One plus one does not always equal two. Sure, if we’re talking standard stuff like apples and oranges, one plus one definitely equals two and I’d be a weird conspiracy theorist if I tried to persuade you otherwise. You have one apple in a bag, you add another, you have two apples. True. But if the things you’re counting are dicks, and the place you’re putting them is my vagina: one dick plus another equals a hell of a lot more than two. Let’s talk DVP with a fuckmachine.

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It is hard to introduce this week’s amazing guest blog without giving away the ending, but I’m going to try and do it justice. This week, please welcome Zapatica, who is here to tell you a hot, intense story about an ex-dance partner/lover. Regular booty calls, intense sex, total mismatch of interests, and how the whole thing eventually – and rapidly – came to an end.

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There’s this moment, just before he comes, that feels like a gear change. There’s a sudden urgency and intensity to his thrusts. The angle changes slightly, the pace increases, and I know we’re mere seconds away from the delicious moment when he comes deep in my cunt. As someone who is a big fan of this, I assumed everyone knew that having someone jizz inside you isn’t just pleasurable from a psychological standpoint: you can feel it too. But recently someone asked me if I could genuinely feel the spunk gushing out, so I figured I’d have a go at describing it. Here’s what it feels like to get pumped full of cum…

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Probably the most well-covered topic on this blog is blow jobs. I write a lot about how much I enjoy sucking dick, and the different ways there are to revel in using one’s lips and tongue to get someone off. But there’s less here about the delights of cunnilingus (terrible word, let’s go with ‘eating out’ or ‘eating cunt’) because I don’t have as much experience of it. More importantly, I think in order to write something truly filthy, it is best if the writer genuinely adores doing the thing they’re writing about. That’s what makes this guest blog from Love & Lust in London @LoveLustLondon so sexy, I reckon. He has a genuine passion for eating cunt, and writes about it so beautifully that it has given me a new understanding of why this act brings so many people so much joy. Enjoy!

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There’s always a worry, when you tick something off your sexual bucket list, that this awesome kink you have lusted after for ages won’t quite live up to your expectations. As the time to fuck approaches, your eager desire for filth is tempered by a voice in the back of your head that says ‘will this be as good as I hope?’ ‘Can a spitroast with a fucking machine really be as filthy as the scene I’m playing in my head?’ ‘Can DVP with a sex machine really live up to my horny dreams? The answer to both questions is ‘fuck yes’. The longer answer is below in the form of a hyper-explicit story about the first time we used our new sex machine, and there’ll be a part two story coming hot on its heels…

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