“You’ll stand in the corner until we’re done here,” he tells me. His voice is flat – almost a monotone – and it’s doubly hard to assess how angry he is because I don’t really know this man well. That’s the thrill of it, really: not knowing how he’ll react. He is a borderline stranger, and I deliberately riled him up in front of everyone. And now I’m standing in the corner with my nose pressed against the wall, my skirt hiked up around my waist like a naughty schoolgirl, and a good long wait while I anticipate what he might do. My heart beats in my throat and with my face hidden like this, I grin.

This blog post involves school role play – albeit very unrealistic school role play – including corporal punishment. If that’s not your thing look away now.

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This week’s guest blogger is writing about one of my favourite things in the world: wanking. And not just any wanking – super-hot masturbation while she watches herself in the mirror. It’s the perfect piece to put up during Masturbation Month, and is so hot that it’s made me feel like I want to treat myself to a seriously awesome wank like this too. Please welcome the very talented @ZebraRoseSub!

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There’s a particular porn scene my partner and I watch over and over and over. I’m not going to tell you exactly what it is, because for some reason a little piece of my brain blushes at the thought of you watching it and judging me. But it contains a dynamic that I find incredibly hot: the bored fuck. Ideally with an incredibly eager dude (or a line-up of them) and a really bored-looking woman. Her expression says ‘I’m bored of you fucking me’ or perhaps even ‘get on with it’, and his desperation paired with her ambivalence makes me a soaking-wet-and-shaking kind of horny.

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You! Yes, you! You should go to relationship counselling! OK, maybe not ALL of you, but most of my traffic comes from search so the majority of you are reading this because you googled ‘relationship counselling’, wondering if it was something you should try. Maybe you have worries about relationship counselling and you’d like me to assuage them. Maybe you’re just curious about what goes on behind the counsellor’s door. Or perhaps you’re already convinced that you want to do it, but you need (or your partner needs) that final nudge before you take the plunge. If that’s what you’re after, I’m here for you. Here are five valuable things I got from relationship counselling.

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I was chatting to my dude recently about the least sexy kind of sex, and he mentioned ‘lie-back-and-think-of-England’ sex. You know the kind: where two people have sex out of a misplaced sense of duty, or the idea that that’s what they ‘should’ do. Thing is, though, I have an entirely filthy mind, and even this kind of sex can be extraordinarily arousing if you think of it in the right way. So he challenged me to write it: an erotic story about apparently un-erotic sex, and I had so much fun writing it that I recorded it as audio porn too…

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