Sometimes Twitter’s hashtag games are total genius, and sometimes they fuck me off. Today’s was a combination of the two, so here are two things from the game – one annoying and one delightful.

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Monday. The day when staying in bed seems like the most tempting thing. If you need some temptation to get out of it, here are two things. One good: for inspiration, and one bad: to give you a fiery kick of rage that should see you through til lunchtime. Ready?

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Welcome to what I hope will be a New Project for 2016: two things.

I am powered by a combination of inspiration and rage. Inspiration, where I try to be more like people who are better than me, and rage, where I get fired up about things and people and companies that are appallingly shit.

So… on Monday mornings I’m going to try and highlight one thing that’s awesome and one that’s awful, thus kickstarting the week with a combination of inspiration and rage.

Let’s start with the rage:

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I think I’m meant to do a yearly wrap-up post. Unfortunately right now I’m a bit grumpy and can’t remember much, so this is constructed purely from me going through my Twitter archive and picking some things that stood out. They’re not the ‘best’ things of 2015, just some things I noticed, tweeted about, and which subsequently showed up on my ‘top tweets’ list.

Some are sexy, some are newsy, and some are downright bizarre.

Happy end-of-2015.

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OR: The inevitable folly of pretending you like shit just to get people to fuck you

I fucking hate Star Wars. I hate it. I hate it more than any reasonable human could be expected to hate a thing. Are the films themselves shit? Maybe. I have only seen one and a half of them (don’t ask me which ones, I could not give one iota of a toss).

I hate Star Wars because, on numerous occasions, my ignorance of it has stood in the way of me getting laid.

I am a fan of nerdy people. I think they’re hot and I like to fuck them. I would happily take five or six of the nerdiest people I know, lie them in a row on a giant double bed covered in Darth Vader bedsheets, and fuck them until one or other of them awakened the force.

Like Doctor Who, I tried to get into Star Wars because (shameless, shameless, shameless) quite a few nerdy guys I fancied kept talking about it, and I figured that if I wanted to get some geek dick I would need to learn what a Milennium Falcon was. Luckily for me, Doctor Who is really good, so what began as a gentle foray into something (“I like horror so I’ll go in with Weeping Angels and OH MY GOD THIS IS EXCELLENT PLEASE PUT ALL OF IT INTO MY BRAIN”) turned into a pretty long term love affair.

Unluckily for me, Star Wars is a tedious, overhyped shitshower, and Luke Skywalker isn’t even hot.

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