I’m not entirely sure how I’d sum up my brand of writing, but whatever my ‘style’ is, it’s pretty far from ‘a whimsical 2000 word tentacle porn story’. Nevertheless, that’s what you’re getting today. The following is something I wrote in 2020 after a Zoom call with Patreons where they gave me prompts for erotic stories by suggesting a name/kink/location/object that I had to work into a piece of erotic fiction. I find these stories challenging (in a fun way), because it’s good to push myself sometimes to think about stuff I wouldn’t normally get horny for. You can find some of the improv erotica stories here on the site for free, and even more improv erotica on Patreon if you’d like to join. But if you just want to read a whimsical 2000-word tentacle porn story that I think might own the title of ‘most challenging thing I’ve ever written’, then hoo boy are you in luck.

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This gorgeous piece of erotica about watching someone and being watched absolutely crackles with anticipation. It is written by the fabulous mudkri, and originally appeared on her website. 

I like pencils. Real old-fashioned HB pencils. Pencils that go in the crank sharpener. Pencils that grind into the perfect point. Pencils that give a crisp ‘tick’ on a piece of paper. None of this mechanical pencil stuff. A mechanical pencil is not going to hold up your hair in the middle of the day. Only a sturdy and reliable pencil will do. Pencils are sexy.

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Ride of the Valkyries makes it in, obviously, as does Night On Bare Mountain, but Oh Fortuna is far too funny and Pachelbel’s Canon too soft. We’re sitting on the sofa skimming through a Spotify list of ‘Top 100 Classical Music Bangers’ and, of course, selecting which ones we will fuck to.

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This fabulous casual sex story about getting savagely fucked by a reply guy is written by Charlotte Bayes, read by Sherryl Blu. Note that it contains some consensual choking. 

I do not wish to be perceived as desperate, but after a catalogue of bad experiences both on and off The Apps, I really didn’t know what else to do but to debase myself on Twitter dot com. Asking for a date at the very least on the ‘hell site’ might be able to at least bring some more like-minded people together as opposed to random swipes and hours wasted talking to seemingly normal men. Or men who seem normal at first then turn out to use curtains instead of bedroom doors in their houseshare. They made it very clear I had to try something else.

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I wrote this sexy email exchange in October 2014 – ten whole years ago. My reasons for writing it are lost in the mists of time, but I half-remember that it was a product of a conversation with a fellow erotic writer, with whom I’d spoken about the idea of short, horny radio plays (this was a bit before the start of the audio porn boom), and the fact that at the time I was really into sending things like this to my partner while he was working to see if I could hype him up enough to fuck my face the second he came home. I dug it out a couple of years ago when doing a recording session with my good pal and sexy-voiced angel Luke (aka Beardynoise), thinking it might be fun to read a piece together. 

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