Girl on the Net

New Year is one of my favourite times, because it is a nice opportunity to do a bit of self-reflection. Looking back at the last 12 months and working out what you’ve achieved, what you’ve been lucky enough to experience, and what you’d like to leave behind as you move into the next year. 2025 has been a weird one for me, and I’ve spent a fair amount of time in some dark places. But reflecting on how I felt this time last year is a nice reminder that things can and do get better. And even while I was dwelling (some might say ‘wallowing’) in the darkness, I kept writing and recording and commissioning with the pleasantly surprising result that there’s a phenomenal crop of amazing guest audio porn, guest blogs and posts from me to include in this year’s round-up.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but some of you will so I’ll say it. That thing you’ve been itching to do for ages? You should do it on your own.

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As someone who had sex for the first time impulsively, reading this guest blog made me feel like I’d missed out on something really cool. I am so grateful to this guest blogger for sharing her experience of first time sex – the knowledge that you’re about to do this thing comes with such resonance and power. And she’s captured it in quite breathtaking detail. Please welcome this week’s anonymous guest, and join me in the thrilling journey that she takes us on, as she describes that feeling of being filled and fucked for the very first time.

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I woke up last Thursday with the loveliest, softest feeling: like I’d just had a truly sexy dream. It was hyper-realistic, and that realism lingered in my mind as I opened my eyes. Snuggling down beneath the duvet in a winter-warm bed, I ran hands over my body and allowed the details to return to me piece by piece.

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You know how, when you go to look up a recipe online, most of the recipes are interwoven with some tangential story about the chef’s life? Have you ever read one of those and thought ‘man, I wish there was a version of this kind of recipe-blogging but instead of being whimsical and wholesome it was outrageously horny?’. Well have I got the guest blog for you! This stunningly sexy post – with accompanying recipe for cinnamon rolls – is by Tess, who has written some gorgeous guest blogs here before. One about she and her wife having the best sex of their lives, and another about gaming while the Hot Octopuss Pulse dispenses incredibly-distracting orgasms. You’re probably thinking ‘wow, how can she top either of these?’ and the answer is ‘with flour, butter, sugar, and some intensely powerful sex.’ Enjoy!

The recipe is real, by the way. Even if you don’t have a loved one to get cum-sticky with right now, you can absolutely make some cinnamon rolls. 

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