He sent me a picture of it once – swollen, bright red, and leaking a fat, shiny drop of pre-come. Skin so taut I could tell he’d been edging, even if he hadn’t told me. Seven days’ worth, if I remember correctly. Seven days of edging – touching it, stroking it, playing gently enough that he wouldn’t quite climax. Until the whole thing ached and he had to go to extreme lengths to get settled down before he had to leave the house. Digging fingernails into his thighs, cold water, that kind of thing…

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For a writer, I have painfully little imagination. Sometimes things pop into my head – filthy scenarios or interesting characters, or an unusual image that relates to a twist in a story I just can’t quite plot. One day I’d like to be better at writing fiction – to write a book in which the stories are ones I’ve invented rather than lived.

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Ever wondered what it’d be like to be stimulated in public by an eager person with a vibe control in their hand?

This is the first post in my Sex Fairies project (where anyone can request a sex toy they’ve always wanted, and SexToys.co.uk make some of those dreams come true). When I started it I was inundated with awesome suggestions and requests for toys, but one toy got more requests than any other: The BlueMotion Nex 1 Panty Vibe. Why? Well perhaps it’s because it’s futuristic and stuff: the vibe sits in your pants and is controlled by an app on your phone, meaning you can give your handset to someone else and let them dial up or down the vibrations. Perhaps it’s because it’s one of very few sex toys you can use in public without being arrested. Perhaps it’s just because, well, it looks really fucking fun.

The aim of the Sex Fairies project is less about reviewing toys (because lots of bloggers do that really well already) and more about the overall experience. When you’re given a toy you’ve been wanting for a while, does the hotness live up to expectations? We gave a knicker vibrator to a submissive, horny lady and asked her to let us know…

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As the sun will rise every morning, so each day an internet commenter will decide that something new is The Worst Thing To Ever Have Happened.

I’m not prone to slagging off commenters – you who join in below the line, adding critique, debate, praise and hilarious jokes about this one time you fell off the bed while fucking – you are a valuable and incredible part of the internet. Sniffy bloggers like me don’t have a monopoly on opinions, and frequently the contribution of thoughtful, awesome people adds loads to a topic, or makes me snort coffee out of my nose when they drop a particularly hilarious pun. Comments are incredibly valuable: I’d be a liar if I told you differently.

But there is one kind of commenter who can fuck utterly off. And it’s someone I had only made passing acquaintance with until I started working for hot porn site Dreams of Spanking. It’s this person:

“Eww. Why on earth would you post two men going at it?”

“Sorry, but this just isn’t my thing AT ALL.”

“What the hell is THAT?”

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Fishnet tights.

I know, they’re obvious. They’re easy. They’re prone to laddering. But they’re hot. And I can’t wear fishnets to this day without thinking about urgent, spit-lubed buttsex. Here’s why.

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