Which is, umm, quite the combination.

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It’s easy to write about the big things that are sexy: anal sex, spanking, throatfucking. The kind of things you’d add to your bucket list, as you tense your muscles to try and work out the discomfort of extreme arousal. The pervy blog staples: Threesomes. Bukkake. The vision of you pulling your knickers to one side and sliding neatly down onto a strap on. Right to the hilt. Hard.

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“Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses”? Pah. Maybe more will after reading this post. Here’s why glasses can be incredibly sexy, and a few hot things to do if you want to include glasses in your sex games…

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